Addiction is a nasty disease. It gets ahold of you and it is almost impossible to break yourself from its grip.
I have fought the addiction demon for most of my life, and today I am still fighting.
Both of my parents were addicts, my father was murdered over drugs, and my mother was high when she took her own life.
I almost lost my life to this disease. I came within weeks of losing my children forever. I was an ugly person inside, and I didn't care who I hurt as long as I got high. I wasn't a good person, mother, friend, or daughter.
I was addicted to Meth for 4 years. I am proud to say that I am clean and sober today, I have been clean for 4 years in December. I know it's not that long, but everyday that I stay clean I feel so much stronger.
I am a different person today, and although I will always be an addict, I am glad to say that addiction doesn't control me anymore.
I will continue to fight.
:-*
Addiction
- Started by
- MommyMachine
- Mighty! Member 3746
- last active 2 years ago
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- Started by
- MommyMachine
- at Jun 19, 10, 01:54:29 AM
- Mighty! Member 3746
- last active 2 years ago
-
- Replied by
- Imagin.ation
- at Jun 19, 10, 12:22:25 PM
- Superstar Member 5026
- last active 5 years ago
Mommy.. i umm.. feel you dearly.. i write a journal.. im going to show you my front page..
As i sat there... pouring my quiet affliction, the silence devouring my avid addiction...
My mind wandering to distant places... trying to keep up with that "extacy" of mine...
Bearing my will through time untold... driving myself insane, how good it felt...
Looking up, i only found a pale dark sky, I... slipping through like a hole in glittering sand..
My life was here... represented by this void, and endless dreams i never had...
I'm going to try to write about this bitter/sweet... i get emotional because i lost so so much
It's hard to understand, the only one that could is one thats been there.... strong enough to survive..
To have the strength to let go... you have to hold on.. getting to sober is only half as hard as staying there..
Just having no drugs or alcohol in you doesn't mean your okay and it's all better... its a slow process..
Theres alot of paranoia and confusion, you're in disarray, things don't look, sound or feel real...you were drunk or high all the time...
Causing ill choices and wrong descions, it's like sitting in a fog.. slowly it subsides revealing... my gosh.. the shocking everything..
You don't jump back into life as if it was so suddenly clear and beautiful, though it is..you'll come across all that was ugly as well..
At nitemarish porportions, you can't run.. you face it.. look Vivi.. look what you done to yourself.. your body shakes and craves, your mind has been tossed and lost, ashamed, alone in fear... your heart and soul aches for freedom.. the mirror is taking you half way there...
This is where it begins, your first step... your first descion to just do it.. the mirror knows you're not afraid, do you really want to die?
Okay.. now it's time to learn to live..
High.. The descending sweetness..
Aboard the round river raft, spinning the journey from atop the valley.. downward winding on a rapid river boat ride, "let me off" you'll scream...
sick and dizzy, that begins to fade... with no thoughts, no direction, just blurred recycled non-reality..all matters obsolete
loving losing your mind.. the thrill standing still.. the blurr becomes your best friend, into this world you are obscuring,
escaping life as you know..you find yourself again and again waiting in line without patience.. for what will become your favorite ride....
He comes to your door and wants you to play, so you cautiously agree and say..
"ok", but "only this once"..you tell him real stern, "theres alot about you i don't want to learn".
You play for a while, its just for fun, but little do you know the games just begun.
See, once you agree to go out and play, you give up your freedom, and he leads the way.
You'll say "its no big deal, i still have control"... but little by little he lures you to his hole.
Before you know it, nothings the same, you're ashamed and embarressed to even admit your name.
You'll have no money, no pride, no soul but still you'll insist, "i've got control"
Its been what seems like years gone by since that first day, you have few memories, since you started on your way.
Theres been nothing accomplished, the bills hardly get paid, and you.. you're always afraid.
Locked in your room... "i've still got control" you'll suddenly find your own self betrayed..
You take it easy for a week or so, but then he comes back, and you can't say no,
he laughs and he laughs, he knows you are weak.. he totally gets off on making you tweak...
The enemy game..
I'll be back to write more.... i'm going to add more daily, my mind is still hazy
i'll add as it comes to me, then i'll put it all togther, so it might seem a little scattered for now...
This is my front page.. you're not alone.. :'( ... but as you i am proud where i am now..
Thank you for sharing Mommy.. my prayers are in.. -
- Replied by
- Lipstick
- at Jun 19, 10, 12:31:15 PM
- Admin 13900
- last active 11 months ago
Hi Mommy,
I want to commend you on your courage to write what you did. You are such an inspiration for others. Your candid personal experience only gives me the greatest respect for you!
I am proud to know you have been clean or four years. Addiction is something that is a up hill battle for the rest of your life. You are proving that your climbing that hill straight to the top!
Your life my darling sweetheart has been a rough road. But you have persevered and your reward is a great family. I admire you for not being bitter given the heartache you have endured.
If you stood before me now i would give you a great big hug!!! Thank you for being such a wonderful, sincere and warm person within our LCB family!
Lips -
- Replied by
- ishin
- at Jun 19, 10, 12:34:21 PM
- Super Hero 1240
- last active 6 years ago
Addiction is a nasty disease. It gets ahold of you and it is almost impossible to break yourself from its grip.
I have fought the addiction demon for most of my life, and today I am still fighting.
Both of my parents were addicts, my father was murdered over drugs, and my mother was high when she took her own life.
I almost lost my life to this disease. I came within weeks of losing my children forever. I was an ugly person inside, and I didn't care who I hurt as long as I got high. I wasn't a good person, mother, friend, or daughter.
I was addicted to Meth for 4 years. I am proud to say that I am clean and sober today, I have been clean for 4 years in December. I know it's not that long, but everyday that I stay clean I feel so much stronger.
I am a different person today, and although I will always be an addict, I am glad to say that addiction doesn't control me anymore.
I will continue to fight.
:-*
...youre not alone in this struggle -
- Replied by
- toodleedoo
- at Jun 19, 10, 12:47:55 PM
- Sr. Member 452
- last active 4 years ago
Wow mommy, very straight to the gut with this. I'm sorry you went through all of that. I'm a child of druggies too. I never did drugs, probably because I was an only child and we literally moved every 6 months or so town to town, (I think so I wouldn't get taken away and they would lose government funds) and i learned to blend in and be the adult in the family. I learned to be alone all the time, even when they were there. I learned that my friends could never come over because that would mean my 'parents' would have to not do drugs for one night. I remember talks like 'you can't say that stuff Lyn, do you want to go live someplace else? Do you want them to come take you away from your mom and never see her again?' So I learned silence. I was out on my own at 15 though, not because I had the problem, but because they finally gave in completely and lost all electricity, power, food, jobs, etc. and were basically camping at their trailor doing meth. The final straw was when I woke up in the middle of the night to find a stranger sitting on my bed going through my things smoking a pipe. I moved in with friends so I could graduate a year and half early from high school. I guess I went the opposite direction, I hated them and I hate drugs, yet they formed who I am I guess. My stepdad (never met my real dad big surprise) died of liver cancer, and I found out that the docs didn't help him much because they kept finding crank in his system. My mom died 2 years ago of lung cancer, she made it the longest, but she killed herself too, in a way i won't go into right now. So I feel you, I do. Addiction has manifested itself in gambling for me but I recognized that years ago and got some counseling to help sort it all out in my head. Now I can enjoy playing, and it doesn't control me. You almost never stood a chance because you had almost no role models, yet look at you! You're a great mom and friend and person. I'm happy to know you.
-
- Replied by
- toodleedoo
- at Jun 19, 10, 12:52:46 PM
- Sr. Member 452
- last active 4 years ago
Imagin- beautiful writing, thank you for sharing. I got chills when i read it because it is so familiar watching my family members. I remember my mom climbing the walls literally when she was out, it was awful. You are so strong, and so brave to share your personal feelings and thoughts. Thank you.
-
- Replied by
- Lipstick
- at Jun 19, 10, 01:00:42 PM
- Admin 13900
- last active 11 months ago
Ahhh tood......you too are an awesome person. You are always keeping it real and it is what i most admire about you. I have followed you and read your blogs.
There is a lot to be said about coming from the school of hard knocks. There is one of 2 paths to take being brought up in it. The ones who choose the right path are the teachers of the world. In so many cases, i feel that these are the most real and genuine souls among us. It takes pain and sorrow that builds fine character and gives them wisdom.
I sense your wisdom and your strength and i must say i am proud to know you and have you as part of the forum as well.
Lips -
- Replied by
- Imagin.ation
- at Jun 19, 10, 01:41:53 PM
- Superstar Member 5026
- last active 5 years ago
Imagin- beautiful writing, thank you for sharing. I got chills when i read it because it is so familiar watching my family members. I remember my mom climbing the walls literally when she was out, it was awful. You are so strong, and so brave to share your personal feelings and thoughts. Thank you.
Well, me like you i spent my life hating drugs and alcohol.. i grew up with family members who did use them, that reflection and those memories kept me away.. and their lives to this day are in shambles (shame and scramble).. but i fell, there were things that were happening in my life and for some reason i felt it was all i had to turn to.. this is recent for me..in secret, nobody knew.. it was 2 years i spent a slave, in those 2 years i lived for it, and i would die for it..strange to have only that to live and die for.. but in my life its all i cared for.. its all that existed..
A horrible thing happened that devasted and horrified my brother who found me, it took that to reveal as Mommy said, how nasty this disease is..
Toodle and Mommy, both of you are commended and admired greatly.. it is a strong battle either way.. but we win.. -
- Replied by
- MommyMachine
- at Jun 19, 10, 02:45:21 PM
- Mighty! Member 3746
- last active 2 years ago
It is an uphill battle indeed. I am lucky enough to live in a place where it is no longer around me. In Vegas it was everywhere...I remember spending my time downtown wondering where I was going to get my next high. Or where I was going to stay for the night... UGH. I am soo glad that is behind me.
I met my husband 5 years ago, he was working as Security at the Gold Spike Casino downtown Las Vegas. He has never done drugs, and he stood by me through the worst of times. He actually had a HUGE part of me getting clean and getting my children back.
Imagin. I know where you are at right now, and stay strong, we can beat this!
Toodle, I thought when I was growing up I would never touch the stuff because I seen what it did to my parents, I was wrong, I became them.
:-* -
- Replied by
- Imagin.ation
- at Jun 19, 10, 04:00:02 PM
- Superstar Member 5026
- last active 5 years ago
It is an uphill battle indeed. I am lucky enough to live in a place where it is no longer around me. In Vegas it was everywhere...I remember spending my time downtown wondering where I was going to get my next high. Or where I was going to stay for the night... UGH. I am soo glad that is behind me.
I met my husband 5 years ago, he was working as Security at the Gold Spike Casino downtown Las Vegas. He has never done drugs, and he stood by me through the worst of times. He actually had a HUGE part of me getting clean and getting my children back.
Imagin. I know where you are at right now, and stay strong, we can beat this!
Toodle, I thought when I was growing up I would never touch the stuff because I seen what it did to my parents, I was wrong, I became them.
:-*
Before this, it was me who pulled so many friends out of their bad situations, the lectures i told, the help they needed, the shelter and strong hand and mind they needed to stay away.. I pulled my daughters father from so many of those places on Fremont.. where he sold his jewelry, food, our VCR's, telephones, TV's, while i'm at work he would take all my money (i made tips) even my car once.. my car, my livelyhood.. i'd have to go in and pay to get these items back, a drug dealer holding and having my stuff i worked hard for. The shame and the tongue lashing i would put him through, the anger and not truely understanding caused more... his guilt would keep him straight for a while.. but.. he was back again before long..we broke up it was one of the reasons..i was so anti-drug.. insisting i would never live my life with someone who did them and a person who didn't think me and my daughter were enough to stop... how wrong i am..
I once took a friend right up to the doors of drug rehab which she fought very hard, making every excuse..she was so bad off on that hard hard, that dirty dirty.. she had sores coming through her skin.. the poison from it.. she went in.. within a few days she left.. vowing never to do them again.. a promise she broke..
When i go back and think about this.. that for it to happen to me.. leads me to beleive it can happen to anyone.. the first time it is your choice.. the next is not.. -
- Replied by
- august2153
- at Jun 19, 10, 04:35:02 PM
- Super Hero 1059
- last active 4 years ago
-
- Replied by
- MommyMachine
- at Jun 19, 10, 06:36:47 PM
- Mighty! Member 3746
- last active 2 years ago
My sister is still in its grips. She lost everything, her home her job, and now her children are gone, they have been adopted, and she can't see them. I wish I could help her, but I believe you have to want it for yourself.
She has hepatits from IV drug use, she is homeless, and I am scared for her. Please pray that she overcomes this disease before it is too late.
:-* -
- Replied by
- Imagin.ation
- at Jun 19, 10, 09:34:12 PM
- Superstar Member 5026
- last active 5 years ago
I feel ya Mommy, i have 2 older brothers(same mother different fathers whom they lived with for a while) one was 8 ballin and drinking, slipped into a coma for 45 days, this was his first encounter with it being a medical condition, when he awoke he had been diagnosed with hepatitis and diabeties brought on by his alcohol and drug addition, he's joined AA and he went sober.. but even with this he slipped back so many times. My other brother was an alcoholic,addicted to gambling and did drugs occasionally, but also ended up in the hospital him being diagnosed with scorosis(am i spelling that right?) liver disease also having hepatitis this one is missing for about 5 years now..he lost everything as well.. and just went to walking the streets.. we can't find him anywhere, he doesn't even know our mom passed.
My youngest sister is addicted to pain killers (all kinds) and mixes that with speed, thing with her is she is very level headed..hard to explain her outside self seems to have it under control.. this is if it is around she does it if not she doesn't..her inside self it could be a different story.. she could be like me and did what i did to hide it as to how bad it is.. so i worry constantly, she lives in another state so it's hard..
My parents drank on the weekends and would get drunk, we lived in the same house for 15 years, my father was a good example and my mother was the normal housewife mother.. my brothers father was an alcoholic as well and did die from it, it makes me wonder is it somehow this disease be genetically connected?
I have 1 brother who is straight he is the one who found me he is 2 years younger then me, he's the one who has been my strength and has been by my side through it, his patience, his love and understanding has been a blessing..
Vegas holds the 3 highest addictions.. gambling, drugs and alcohol and it's everywhere.. it is also the highest transient city.. -
- Replied by
- MommyMachine
- at Jun 19, 10, 10:26:32 PM
- Mighty! Member 3746
- last active 2 years ago
I totally believe that it is genetically connected. I believe that addiction is hereditary. I know some believe it isn't though.
My sister is also out in Las Vegas, so it's hard for me as I cannot see her. I just hope she wakes up soon. She is only 28 years old, she could still have her whole life ahead of her...
:-* -
- Replied by
- Imagin.ation
- at Jun 19, 10, 10:33:29 PM
- Superstar Member 5026
- last active 5 years ago
I think that "addiction" is the gene in our blood that is passed and holds the disease, like lurking or waiting.. and then it is catagorized by which it is and spreads or is triggered by that that is addicting.
This is what i beleive...
My younger brother who has different mother but we have same father had no addictions in his life (i didn''t meet him til i was 14 and we became very close right from the start) I went through life with no addictions until recently.. which i am clean now..
I smoked weed, which i gave that up in a heartbeat.. but the other was a different color of the horse i rode.. -
- Replied by
- drpsyce38
- at Jun 19, 10, 11:06:12 PM
- Super Hero 1493
- last active 4 years ago
Addiction CAN be genetic. And also, addiction can simply systemically mimic past family behavior.
To say there is a gambling-alcohol-drug-pornography gene has only achieved limited results insofar as diagnosis or treatment.
In other words, if your father/mother or grandfather/grandmother drank too much, there is a significant chance YOU will have a disposition to drink too much too....whether or not an identified gene is present.
Now, if you REALLY want to get complicated: How about "sober" people ,whose father was a raving drunk, getting married to a drunk! Those are tough ones to figure out. -
- Replied by
- ishin
- at Jun 20, 10, 02:01:05 PM
- Super Hero 1240
- last active 6 years ago
Problem Gambling
by Leonard J Sherrott
Everything I have is tabled
My worth awaits the spin of a wheel.
Will I suddenly see a change of luck
Or am I facing the last deal?
Stricken with a gambling addiction,
Fueled by a need to endure,
Rent's due, car's about to be taken
This fever has me on the lure.
Thirteen black , not so unlucky.... this time
I sigh, as the ball hits the slot.
A windfall of minor proportion,
A chance to take stock of my lot.
The gain, well; I've really gained nothing,
In cash terms I'm back to the start.
The coupe still facing repossession,
The landlord won't show any heart.
The loss just keeps accumulating,
My family, respect, self esteem.
The holiday we were all planning,
New car, New House, distant dream.
What excuse will I fabricate this time,
The lies are getting harder to tell
Sleep lost to a neglected conscience,
Means my job is on the line as well.
I feel so alone with this disease
Amongst friends, relatives, my wife!
This problem is slowly destroying me,
Eroding everything in my life. -
- Replied by
- MommyMachine
- at Jun 20, 10, 03:01:48 PM
- Mighty! Member 3746
- last active 2 years ago
-
- Replied by
- Imagin.ation
- at Jun 20, 10, 04:58:00 PM
- Superstar Member 5026
- last active 5 years ago
The majority of people who have addiction(s) that i have seen in all my years, there was always some kind of history in the family somewhere. I beleive we ALL carry that addiction gene, i beleive our ancestors had alot of addictions, you can be addicted or compulsive to anything on this earth, it is the one that triggers what your addiction gene will be triggered by that distinguishes which one it is..
-
- Replied by
- drpsyce38
- at Jun 21, 10, 07:05:23 AM
- Super Hero 1493
- last active 4 years ago
Imagin.........bingo! Familly history, behavior and patterns. This is why it MAY not always be genetic. Our families of origin have a very powerful effect on how we are shaped and formed as people.
For example, if Mom is super stressed out and anxious that will "spill" over into her children who will act out that stress/anxiety in some form. Genetics has nothing to do with it.
If Dad is a drunk, that behavior (which might be genetic) will spill over into his children who will act out the alcoholism in SOME way. (May be withdrawnl, may drink too, may marry a drunk, may find a compulsive distraction, etc.) And once again, a "gene" may have nothing to do with it. -
- Replied by
- ishin
- at Jun 29, 10, 03:44:58 PM
- Super Hero 1240
- last active 6 years ago
Soopa Feen
by Del the Funky Homosapien
Soopa Feen
he used to gleam and glow
before he became a fiend for blow
Unredeemable
I seen him go
insane
straight from cocaine
graduated to no brain
He went from Polo’s to no name
pawned everythang
even his gold chain
Now his ass is dingy
and he be singeing
his lips on a glass tube
and pass on food
His ass all glued
to the seat of his pants
got cuts and hella puss on his feet and hands
Completely entranced
Give this nigga a face wipe
before he meet his commissioner base pipe
cause he said it don’t taste right
He used to cop that hop
so his face might look familiar to some
but now your boy’s plumb dumb
running around the slums
sticking out his tongue
at young females
he sees trails
he thinks they’re aliens
he starts bellin,’ in the precinct
his feet stink
they throw his ass in the clink
cuz he 5150
Listen?: http://delthefunkyhomosapien.bandcamp.com/track/soopa-feen -
- Replied by
- wnanhee
- at Jun 29, 10, 03:59:43 PM
- Superstar Member 5413
- last active 2 years ago
Stupid question but I have always wondered what's the difference in between crank and crack? I tried to Google but couldn't understand...id anyone know, please explain it to me? Thanks...oh, and what is meths,really? I mean you know, joint is Marijuana then what's meths? is it like cocaine?
-
- Replied by
- Imagin.ation
- at Jun 29, 10, 04:15:26 PM
- Superstar Member 5026
- last active 5 years ago
Crank is speed ground down like mushed pills and snorted, crack is cocaine it is sometimes cut or mixed it is made into a solid form through a cooking method for smoking, sometimes called freebasing.. meth and crank are the dirtiest form, i've seen it snorted, smoked and injected and most quickly addictive..
This is just a quick explaination, i don't know off hand the medical names or exact ingredients for them, someone might know -
- Replied by
- ishin
- at Jun 29, 10, 05:41:36 PM
- Super Hero 1240
- last active 6 years ago
Crank = amphetamines = speed = tweek...this is 'dirty' (but then again, 'dirty' and/ or 'clean' is totally subjective)
'Meth' is short for methamphetamines...by adding on a methyl side chain onto an amphetamine core, the Japanese were able to create a drug that has lasting effects 10x that of regular amphetamine. They gave this to their Kamakazi pilots and soldiers for those extended hours of duty.
Meth = ice = glass = crystal = shit = ish
Both crank and meth can be crushed and snorted. Both are water soluble and can be dissolved for injection. Meth usually is smoked tho.
Crack = rock cocaine = cocaine + baking soda. By heating cocaine and baking soda, it forms a rock that is then smoked. Cocaine alone burns off at far too low of a temperature and alot is wasted.
If you really want to learn more, check out www.Erowid.org...Documenting the complex relationship between humans and psychoactives -
- Replied by
- wnanhee
- at Jun 29, 10, 08:59:15 PM
- Superstar Member 5413
- last active 2 years ago
:'( :'( :'( Ha hah...I asked my daughter a while back what meths was...I meant what's made of...and she told me, meths is everything you can make from home products...any chemicals...so I made my own conclusion, thought it was like Clorox plus laundry detergent something...that's where I got confused...
Thank you,Imagin and ishin... for taking your time and answering my question...though I am still lost...sorry I am slow... -
- Replied by
- MommyMachine
- at Jul 04, 10, 02:16:25 PM
- Mighty! Member 3746
- last active 2 years ago
I am Meth.
This was written by a young Indian girl who was in jail for drug charges, and was addicted to meth. She wrote this while in jail. As you will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this simple, yet profound poem. She was released from jail, but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her arm.
My Name: "Is Meth"
I destroy homes, I tear families apart,
I take your children, and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.
If you need me, remember I'm easily found,
I live all around you - in schools and in town.
I live with the rich; I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.
I'm made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.
In your child's closet, and even in the ds,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.
I have many names, but there's one you know best,
I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth.
My power is awesome; try me you'll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.
When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie,
You do what you have to -- just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms,
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms.
You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.
I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always -- right by your side.
You'll give up everything - your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.
I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me be warned - this is no game,
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind,
I'll own you completely! , your soul will be mine.
The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.
But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.
You'll regret that you tried me, they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.
You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?
I'll be your master, you will be my slave,
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.
:-* -
- Replied by
- MommyMachine
- at Jul 04, 10, 04:09:07 PM
- Mighty! Member 3746
- last active 2 years ago
-
- Replied by
- toodleedoo
- at Jul 05, 10, 11:18:14 AM
- Sr. Member 452
- last active 4 years ago
Amen, that poem is right on. Poor thing.
Dr- I was going to say that too, hillbilly heroin. The later effects on people who do manage to kick its habit is pretty rough. No teeth, sunken face, skin just hangs, not to mention the mental defects. I speak from firsthand experience... my mom looked like she was 67 when she passed and she was only 51.
This thread makes me sad, and sort of in awe at how common my situation was in the big picture. And that is sad. Thanks for sharing everyone. -
- Replied by
- Imagin.ation
- at Jul 05, 10, 12:20:07 PM
- Superstar Member 5026
- last active 5 years ago
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- MommyMachine
- at Jul 05, 10, 12:42:13 PM
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- Replied by
- ishin
- at Jul 11, 10, 02:26:26 PM
- Super Hero 1240
- last active 6 years ago
I am Meth.
This was written by a young Indian girl who was in jail for drug charges, and was addicted to meth. She wrote this while in jail. As you will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this simple, yet profound poem. She was released from jail, but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her arm.
My Name: "Is Meth"
I destroy homes, I tear families apart,
I take your children, and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.
If you need me, remember I'm easily found,
I live all around you - in schools and in town.
I live with the rich; I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.
I'm made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.
In your child's closet, and even in the ds,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.
I have many names, but there's one you know best,
I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth.
My power is awesome; try me you'll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.
When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie,
You do what you have to -- just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms,
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms.
You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.
I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always -- right by your side.
You'll give up everything - your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.
I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me be warned - this is no game,
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind,
I'll own you completely! , your soul will be mine.
The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.
But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.
You'll regret that you tried me, they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.
You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?
I'll be your master, you will be my slave,
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.
:-*
Daaaam...this is the first poem I've read that so accurately describes the reality of meth in such a simple way for everyone to understand...dead smack truth, no sugar coating.
Mommy, any mention of this poet's name anywhere? Her name needs to be shared -
- Replied by
- kazzi
- at Jul 11, 10, 02:51:02 PM
- Hero Member 931
- last active 6 years ago
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- Replied by
- MommyMachine
- at Jul 11, 10, 03:33:19 PM
- Mighty! Member 3746
- last active 2 years ago
Unfortunately there isn't a name. There has been speculation about the name, even people trying to take credit for it, that are very much alive.
The story is the girl died shortly after writing this while in jail.
Whoever wrote it is amazing. It gives me chills just reading it.
I found some stuff about it on Snopes...about the people who try to claim they wrote it, and also they are saying it's a myth that the girl who wrote this died from an overdose.
http://www.snopes.com/glurge/iammeth.asp
:-* -
- Replied by
- ishin
- at Jul 11, 10, 03:48:08 PM
- Super Hero 1240
- last active 6 years ago
Yep....Hill-billy heroin is bad stuff......
Wow, you can really "hear" the pain in that poem.
cmon dr, theres no need for stereotyping and disparaging remarks here. My Hill-billy friends would take offense to "Hill-billy heroin is bad stuff."
Is Non-Hillbilly heroin good stuff? Is heroin from Afghanistan any better?
What is "Hill-billy heroin?" In this context, I assume Hill-billy heroin is Meth.
So did you mean meth manufactured by Hill-billies is bad stuff? If so, why? Are hillbillies stupid and don't know their chemistry in order to make good meth? meth is meth, its impact on humans is irrespective of race, gender, or socio-economic status.
Or, does "Hill-billy heroin" imply that hillbilly heroin addicts that cant get their heroin will opt for meth as a second choice? If so, this is not only a misnomer, but also glorifies and places heroin above meth. Heroin and meth are two different drugs with very different effects. Either way, this suggests that hillbilly meth addicts are really heroin addicts...which is obviously false. Heroin/ Meth users and their drugs can be found amongst hillbillies, just as they are in the inner city, in the suburbs, in office buildings, around the corner, at schools, in Churchs, in jails, amongst white collar professionals tucked in their briefcases, in your wife's purse, on the neighbors' kitchen counter, in your pocket.
I dont see why hillbillies, just cuz they live in remote areas, in the backwoods of the U.S., in beautiful nature, away from this concrete jungle, need to be labeled in such a negative way.
Sorry, for my little rant...I have plenty of 'hillbilly' friends and needed to speak up for them. They are all intelligent peeps, just like you and me, and have all the strengths, weaknesses, flaws, and vices like any other human. -
- Replied by
- toodleedoo
- at Jul 11, 10, 04:48:48 PM
- Sr. Member 452
- last active 4 years ago
Ish- Hillbilly heroin is a term we use sometimes for what poor people- like my parents by their own hand of course- would use because it was more readily available and cheaper. and more dangerous. It's just a term to mean it's not the pure stuff, it's a knock off sort of. This is just a friendly way of explaining it. I know they inhaled and shot up stuff that was literally made in their friends' bathrooms or basements- and their friends were NOT rich if you get my meaning. I heard everything from formaldahyde to dish detergent was used to make some of those concoctions. And it smells awful, sadly I have waited in the car outside of many a meth house for my parents. anyhooo.... I don't think he meant 'hillbilly' as in our more rural friends.
-
- Replied by
- drpsyce38
- at Jul 11, 10, 05:02:07 PM
- Super Hero 1493
- last active 4 years ago
ish......no problem with the rant! Ranting is in good company here! Keep in mind, I heard the term "Hill-billy heroin" when I was on a mission trip in poor, rural Tennessee. The people we worked with who were hooked on that stuff gave us the term, "Hill-billy heroin." Remember, context-context-context. In some contexts the drug of choice is smack-crack-sh..t-weed-etc.
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- Replied by
- ishin
- at Jul 11, 10, 06:59:49 PM
- Super Hero 1240
- last active 6 years ago
ish......no problem with the rant! Ranting is in good company here! Keep in mind, I heard the term "Hill-billy heroin" when I was on a mission trip in poor, rural Tennessee. The people we worked with who were hooked on that stuff gave us the term, "Hill-billy heroin." Remember, context-context-context. In some contexts the drug of choice is smack-crack-sh..t-weed-etc.
Yes, context-context-context (maybe a couple more 'contexts' would help me remember)
So please clarify for me, cuz I'm missing the point.
In this context: "Hill-billy heroin is bad stuff." What does "Hill-billy heroin" suppose to mean? Whats the association between hillbillies, heroin, and/ or meth? And what does it imply or suggest about hillbillies? And because I don't know the answers to these questions, I fail to see the why you needed to use "Hill-billy or "heroin" at all when talking about meth in the context of your post.
The people we worked with who were hooked on that stuff gave us the term, "Hill-billy heroin."
How does anyone give away a term? Just because you heard this term used with people you worked with doesn't justify the use of it. Take ownership and responsibility of what comes out your mouth.
My point is: it aint cool to be spittin phrases that generalize and stereotype a certain group, especially if its not true...its disparaging.
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