"cybersex" flirting or cheating? **MODS check I don't want to break any rules.

What would you do if you found out your partner was having a relationship online and would you consider it "cheating"?

I think it's hard to define a relationship online...there are so many strangers I have met or just talk to on a regular basis online whether it be here or facebook or other social medias. The people I only talk to online have become great friends but in a completely differnt way. I can't call these people and talk about my problems or the weather, nor can I go hang with them. I have no feelings for them either but I do get great entertainment from chatting and sharing stories and laughs. Maybe I don't get personally attached to online friends because I always have in the back of my mind that this profile/picture/person is a fake...having actual met one before who turned out to be "different" then pictures and post. So I'm not really sure how I would feel about my other half "cybercheating" is it really any different then people looking up porn because for all they know they could be talking to a 15 year old boy posting sexy pictures of women with their buddys and getting a laugh at all the hits they get. Or could be talking to a dirty old man for all they really know. Unless there has been an effort to meet and actual phone calls I'm not sure I would call it cheating...but the minute it left the computer and crossed the line of "actual" contact then yes. Could be your partner has an internet relationship just because he/she found someone to talk to that shares the same interest or understands what they are going through...or maybe this online friend just gives them good laughs...either way I personally think it would be better than going out and physically cheating....with that being said if I EVER caught my man talking trash to a girl online and he would be out the door...not really because I see it as cheating but because if I can't give him what he needs to be happy and he feels he needs to find something more from someone else then we have no business being together in the first place, but of course not everyone thinks like me, lol. This may be why I'm 30 years old and never even been close to getting married...I don't believe in putting work into relationships....my theroy is if it takes work then it's not right to start with, cut your loses and find someone else who's less complicated...hehehehe

sorry....don't ask how I just quoted myself and double posted...lol

Yes, absolutely I would consider it cheating... it is a betrayal of trust and that is highly destructive in a relationship. It is an emotional if not a physical affair. I know firsthand the end result of that behavior in a partner and it is as real as if the person doing this is running across town to meet a lover. Eventually if it goes unchecked, they do cross over into phones, meetings, and getting physical.

katt

Thank you for your thoughts satansmuff,  I agree it is on a different level than actually meeting up with the person.  But then there is the phone aspect..does calling someone on the phone as well as a online relationship make it cheating or just flirting? even if they are 3000 miles away?

"cut your loses and find someone else who's less complicated...hehehehe" << please direct me to the directory of uncomplicated women. lol

Thanks Katt, I also agree with that..trust is HUGE! If they would hide a sexual online relationship from you what else are they hiding? How could one ever learn to trust that person again? People say trust can be earned back but in a serious relationship can it really?

I'm taking this is a personal post for you? I'm sorry if it is and only you can say or decide how you feel on this issue. I do think phone calls are crossing the line because it indicates a desire for more than just mindless typing and of course can lead to meeting up somewhere. Like I said not everyone has the same view on relationships as me...if so no marriage would ever work out as those things can sometimes take alot of work, lol. I'm aware that every relationship is bound to have a problem or two and I wouldn't leave over some bickering or conflict of interest but when I meant I walk away is if it gets to a point where the sex is  no longer there or the bickering is constant or you just never have anything to say anymore...thats where the work comes in and thats where I say it's over...because to me that means while you may love a person you are no longer in love if you know what I mean. I don't think any amount of work can bring back that kind of love. Now it's up to you to find how what is or isn't wrong in your relationship and decided how much this girl means to you and whether or not it's worth "working" on. Have you at least confronted her on this and find out what is really going on or why?

Ps.... if this issue makes you feel that bad or makes you question everything then sorry to say it but maybe you are better off finding someone new. Someone who cares about your feelings and someone who would rather talk and flirt with you rather than some stranger on the internet.

I'd consider it cheating but I'd also consider it stupid because such an internet relationship is a complete waste of time in my view.

I call it cheating. Would sitting in a bar talking to someone half night and talking the nasty be called cheating. Most would say yes. Cybersex is no different imo.

MOST of the time, it is cheating.

I would consider it cheating. There is obviously something to be gained by this relationship or he/she wouldn't do it whether emotionally or in the flesh should they choose to meet. What is cheating? It's doing the other wrong. It's a break in trust.

With the introduction of social networks, many times you know the person. It's not a complete stranger and there's no fear of meeting them. Internet relationships may begin that way but I wonder what percentage actually end up getting together. I'm willing to bet it's a lot.

Yes, i do feel it's cheating, and yes more comes of it, yes some have left their spouses for these relationships even though they never met, some risk it all, fall madly in love.. i know people who have done this, beleive me when i say this...it's never harmless, if you are in the position and feel your relationship is worth it then try to put a stop to it, but this does depend on how YOU feel..

This happened to my honey,his wife of 20 years started chatting with someone in a chat room.He found out at Christmas (thanks alot) when he overheard her tell the other party she loved him.They seperated and all within 6 months she was engaged.That didn't last and neither have the numerous other hook-ups she has had thru internet.I would have thought she'd learn a lesson...guess not. I think it is a form of cheating for sure.

Well....it's a good thing it happened Rosebud. If his wife wasn't such an idiot you wouldn't have your "honey" 

Leavefall...I'm glad you left her even though I know it must have been hard for you. But you deserve to find someone whos not looking for other options.

It is.

its not only cheating but very very dangerous

I do agree with you Rena about all the horror stories, but i don't agree with the lack of success of online dating. I know alot of people who are together and happy after meeting online via dating websites, facebook, myspace, you name it....myself having met a boyfreind online and although it didn't work out in the end we did have 3 great years together and a good friendship now