A "downer" of a conversation

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    hymacaw

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        hymacaw

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        This past weekend, there was a horrible event that took place in a small city not far from me.  An off duty Sgt Deputy (with the same county that my husband is retired from) went in to a tavern, fatally shot his estranged wife & one of the three girlfriends she was with and then took his own life.  He also shot the third friend of his wife's, who is still in critical condition.  Needless to say, those who knew the deputy are in shock that one of their own could commit such a heinous act...leaving behind a 13 yr old son and 3 young adult children.  We all grieve for the families of the victims while trying to understand why men (and sometimes women) come to a point in a troubled relationship that they feel the only way out is to kill their spouse/partner and then themselves.  Sometimes they take their kids with them.  This couple had filed for divorce last Summer but in the weeks leading up to the finalization of it, the husband decided he did not want to end their marriage and wanted to reconcile.  The wife decided not to...and was happily moving on with her life, away from what her friend's called, a 'controlling relationship'.

        I just never understood why a man can get so possessive over a woman that when she decides that the relationship is over, he often conjures up the notion, "If I can't have you, NO ONE will" and then resorts to something so unimaginable....why...why...why?  My husband did not know this deputy well but did know his 20 yr old (e) son, who worked as a recruit with him on the river patrol that he does during the Summer months.  Great kid....who's life will never be the same.  And the 13 yr old son, played football with one of my grandson's....another great kid, who's life has just been destroyed.

        I hear these similar stories all across the Country and ALWAYS wonder....why?  But this one has hit a little closer to home, and I can't stop thinking about the victims' families...and wonder...how can we prevent these terrible things from happening.  Our local County Sheriff says they already have several anti-domestic violence programs for deputies in place but he said all of them will be reviewed to see what they can do better to try to prevent this kind of tragedy in the future.  Is that enough?
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        genenco

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        "Today, most of the good people are afraid to be good. They strive to be broadminded and tolerant. It is fashionable to be tolerant but mostly tolerant of evil and this new code has reached the proportions of demanding intolerance of good."
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        At first hymacaw I had thought it was some of the gang stuff. Then came the word of who and what occured. I heard that the man had filed for divorce, but was looking at trying to get back with her.

        Who knows what made him go over the edge? Maybe he was the "Possesive" type, he may have been abusive. We'll never know and at times I hear/see this and I am also puzzled as to "Just walk away" doesn't seem to cross their minds.

        Of course, that's the problem with mental diseases, they creep up slowly and by the time someone notices it, it may be too late.
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        Shelli

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        Very sad hun. I will keep the entire town in my prayers hun.
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        Lipstick

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        Hi hym,

        I don't think it is enough. How can ya get in the mind of someone who is so off kilter. If anything maybe laws need to be changed. If the spouse feels threatened by unstable behavior or actions they should be forced to go through counseling.

        There needs to be better laws to protect victims. It goes for all types of violence. If you go to the police and say your being stalked......unless the person physically harms (by that time its too late) you then there is nothing they can do.

        I know how you feel, it is hard to get out of your head when hearing these kinds of stories. Particularly when it is so close to home. I am the same way. There such a heaviness i feel like i'm living it.

        All you can do is pray for the family and give your own family a big hug. Tomorrow is another day........i hope you feel better.

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        Deb321

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        My daughter's ex husband had some anger issues, long story, but if I was to say he was a bodybuilder most of you could figure out why his head was screwed up.He ended up going to see someone for his anger problems and the counsler called my daughter and told her they had notified the authorities and they were calling her to let everyone know that he was a threat to her and himself. That way if she called the police because he was out of control or threatening her they had been alerted and would take action immediately.Thank goodness it never came to that.

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