J.pot 6000.. Mr. Green... made sick/puke.. Gambling problem much...

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    oriug

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        oriug

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        A poor man like myself have learned something tonight; I've got problem. A big problem too; I have NO self-control when it comes to gambling, whatsoever. And now, Mr. Green's J.pot 6000 made me actually go to the toilet and puke. For real. I went from €2500 to €30 in roughly 5 minutes on 1-coin (€1) bet! I got only 3 times the lowest possible win. Didn't know that was possible, now I do. Now I am sitting here, feeling sick and in desperate need for sleep, but more importantly; HELP! I am clueless what's going on in my brain. It doesn't help me that I am all of a sudden having chest pain and such either.

        It hurts. It all just hurts. It's almost like when a psychopath gets this urge to kill, I get this urge to gamble. And now, my life is utterly dark and oh so bad. I have realized that all this is not good, not good at all. I have no income, my bank balance shows -20€ and my dog is dying.. Those €2500 would've been money for me to save my entire holidays, but no, because my eyes went completely greedy and gamblish, I'm all screwed up now.

        The worst and even more sad and frustrating part about this is that ALL of this, is my own fault. My own fault for not having any self-control, whatsoever. I've ruined for myself and I've ruined for people around me. It stings hard into my chest. I am boiling of sickness, almost like a flu... It feels horrible. Almost so tears are not holding back. And that coming from a person who usually doesn't have time to be sad... at all.

        Seeking professional help? Na-a. I can't, simply because that won't remain anonymous around here. I know who works at those places, and they are people who cannot be trusted, unfortunately. So now, what the HELL do I do next?! I cannot block my account because I still need my Visa so I can buy food so I'll survive. You guys are pro's, how and what do you do in situations like these..?

        Please. Help me, kindly, although I understand that this is all on me... I need advice.
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        dabigdog

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        tell all of the casinos to close your accounts because you have a serious gambling problem......they will close them immediately.......also  ,  you have got to want to quit...think about your priorities and it will be easier....good luck.....i have always felt there is a much higher percentage of problem gamblers on this site than we talk about
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        oriug

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        Yeah, and I guess that after today, things've gone clear for me and my brain on what I will be doing in the future. I cannot simply continue like that, because it's simply tearing me apart, and that's certainly not good.

        I have notified them and they've done so, yes. I've also blocked my Visa from using it on online casino sites, which is definitely good. I've also closed my e-wallets that have been used for gambling purposes and such.

        SO, all in all, this DOES feel good, despite all the crap that's been going on. But yeah, priorities = check. What else..? I am more than open for suggestions.

        And thanks a bunch for your words, mr!
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        jea77

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        Hey buddy,

        Just wanted to let you know that Im right there with you and I know exactly what emotions you are going through right now. Ever since I was little Ive been facinated by cardgames, slots etc. and I was probably one of the first in the entire country to play at Intercasino and Paradise poker back in 1999-2000 when online gambling was still completely unknown to people in general. I was sucked in and have barely looked back over my shulder since then. I remeber the first time I lost 1000$ playing online BJ - I think I cried my self to sleep that night and I was so scared of the way I completely lost control and sense of what I was doing - Like it wasnt even me clicking the mouse. I also remember the thrill of winning some 20.000$ in a live poker tournament in 2005 and I remember the pitch black hole I feel into when loosing that money again in about the same amount of time playing online poker. Ive lost 10.000$ in a single session more than a couple of times and even though I was actually a winning poker player at some point and had flair for the game (especially live poker), then I lost all my winnings and another 175.000$ or so in the 4 years to follow. I probably make more money than you do and I have never had to go through extremities (borrow money left and right, hustling friends or what ever) to cover my loses.

        I can tell you stories of people I know who have put more or less their entire life (girlfriend, parents, friends, familiy and entire lifesavings) on the line to fuel their urge to gamble. Thats not how low you and I have sunk and from what Im reading you seam like a guy with enough self-control and self-awareness to never sink that low. You are not a compulsive gambler or a person with psychopatic tendencies - A person like that would never exposure (reveal) him / her self like that and admit a defeat - And in a sense admit that he / she is just human. This may sound weird and maybe even a little upsetting given your current state of mind. But try enbrace that for a moment and see the positive site of a negative situation. You will never be some out of control compulsive gambler not giving a shit about paying your rent, having enough money to buy food and taking care of your dog and what not. Cause you do care exactly about those things and you wont let your gambling loses compromise such essensial values in your life. Thats my hole philosophy - And even though I have lost an insane amount of money I know I will never "loose it all" and I will not even let the thought of "loosing it all" get to me any more - Cause its exactly the kind of worst-case scenarios your treacherous mind likes to play around with when you have one of  these blow outs - And its those exact thoughts that make you physically ill. If I had a dime for every painfull extrasystole and psychosomatic reaction Ive had to my many many blow outs, well then I wouldnt have to worry about how to cover any future loses. But its a perfectly normal reaction and your body is just trying to help you gain control over your mind.

        I can talk for hours about this, but to give you one final friendly and honest advice to help you in your current situation (cause its not just gonna go away because you read about my problems or someone elses problems with gambling) - Go see a psychologist - But not just any psychologist. A psychologist that specilizes in cognitive behavioral therapy - Cause thats what you need. Someone who can help you change your entire mindset and perspective on your problem and life in general (cause its never just about the gambling problem). Ive seen someone every week for almost a year now and it has changed my life completely. I am now in control and I make the choices and even when I have a fall back (not if, WHEN) I can deal with it in a restrained manner.

        I know what you are thinking - Thats gonna cost you more than you have lost gambling. Well it wont and you dont need to see someone every week for a year. I can assure you that you will be a huge eyeopener after just the first session. And after a few sessions you will start to really feel the difference and how you regain control and even dicover new sides of your self. And if the person you are seeing is good he / she will be able to give you some tools to help you "block the urge" and collect your self before you reach that point during a gambling session where you just go berserk. Look at it as a way of "befriending your gambling" rather than fight against it. Cause you cant win by setting up all kinds of rules for your self and try exclude your self from gambling by blocking your CC or bank account or what ever. Its all about changing your perspective on life and the rest will follow.

        I hope this made you feel a little better and Im dead serious about the psychologist. And anyone who claims that its admitting defeat or embarrassing towards friends and family to go see a psycholoigist, well then that person is most likely to be only you.
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        soonerchick

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        I just wanted to send well wishes and good thoughts your way.

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        Johnny Karp

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        It's a tough situation and you have to be strong to get through this. You have already proven that you want this by closing your accounts, that's a first (big) step.

        In my view what you have to do next is have a goal, set yourself a purpose and stick to it until you reach it. It can be buying a car, or a new TV, or losing weight, or gaining weight, whatever, just pick something you would really want to get done and stick to it.

        But I agree with jea77, you should seek professional help too. 
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        dabigdog

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        oriug wrote:

        Yeah, and I guess that after today, things've gone clear for me and my brain on what I will be doing in the future. I cannot simply continue like that, because it's simply tearing me apart, and that's certainly not good.

        I have notified them and they've done so, yes. I've also blocked my Visa from using it on online casino sites, which is definitely good. I've also closed my e-wallets that have been used for gambling purposes and such.

        SO, all in all, this DOES feel good, despite all the crap that's been going on. But yeah, priorities = check. What else..? I am more than open for suggestions.

        And thanks a bunch for your words, mr!
        fantastic!  the reason it feels good is because it was good for you.  the first part of beating a problem is REALIZING the problem. ..and you have done that....then take ACTION....which you have made some very good steps....it is very easy to deposit when you have avenues and very hard when they are closed.....so good job with this step!  the other points mentioned above are excellent as well.  seeking professional help, or even over the phone counseling is very helpful because it stresses on the points of what is good and what is bad.......once your brain figures out what behaviors are actually bad even though they sometimes feel good makes things soooo much easier.......set small goals and let yourself feel good when you achieve them!!  please keep us posted
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        Cat50

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        OMG i have been in your position before and just know you have support.It will get better so dust yourself off and stick to your guns.
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        Markotik

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        It was a very brave thing to share what you have been through and that's the first and the most difficult step. Don't be ashamed to ask for help, a psychologist must keep everything confidential, so you shouldn't be worried about that. I really wish you all the best and stay strong.
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        sapit222

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        I wish you good luck & hope you will manage to get some help & quit gambling!
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        blueday

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          First off, kudos for your post oriug.  That took guts to post that and I think at some point, most gamblers have likely been where you are now.

          The art of being a good gambler is knowing when to withdraw that money you won.  I was terrible at withdrawing some years ago.  I won £3,000 on William Hill slots and did I withdraw it?  No.  I lost the lot because I was greedy for more and felt sure the slot would pay more.  I wasn't sick over what I did but I certainly felt it.  I felt like an absolute fool and I surely had "MUG" on my forehead.

          I did change my ways and withdraw whenever I win (most of the time).

          I think for you, you have done the right thing by closing your accounts.  Get yourself straight moneywise and get a positive balance in your bank account.  Make yourself take a set period of time off from gambling be it a week, a month, 2 months or whatever you think it will take to get over this.  Once you have decided a set period of time, stick to it.  No gambling whatsoever.  I guess it's like giving up cigarettes.  Hopefully, after your time off, your urge to gamble will have gone (but I doubt that it will have).  If you do decide to gamble again after your time off, set a limit on what you will deposit and if you win, set the min that you will withdraw and withdraw it.  I will do anything from 4x my deposit as a withdrawal...sometimes even 2x.

          The good thing is that you have lots of support in this forum and your journey can be helped by the caring members.

          Here for you!

          blue
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          kazzi

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          I've done this too many times winning up to 8-10000 and almost played it all back, made huge withdraws got the money then continue to give them all back in few days, i fell't so stupid and hated myself had huge problems sleeping could't stop thinking about how important those money was for me.

          I had a long break from gambling it was really hard but i made it through in the end, now i set myself goals most of the time i might win up big and play some back but if i reach 2x my deposits i will withdraw no more playing as i want to have something atleast.

          The problem is u win and your happy already but oh boy now u got the balance to try be a high roller where u can win the really huge bucks but it rarely turns out well and slots just stop paying anything so u loose a huge amount in 2min its all about selfcontroll which is almost impossibole when playing only cause your sitting there in your chair with nothing else to think about.

          But i really hope the best for you oriug be strong dude u can and will make it through, and good help is also to cancel your visa/mastercard and get a normal card you cant use online cause going through banktransfers is often too much of a hassle waiting 24hours for the money to be set into account which makes u stop easier to deposit cause u want to play now not wait.
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          oriug

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          It's very interesting to see all these intriguing posts from you lot, thanks a bunch for your inputs, shares and experiences!

          I have never had problems with being honest with myself and towards others, but in this case it is not just about that, but also realizing the mistakes, failures and the negative things I have been doing...for so long now. It HURTS so badly to think back to it, but it also HELPS considering that I have to learn from my mistakes, and I have done so. It feels....not so different RIGHT NOW, but I am definite sure that I will be noticing that after...a while!

          The reasons to not seek for professional help, at least in my case, is not as simple as I've probably said it is, but because of the situation I am in, this is no food for a shrink, seriously. I feel like it's no use nor help to bring this to a shrink who'll get me going through processes to get rid of ALL of this. What'd I gain by going to the shrink? Sure, I might be getting heaps of help, but what about getting things done your way?! I am NOT giving up on myself just like that. A shrink would "remove" my gambling in me (or at least try). That's not what I want nor what the real problem is, at least not in my case. The real problem is that I am lacking self-control in these kind of situations, and yes, you can easily argue with that a shrink will be able to fix this for me, but in my case, it'll make it worse, actually. Not only that, but it'll be 10 times more time consuming than doing it my own way.  It's hard to describe why and how I want to do it my way, and for some of you, it might be plain stupid and wtf, but all I can actually say is that I am dealing this in my own way, I have the mentality prepared for it and to what's coming next, I am getting major help from my closest ones (and THAT I seriously need) and even you guys are coming with useful inputs and such, hence which is one of the reasons why I actually BOTHERED posting this here in the first place.

          Now, it's been a couple of days since the "breakout", and I slowly starting to see the light coming back to me, as I seriously put myself into the many different situations I've been to, especially lately. It feels like I am gaining control, slowly. Certainly, I love to gamble, but I have now seen AND learned that one simply MUST put limits to it all, otherwise...THIS...will happen, and one does NOT want that to happen. I have actually had no problems sleeping whatsoever. Yes, I do think about what I've done, but I cannot grief too much over the loss, otherwise it'll just pain me even more, which is definitely useless.

          No... What I am doing is BEING EXTREMELY STRICT WITH MYSELF AND MY ACTIONS! Not cautious, but strict! And quite amazingly, it IS working. I haven't been gambling since the breakout, but I can already see things much more clear and how stupid I've been with the gambling and how "snapped" I have been throughout the plays. And that brings me to the actual case; WHAT made me do it? For me as well as many others, it was the amount of money I had in my casino balance, but also the fact that I was lured to believe that the slots I were playing, would give me more if I continued to play. NO THEY DON'T DO THAT! 99.6% of the times when you continue to play, they just SWALLOW your balance WHOLE! Yes, I used to read that sentence as just plain text, but now I seriously understand what it REALLY means, even if it was pretty darn obvious to begin with. So yeah, you REALLY got to be understanding to when you have to limit yourself and thus make the way to the EXIT! Don't get lured by the fact that other slots will give. Why the HECK do you reckon there are so many slots around in the first place?! Yep, for you to try them out and see what gives and what takes. Then all of a sudden; "oh snap... I've got 10 times less balance now than when I wanted to stop... whoops", and that's when the damage is done. As others have pointed out above my post, it's absolutely a MUST that you PUT LIMITS TO YOUR PLAY, BUT NOT JUST PUT LIMITS, BUT ALSO TAKE ACTIONS WHEN LIMIT IS REACHED! If you fail on doing so (making the exit while the play is good), THEN YOU ARE TRAPPED IN THEIR SYSTEM! So yeah, you REALLY gotta be seriously STRICT with yourself on your limits and way of playing. I am saying that so one got somewhere to begin. There are several steps to take into consideration besides the strictness, but for now, focus on that. I am doing that and for me it is working nicely, even if I am not playing. It also feels good that my thoughts and vision for the gambling has now changed. Already, yes. But, I am NOWHERE near the finish! If you start thinking about that, then your route to a more healthy gambling life = shaky, unstable and uncertain. So, be careful with that as well.

          So yeah, the point is that I am slowly gaining self-control, more and more as the days pass. And by doing this my own way, I will know exactly what to do and how to behave, think and focus while performing the actions. And so far it is going goodie, even if it's JUST the beginning of it all. And hey, if you really want this your own way, then you cannot just SAY IT, you have to THINK about it, UNDERSTAND it, BELIEVE in it, FOCUS on it, CARE about it, but more importantly; BE DETERMINED, and then mostly; PUT THE WORDS INTO ACTIONS, even if it pains you in several ways. The sooner you get off with it, the sooner you start losing weight on your shoulders. For some it may take longer, for some less, but either way; you'll get there if you truly wish and desire that. Just be prepared for one awful bumpy ride, but the joy when you reach your true destination, will be what we must consider as HEAVEN....

          Good luck and do NOT give up!
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          blueday

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            Very thoughtfully worded response and I get "it".  I understand why you must do this yourself and why you can't seek help from professional bodies - it's all about YOU being in total control.  If you can't do this with only the help of your closest and you have to seek help from "outside", then it would feel like you "lost already".

            I know you can do this from your words and I for one wish you the best outcome possible from this which I gather will mean you being able to gamble responsibly, sticking to limits and making withdrawals.

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            oriug

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            Precisely! That is my goal and that is what I want to achieve. It'll certainly take time, but that is something I've got plenty of, really. And thank you for your words too.

            But yeah, I will keep you guys informed on my process, steps I will be taking and such. I want to make this helpful towards others as well. Others who's in the same position as me.

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