Adjusting to Him or Her

What are some things you've had to adjust to when you live with someone?

I think for me, bed time has required the most adjustment.
I thought I snored like a freight train....WOW! He surpasses any sound I could ever make. These sounds are just non human. I'm learning to tune it out. He needs TV to sleep. Not me.

I read once that germs and residue can come flying out of the toilet when it's flushed. I have not kept my toothbrush out in the open ever since. He DOES! OMG mine goes in the make up bag far far away! I explained this to him and he believes that I am nuts. Me? He's the nutty one. If we tested his toothbrush, God knows what we'd find. Don't get me wrong, I know there's bacteria etc.I just don't want it coming from the contents of the toilet bowl.

Oh and I found a finger nail in the bed. Oh my!

aw froggy don't get me started.  I'll just say don't sweat the small stuff.  Sounds like you are having a wonderful time, actually!

Froggy... in time you will become immune to each other, as far as his snoring, maybe try something from the department or pharmacy store that can help that, men will mostly bend to your way of things it just takes time, BUT there are a few things they just won't or i'll just say "forget to do" on purpose, show your concerns, discussing differences in loving ways really helps.. remember you were both living single before this, adjustments will take place, meantime... hang in there lol

man I Iucked out, mine makes zero noise, falls asleep in 2 seconds and lets me take all the covers and 9/10ths of the bed

Mine falls asleep after supper...I guess the way to a man's heart IS thru his stomach and when he says why didn't ya wake me,well babe I.. ah,ah,ah.. well um..I like to watch ya sleep but really after a nap he's ready to come out and play!!! Seriously tho froggy just give it some time and looks for the good stuff and try to ignore the little things.It'll work itself out!!

youre lucky, mine uses MY toothbrush when he cant find his

he steals socks, my undies, deoderant and razors...persoanlly, i prefer to have my own

lips, ya, I know this sounds crass...but well, he can always say 'hey, youve had worse in your mouth than a shared toothbrush
hmm, point

Two words: ACCEPTANCE THERAPY!!!

The quest to change the other partner not only doesn't work (a majority of the time) but to attempt to do so becomes messy.  The basics of who we are just don't change that much.

well, there's CHANGE and there's COMPROMISE for harmony ;

if everyone were like me, id be truly bored
as for lovers, well, to get along with them perfectly, theyd be my buddy; i have those for commonalities; i like the quirks in my partners
we always say we complement one another; what he's smart in, i'm retarded in, and vice versa

I wouldn't change him for anything although I do look at him like an alien when he eats left over pasta with hot sauce for breakfast and I have toast.

I agree whole heartedly that quirks help to maintain that spark. Opposites do attract.

Let me give a brief psychological interpretation here.

First, we give off "signals" in attracting a friend. These signals were constructed from our formation in our families of origin and how we are basically "wired."  Yes, yes, yes...there is a magical/romantic component; however, never underestimate how we are psychologically put-together is a HUGE factor in who we attract.  We don't "get who we deserve"  (Though often we do!) rather, we get who we are wired to attract.

Also, always remember, people MIGHT adjust routines and a few habits.  (Yes, men can learn to put the toilet seat up!)  But, to try to significantly change who someone fundamentally IS can be a messy, frustrating business.  Nagging someone into changing hardly ever works.  And nagging someone who has chronic bad behavior or addiction runs the high risk of them engaging more deeply into the bad behavior.  (In other words, PLENTY of drunks found  in the gutter had just been nagged the night before by their spouse to stop drinking.  Plently of people who drive home from Vegas broke and the credit cards maxed out were naggged by a spouse to stop gambling.)

1.  Pick a generally healthy spouse TO BEGIN WITH.  2.  Accecptance therapy.  Rejoice in your partners differences! 

Hey Doc, is the answer to all questions in therapy? I understand,, being its your "professional deformation" , you are pro therapy. But to me its just a waste of money.

Maybe its a cultural thing, but here we do not have the habit of going to shrink  for every little thing. I agree there is a financial aspect too ( being that our living standard cant compare to US ), but we are raised to solve problems on our own and the true shrinks  here are our friends and families that we share those problems with.

Maybe Im generalizing now, but to me it seems that in US is common thing to have your own psychiatrist.

Let me ask you this. Why would you get charged $100/hour, for one therapy meeting, when you can spend $10 on beers with your friends and get the same or even better advice from them? They know you better after all.

Why become a prozac nation when you can have a good ole drinking problem

cheers
Zuga

I'm not disputing therapy could be helpful to some, especially in some more serious cases, where the professional help is required. But that goes only to small percentage IMO.

I do believe that for the average person, whether its American or Serbian, therapy is not a solution. I think we all can deal with our problems without seeking for professional help.

cheers
Zuga

persoannly, it's why I have lovers and friends; bitch to the lover about friend and vice versa, as well, as seeking advice from one for the other and balancing it out with my own opinionns and insight

Zuga....well, first of all, I used to charge $300 an hour, not $100

And, I would have to agree with you.  There are lots of people in therapy who should quit therapy, get outside, get some friends, and yes "have a beer." 

However, there are lots of people who are having a beer who need therapy.

Right now in the USA in the city of Tucson has been ravaged by a man who probably should have been in therapy along the way.  And.....there are lots of victimized people who probably should get some measure of help.

In my years of doing counseling (remember, I don't do it anymore.)  I have found therapy on works to the degree people are willing to make changes.  I used to be amazed at people, or famlies, who would come to see me for months or years with some sort of malfunctioning "issue."  In therapy I would lead them to many "ah-ha" type moments; yet they stayed stuck in their malfunctioning because they ultimately would not make changes.

Hey Doc, now your talkin about serious stuff here. In your past sessions, your advocating, (incourageing people to change)? This type of counseling is only for the people, outside of the law. (ex. drug, alcohol, sex, etc.).
For people with issues, that are inside the law compromise, and only compromise, is the remedy. Unless I've been totally out in right field for years, and the industry, has done a 180 degree turn.
I think it's safe to say, in general people are aware of the terrible rate of success, change therapy has, when applied to us human individuals.
Zuga, your thoughts on the issue are 100% correct. AS I mentioned above, the serious issues need to be dealt with on that level, ( change therapy, would be comparable to shock therapy). Daily issues, where people break down, or feel they need therapy, ( ex. I'm having a terrible day beause my car didn't start this morning) simply put, these are Co- dependent issues. As humans, we can work through these, not all of us, but the majority can. For an individual, believeing they need therapy for their daily issues, all their doing is switching their Co.
Any good professional will imediately see this, and encourage the individual to basically get a grip, and deal with it, ( this occurs quickly, after only a few visits). Some people need to be taught tricks to believe in themselves, and apply these tricks, to the decisions they make in life, to succeed in a proper way.
Man, now I'm starting to pick apart this topic. Probably went to far. I gotta say this, Doc, maybe I miss-understood your last post. I stand corrected if I did . If I didn't, could you please be a bit more specific?
                                      Rico

Rico...well worded!

I was basically responding to Zuga's statement "to me its just a waste of money."

Yes, at times it sure IS a waste of money.  (But, when I was a psychologist if someone wanted to pay me $300 to tell me lies, exhibit denial, or try to convince me they are well adjusted....well....why not???!!!!)

But, there are people who benefit from therapy:  People going through divorce, job loss, victims of violent crime, children who have been molested, etc.  Even on this site people have stated regarding their gambling they are at a point they "need to get some help."  Contrary to Zuga's respectable experience, therapy is more than getting "advice."  In fact, no theraputic discipline understands itselfself as advice-giving.  Additionally, while getting a "beer with your friends" may really be preferable (Works, for me!), with many it would be insufficient.

I am thankful for this good forum where ideas are freely exchanged.  Cheers!