Post your Halloween 2012 jokes here! Let's get giggling
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All you need to do is post your best halloween jokes in this thread.
- Started by
- at October 10, 2012, 09:59:39
Give your fellow LCB'ers a good laugh
I will start things off:
Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"
"Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
- Masked Halloween Party
A couple was invited to a Halloween Party. Wife got a bad headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He begrudgingly agreed and she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed.
He put on his costume and headed for the party. The wife woke up an hour later and felt much better and since it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her him to see how he acted when she wasn't around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and
devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.
She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all!
Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the
den and played poker all evening.
But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to,
sure had a real good time!"
I must be hungry cuz I'm fishin' chips!
Man driving down a long dark road sees a nun on the side walking.
- Replied by
- at October 10, 2012, 15:46:19
- last active 3 months ago
He pulls along side her, and says 'Sister, I'm a good Christian, and it hurts me to see you walk alone unattended here. Let me drive you".
She climbs in, nodding and smiling, thanks him and they drive the hour into town.
"How can I thank you, sir? asks the nun.
"Well, gosh", he replies, 'it's shore been a long time since I felt the touch of a woman".
She quickly unzips him, takes care of business and zips him back up.
When they get in town, she hops out and thanks him.
He calls out to her, "Hey, by the way sister. I lied. I ain't really a Christian".
"Oh, that's ok", she calls back. "I'm not really a nun. My name's Steve and I'm going to a Hallowe'en party."
- A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"
La justice poursuit le corps au-delà de toute souffrance possible. Michel Foucault (Surveiller et punir)
LOL Thanks for great jokes!
- Replied by
- at October 10, 2012, 22:50:18
- last active 4 hrs ago
Here's another one:
The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks. "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts. "Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely. "Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! Alright! Is that alright with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? huh?" At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage. Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."
Why Pumpkins are better than Men?
- Replied by
- Feelin froggy
- at October 11, 2012, 02:45:57
- last active 2 hrs ago
1. Every year you get a brand new crop to choose from.
2. No matter what your mood is, pumpkins are always ready to greet you with a smile.
3. One usually makes a better pie.
4. They are always on the doorstep there waiting for you.
5. If you don't like the way he looks, you just carve up a new face.
6. If he starts smelling up your place, you can just throw him out.
7. From the start you already know a pumpkin has an empty, mush filled head so there are no surprises.
8. A pumpkin is turned on (lit-up) only when you want him to be.
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