They’re Not So Bad

The alarm wakes me up, yet again, at 6:51 a.m. this time, ‘I suppose three snooze buttons is enough for anyone,’ I mutter to myself as I rise out of bed to get the kids ready for school. The morning is as typical as could be, get the kids up, make eggs over easy on a bed of slightly wilted (cooked) spinach with two slices of toast and a banana on the side for each. After that, time to make sure they aren’t trying to wear play clothes to school and go upstairs with them to act as, ‘Enforcer,’ making sure they brush their teeth a full two minutes and hit the back ones.

After dropping them off at school, it’s time for a trip to the casino that will likely be little different than any other. The only real tossup is how much time will be spent there, will there be plays, or will there not be plays? I look at a picture of the mailer I took on my phone to determine whether or not it’s a free play pickup day, it’s not, so there’s a pretty good chance I won’t be playing with my players club card, (because I don’t want to hurt my ADT if I get on a good play and hit it quick) that way I don’t get stuck putting coin in at a disadvantage to keep my ADT up.

If it was a free play day, then what I would do would depend on the day in question. I would first have to look at how many days I might be stopping in during the free play cycle, (each cycle usually runs from 4-6 days long) because ideally, I would download my free play and meet my usual ADT (to keep offers the same) playing some (if not all) of the coin-in at an advantage. In the event there are no, ‘Off-the-Top,’ advantages to be had, then I would simply have to download the free play and eat the 1.09% house edge on the best Video Poker game offered. Either way, keeping the offers at the current level, (even if it means playing at a slight disadvantage off-the-top) enables me to gamble with a slight advantage.

I stroll into the casino and nod what is essentially a, ‘Good morning,’ to the security guard at the front podium. He’s familiar with me. He may have even mentioned once that sometimes he has seen me there for nearly an entire (24 hour) day and sometimes I’m in and out in about ten minutes. I’m not sure if he knows that I am looking for advantageous machines, but I doubt he would care.

I’m enveloped by cigarette smoke almost immediately, as a recent non-smoker, I can’t help but find this irksome, but I shrug, it’s what I signed up for when I walked in. I complete my usual circuit around the casino with what probably appears to be an expression of abject boredom on my face, but really, the expression is just a flat and neutral one. Obviously, it wouldn’t help me see the numbers I am looking for, but I could literally walk the rows with my eyes closed (if there were no other players) without bumping into anything so familiar am I with the casino. The fact is that I am walking through the place looking at the numbers on, ‘Must-Hit,’ machines, other progressives and looking for various vulturing opportunities. Sometimes I will find opportunities, sometimes I won’t, either way, the casino is not worth a lot to me. On an average visit, I probably have anywhere from $50-$70 in positive expected value overall, (not counting my free play) which really isn’t bad if I usually only end up there for two-three hours after dropping the kids off. $20-$35/hour is a pretty reasonable rate for which to stop in if that is one’s profit expectation.

Of course, throughout the course of this, or any other casino visit, one runs into individuals who either are themselves annoying, or are doing something annoying. Lipstick has recently published an excellent (as all of her are) editorial calling some of these people out.

I am not claiming to have done it all or seen it all in a casino, but as someone who has done or seen better than half of it, I will now rise to the defense of these, ‘Annoying,’ people. I shall, with the might of my keyboard, defend these unmitigated pains in the ass to the best of my ability!

Jealous Players:

The main complaint against jealous players seems to be that they will cold eye a winning player or otherwise fail to acknowledge when another player wins big. The example in Lipstick’s piece is that of a $5,000 jackpot.

Speaking for myself, I don’t necessarily want any acknowledgement when I hit a jackpot of $5,000 or one of any other amount. Ideally, I would like for the jackpot to be handled as quietly, quickly and professionally as possible. I take a look at a place like at least two Hollywood Casinos that I have been to and, anytime there is a handpay, they shoot to the CCTV and put the person on the screen all over the casino. Me? I don’t want to be a star, I want to get my money out of there without any trouble. It’s not like there aren’t people out there willing to follow someone nearly thirty miles to rob them.

That mother and son didn’t even win! The $600 that was stolen (it was elsewhere reported) is what they had left after their visit. Apparently, just knowing that the pair had $600 (or some amount) between them was enough to encourage the robbers to follow them home.

I can only speak for myself, but if I do nothing whatsoever to acknowledge an individual winning a huge jackpot, then that is mainly because:

A.) I’m looking out for the person’s welfare by not drawing unneeded attention to them.

AND

B.) I don’t care because I don’t know the person.

I don’t want people to know it if I am rolling out of the casino with five large, so I am not going to do anything to make it known that someone else is, either. I’m not trying to be cold when I say that I don’t care, but in any other context, a stranger’s money is none of my business...so why is it suddenly my business in the casino?

Legitimately Jealous Players:

Granted, there are legitimately jealous players out there who can take away from someone’s jackpot by paying negative attention to it rather than positive. There is the occasional eye roll as well as the just-loud-enough comment such as, “She’s only been here fifteen minutes,” or, “How come I never hit something like that?”

I do have an answer when it comes to such people raining on your parade: Don’t let them.

If an individual wins five thousand dollars, why should that individual care whether or not someone else is rolling their eyes or making snide remarks? The individual who won the jackpot has five grand and the other person doesn’t.

That’s also kind of a point, really. The other person might be a gambling addict for whom the money could help them get back up on some bills where they may have fallen behind, or as is more likely the case, just keep them playing longer which is what addicts who play negative expected value games really want: The ability to play forever. The eye roller may have been at the casino for ten hours, down a couple grand, down to his/her last $100, or less, all of a sudden, you sit at a machine near them and pop off a 5k hit? I think a little jealousy might be natural for a person who may be in that sort of unenviable position.

Fidget Player:

Fidget players are a new one for me, I suppose I am going to have to pay some extra attention to make sure I am not one because I have only noticed them in extreme cases. I could see where the excessive chewing gum cracking, or other unneeded annoying sounds, could become aggravating after only a short period of time...but is it not possible that the person in question has a perfectly legitimate reason to have such nervous tics going on?

That’s right, I’m going back to the possibility of nervousness due to losing too much in one session, or perhaps the possibility of outright gambling addiction again. I’m not saying that this is true of every fidget player, many may simply have something along the lines of Restless Leg Syndrome.

For most, ‘Fidget Players,’ I imagine the fidgeting is either brought on by the act of gambling, or by way of some other legitimate medical condition. I personally seriously doubt if any of these people have said, “I am going to deliberately shake my leg as though dancing to a song nobody other than myself can hear because I want to be as annoying as possible!”

When it comes to checking my cell phone every five minutes, fair enough, I’m guilty, but I have no idea why this should annoy anyone. If I am not bumping up against the person next to me, in what way does my checking my phone negatively impact the playing experience of anyone else? Besides, one (of many) traits shared by Advantage Players and addicts is that going to a casino is not anything special for such people, so as a result, I’m not going to shut off my phone and there is no reason for me not to respond to text messages immediately. When I am on a positive slot play, mindlessly mashing the spin button, getting an unexpected text message is often a welcome distraction!

Superstitious Player:

But…they’re funny!!!

As unobservant of other people in the casino as I generally try to be, it is often entertaining to look at the ridiculous series of motions and gestures that some people will get into prior to just pressing the damn spin button to figure out what they think they are doing. The people certainly aren’t actually accomplishing anything, but trying to get inside their heads and determine what they think the effects of their actions will be is fun.

I especially love the people that have a little, ‘Keno Office,’ as I like to call it. I don’t know why, but I have only seen this with a handful of Video Keno players, never any slot players, but often there will be pictures of the kids, perhaps one of those little, ‘Troll,’ toys and any other number of little good luck charms spread out upon the machine. It is most amusing when this is the case with players playing a ten-spot, one nickel at a time, who, at best, stand to win the lofty sum of $50.00 if they hit a 10/10, which is roughly a 8.9 million to one shot!

Perhaps sad at the same time, but funny first.

Aside from that, the people with the little rituals of switching from the handle to the button and back, as well as some other rituals, I find more entertaining than anything. I often find myself trying to determine what their criteria is for going back to the button as opposed to continuing to use the handle, (for most people, it seems that they switch after a loss) but regardless of what the ritual is, it makes for a fun puzzle to try to put together.

I also understand covering up the machine, as I sometimes close my eyes for the exact reason they are covering the machine. There is one slot machine that can be played at an advantage upon which one needs at least three, ‘Bonus Games,’ symbols to go into bonus games. Anyway, on this particular slot title, if you have two, ‘Bonus Games,’ symbols, and you see the, ‘Bonus Games,’ symbol go by on the fifth reel while still spinning, you absolutely WILL NOT hit Bonus Games because of the way the reel assignment is laid out. For that reason, I close my eyes if I end up with two, ‘Bonus Game,’ symbols because it at least makes the game a little bit less boring not knowing whether or not I will hit bonus games before the spin is even over.

I will give Lipstick the exception of, ‘Screen Bashers and Button Smashers,’ though. Not only are such individuals irritating as all get out, but they are also largely responsible for any damage that is caused to the machine, which is especially a pain in my ass if it happens to be one of the better Video Poker games available. Again, many of these people probably have good reason to be upset, but that doesn’t justify potentially damaging the equipment.

I would advise a distinction between, ‘Button Smashers,’ and, ‘Button Mashers,’ however. Button Smashers go SMASH SMASH SMASH whereas Button Mashers go tap tap tap. I am occasionally a Button Masher if I am on an advantageous slot machine play because I just want to hit the desired jackpot and be done playing the G*****n thing as quickly as possible. Besides that, playing faster improves my expected profit per hour. Also, there are many games upon which an individual quickly knows if he/she has already lost just by the results on the first two reels, so it makes perfect sense that such people would want to quickly move on to the next spin.

However, yes, people that physically abuse the machine (and make a ton of noise doing so) are awful and should be tossed. They probably won’t be, though, because being frustrated likely means they are losing a ton.

Rude Players:

My answer to this is pretty simple when it comes to the smokers: Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

I’m a recent non-smoker and I can attest that there is nothing worse than a casino that smells like an ashtray. Oh, wait, there is one worse thing: Some guy plopping down next to you and firing up one of the biggest, fastest, nastiest el cheapo cigars that smell like a neglected gas station bathroom on its worst day.

BLAH!

There is only one thing I can say about that: Get over it.

If you do not want to be exposed to cigarette smoke in the casino because of the, ‘Deadly consequences,’ the simplest possible answer is to simply avoid going to the casino. That’s all. No casino, no smoke, problem solved. The fact of the matter is that the smoker is simply not doing anything wrong, even the nasty old geezer with hairs growing out of his nose smoking a repulsive seventy-two cent stogie.

Alternatively, write a letter to your Congressman, the County, the Tribe or whatever the jurisdiction is in question that regulates whether or not smoking is to be allowed at the casino. Any individual bothered so much by an action that is legal in an establishment that they are choosing to visit whilst knowing that there is likely to be smoking has automatically forfeited any right to gripe about it. Become an activist, try to make the smoking illegal, just don’t be surprised if the quality of the games (return-to-player) is dropped because the casino has fewer visitors.

I get it, the non-smoking areas of most casinos (that are predominantly smoking) positively suck. None of the good games are there. Some casinos have no Table Games that are non-smoking, some non-smoking areas have exactly zero playable video poker. Some non-smoking areas smell like smoke, anyway. Some non-smoking areas do not have an accessible bathroom without walking through a smoking area. Some non-smoking areas themselves cannot be accessed without walking through a smoking area!!! It blows, I’m not saying it doesn’t, but the smokers are not to blame...they are simply doing what they are permitted to do within the establishment.

Granted, the smokers should be considerate enough to ask someone sitting next to them (who is not smoking) if that person would mind if they light up. The cigar smokers should be kind enough to take their cigars elsewhere, especially the el cheapos that smell like a musty and mildewy attic, but they don’t have to. When I smoked, I certainly asked all the people around me (unless they were already smoking) if it bothered them, but that’s because I was behaving politely...other people aren’t obligated to do that, either.

Space Hoggers:

I definitely agree with the point about rude, ‘Space Hoggers,’ but the only answer there is to assert one’s right to the space. The best thing to do is to play at an end machine, because that way, at least one side of the shelf/cabinet (whatever you want to call it) upon which the machine sits is definitely, ‘Your Side.’ However, if you do get stuck in the middle and you have players on either side of you using the area both to your right and to your left, then simply ask one of them if they’d be kind enough to make room for you. 99% of the time, it won’t be a problem.

Stubborn Player:

Once again, I fail to see how another player asking someone to watch, ‘Their machine,’ while the go get cash, or, in fact, go to the restroom is in any way annoying. In my opinion, that’s a perfectly reasonable request which can be respectfully declined in the event that the person being asked doesn’t plan on being there very long, ‘Um...I’m probably leaving in a minute or two, so if you’re going to be much longer than that, you should probably take your stuff.’

Even if one believes the person is running to the ATM for the sixth or seventh time, then I would suggest that the appropriate response would be to feel sorry for that person rather than annoyed by them. This probably is not the first casino visit that sees them running to the ATM to take out money that they likely can’t afford and did not plan to gamble to begin with. A responsible gambler should just be happy that it is not them doing that.

Couple Players:

I could understand where couple players could be situationally annoying, but again, this is just one in which an individual needs to assert his/her right to his/her space. With that said, I don’t see anything wrong with couple players provided they are not violating my personal space.

Sore Loser:

I agree that non Advantage Players are going to lose more than they win. Furthermore, I think that people should intuitively be able to figure that out for themselves based upon the fact that the casinos would not be open if more players were winning than not in the long run. However, with that being said, the entire casino atmosphere is based on a combination of entertainment and illusion which combines to create and atmosphere in which one is deceived into thinking they should actually win.

Once again, this is a player that other should feel sorry for because it is quite likely that they find themselves in the throes of a crippling gambling addiction, or at a minimum, certainly lost more than they intended to on that day. I would certainly find it hard to believe that an individual went into the casino for the first time that day and started cussing at the machine as of the very first spin. The person is probably desperate for a win and, while annoying, should really be pitied more than reviled.

Tight Ass Players:

What is wrong with a tight ass player? If someone is perfectly entertained by betting $0.30/spin, or perhaps even less, who am I to suggest that they should be playing with a greater expected loss per spin, or per hour? Granted, people who are going to be playing small should have reasonable (read: small) expectations for what their best hits are going to be, but in general, I find it tough to fault someone for wanting to extend his/her playing time.

If a person finds a machine upon which even one penny and one line can be bet for a grand total of a whopping $0.01/spin, and the person finds that entertaining, more power to them!

As far as players who want to cash out after every single small win, let’s not forget that those credits never, at any point, stop being actual money. To be annoyed by a player who wishes to cash out after a hit is essentially the same thing as being annoyed by what a perfect stranger does with his/her own money. What right does anyone have to tell a stranger what to do with their money?

Exaggerated Winner:

Which is it, are people supposed to be thrilled and congratulatory when you hit a jackpot yet, simultaneously, not be in any way reactive when they hit what they consider to be a good result? Maybe the lady hooting and hollering for a Full House simply does not play much Video Poker and, as a result, does not realize that such is not really that good (or uncommon) of a win. Furthermore, it can also be argued that for some Video Poker games (such as Ultimate X) a Full House can lead to something awesome!

When it comes to players who watch the credits being counted up on whatever size win, how can a person both be annoyed with such people and simultaneously annoyed by people who ask others to turn the machine down when they have hit a legitimate jackpot? Which one is it? Should people be as quiet as possible or as interactive with others as possible?

Besides that, I say, ‘Watch away,’ on a negative expectation game if watching entertains the person doing it! Take your sweet time watching those credits count up because, the longer you go without making a spin, the less your expected loss is for the period of time you are playing!

How can I simultaneously fault someone for being entertained and having a good time while expecting other people to be adulated for me when I hit something I consider a good win?

The Chatter:

Yup.

Nosy Ass:

Yup.

The Stalker:

It really depends on why the person may be stalking and how intrusive they are or are not being. I will freely admit that I am occasionally guilty of, ‘Stalking,’ but that is often because the person is playing a machine that happens to be positive (whether they know it or not) and I am trying to gauge how long they might be on it. I’m not silently cheering for the person to lose, I would never do that, I hope the person wins even if it voids out the reason I want that machine in the first place. However, if they are going to quit playing, I want that machine!

Therefore, yes, if the person has twenty or fewer base bets (in terms of credits) left on the machine, then I might stick around to see if the player breaks out more money upon tapping out, or if the player does hit a little something, I might walk around looking for other stuff (or get a coffee) and check back ten minutes later. I’m not trying to be rude, but if that player stops playing and someone else gets on that same machine before me, I would prefer that it be due to me finding some other positive play and not due to me being negligent or lackadaisical.

The Short Ride Home:

Barring a major and unexpected jackpot, I get back into my car and make my way back to the house in no better or worse of a mood than I was before I left. After all, I have seen all of these types of players and have had ample time to consider why they do what they do and behave the way that they do. For those people for whom the casino is meant to be a purely entertaining experience, it is understandable why such players could, ‘Rain on one’s parade,’ but for me, I mostly see a throng of people for whom I largely feel sorry. The only real exceptions to seeing these sorts of people from time to time come by way of going to,‘Resort Casinos,' where the number of true gambling addicts represents a smaller percentage of the visitors.

Conclusion:

Many of these annoying people are not doing what either myself or Lipstick are doing. For me, a trip to the casino (other than screwing around with friends for very small amounts, amounts such that Lipstick might accuse my, ‘Losing a dime at a time,’ Keno Philosophy as being a, ‘Tight Ass,’) is mainly about playing games if I have an expectation of profit and not playing them if I am expected to lose. For Lipstick, it is about playing with money that she can afford to lose, enjoying the atmosphere, and hoping to get lucky.

For many of these players, several of whom happen to be annoying for one reason or another, they are not playing for either of these reasons. They are there losing money that they often cannot afford to lose just like they lost money they couldn’t afford to lose the previous night, or maybe the week before and just like they will be unable to afford to lose the following night, or perhaps the very week after.

They are sometimes jealous when they see other people winning because they could so badly use the money, but at the same time, they know it is just as likely that they would pump it all back into the machine. They are jealous because the winning player gets to play longer or otherwise go out and enjoy the winnings with a fine dinner. The jealous player doesn’t get to do that because he/she is so far in the hole that he/she feels the need to continue to play, or because the person is simply incapable of stopping if they have something left.

For the same reason the smokers smoke, some of the fidgety players are that way because they have lost money they could not afford to lose and are hoping desperately for a hit. The superstitious players may have also developed their superstitious attempts to beat the machine for precisely that reason because coming up with a scenario in which they think they might win justifies the continued playing.

The stubborn players are often more likely than not in the throes of addiction as are many of the rude players who probably are not quite as rude outside of the casino atmosphere. In many cases, they probably are really more apathetic towards the presence of others than deliberately rude, beyond the point of caring as they watch their money disappear in a fashion that is only somewhat within the boundaries of their control.

Individuals such as myself and Lipstick are fortunate that we are only observing these people rather than ourselves being amongst these people. The fact that we can be annoyed by them is a convenience for us as is the existence of the casino to begin with. If I am doing a good job, the casinos are not making money off of me at all, and they don’t make enough money off of only players such as Lipstick to be profitable. It is these, ‘Annoying,’ players that even enable players such as myself and Lipstick to even have a casino to go to in the first place. Therefore, before casting aspersions, we may do well to try to understand why they are there and why they are doing what they are doing.