I hope you all enjoy this satire, I think I got bored tonight.
1. Before loading the software or signing in take a prozac or any other drug that will keep you in balance while you play.
2. Take a motion sickness pill that will make you sleepy. The software plays like you are on a roller coaster for hours or watching a yo yo go up and down.
3. Search your house for any pms medicine. Place the pill on the keyboard. Attempt to get the software to swallow the pill every 20 minutes.
4. Now you are ready to make your deposit with your bonus. Do this after midnight USA eastern time. The reason for this over half the Top Game sites after midnite dont answer you in the customer chat because the customer service representative has fallen asleep. The motion sickness pill will put you to sleep within 15 minutes while waiting for the customer service representative to wake up. Do not keep typing "anyone there", it doesnt work. You will wake up from your nap 4 hours later and now you dont feel like playing, hence you saved money.
5. For successful deposits DO NOT stare at your account balance waiting for your bonus to appear. Kindly ask customer service 5 times "where is my bonus?" Usually on the fifth time a miracle happens and your bonus magically appears in your account.
6. Now you are ready to play the slots. Load 6 different slot games. The reason for this is you are to never spin the same game more than 10 times in a row. If you attempt to spin more than 10 times your money disappears real fast.
7. After playing for an hour please remember there is nothing in the terms of service that states you cant give the finger at the monitor or drop a few f bombs. Even the wonderful writer of the terms of service at the Top Game software company who was on crack when doing the writing realized he should allow both the finger and f bombs because its not costing the casinos any money.
8. Never look at your reconcile report in the middle of playing to check your amount wagered to date. This pisses the software off and you will pay the price.
9. Never quit playing and sign out of your account unless you have reached your playthru or are close to it with plenty left in your account. This really pisses the software off because you have left the poor software alone to deal with customer service. When you sign into play the next time your account will go straight to zero.
THE FINAL 2 ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10. After you set up your withdrawal and send your documents in please realize the finance department only knows how to write and send emails. THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO OPEN AN EMAIL TO READ IT AND THEY HAVENT A CLUE HOW TO REPLY TO ONE !!
11. When you havent been paid in a month send customer service an email and ask them to print it then give it to the finance department. The email should state your doctor told you that you are terminally ill and have 6 months to live to please try and pay your online account by day 59 so you can enjoy your money before you die.
If you follow these 11 steps you will enjoy your experience at any Top Game site.
A comical guide to successful playing slots at a Top Game site
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