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Last post ago over 4 years by dione
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        Sr. Member
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      Lips, tell me if this is ok?
      OK, here we go, This is about a down an out salesman, whos lost, and comes across a farmer, with a daughter, way out in the middle of nowhere. The salesman is hungary, tired, just miserable, with no sales. He explains his situation to the farmer, and the farmer invites him into his farm house, for a nice hot meal, which his daughter prepares.
      The salesman is of course extremely gratefull for the good meal, and tells the farmer, boy if I could only get a good nights rest, I'd feel like a million dollars tomorrow, and I know my sales would get going again. The farmer goes, why sure. Heres what we do, this is only a 2 bedroom farm house, I sleep in one room, and my daughter, sleeps in the other. So you'll have to sleep with my daughter. The salesman stops to think, ( he's going to let me sleep with his daughter?) The farmer continues, I realize your going to want to have your way with her, and thats ok, just don't mention the names of any animals. the salesman, can hardly believe what he's hearing. The salesman, of course agrees, and says to himself, don't mention the names of any animals.
      So it's getting near bed-time, the farmer goes to his room, and the salesman and daughter go to theres. The daughter strips down, and the salesman takes his close off too. The daughter then points at the salesmans crotch, and goes, whats that. the salesman goes, whats what. The daughter goes that, the thing between your legs. the salesman, ( forgetting about
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      not nameing any animals) says thats my Duck. Theres a couple minutes of silence, and then you here the salesman screaming and running out of the house, (HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA). The farmer comes running into his daughters bedroom, and asked what happened, the daughter tells the father what happened, that the salesman told her, the thing between his legs was a Duck, the farmer goes, oh no, what did you do, the daughter goes, well I smashed it's eggs, and buned it's nest
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        Mighty! Member
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      OK, this well known DJ was out at a county fair and met this very impressionable listener who said she's like to get to know him better. So, he takes her to a secluded area, drops his pants and says (Pointing to his equipment) "Know what that is?" He says. "Sure do" the girl replies. "Then get started" The Dj says. Girl drops to her knees and takes him in her hand and then says "I'd like to let all my friends out in the group I'm on the radio!"
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        Super Hero
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      President Obama walks onto the White House lawn on a snowy winter morning....fresh snow has fallen during the night.  As he strolls along he is shocked to see written with URINE in the snow "Joe Biden For President 2012."

      Boiling mad, Obama immediate calls the Secret Service to launch an all-out investigation.

      After a few days, the head of the Secret Service calls in the President and asks him to have a seat.  "Mr. President, we have finished the investigation."  "Very good" says Obama, "what did you discover?"  "Sir, I am afraid I have bad news.  The urine IS that of Joe Biden's, but the news gets worse."

      "What could be worse?!?" Obama replies.  "Well, says the head of the Secret Service, while it IS Joe's urine, the really bad news is it's Michelle's hand writing!"
    • Putting on lipstick emoticon 1
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        admin
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      Too too funny!!! Rico it is just fine! Clean yet adult. You gave me a good giggle!! Ya'll did.

      Lips
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      Thanks for this post from:

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      John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

      After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

      "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

      "Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

      "He's a jerk," John said. "Pee on him."

      "You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

      "Well, screw him!" said John.

      "I did. You're back at work on Monday.


      Lips
    • Thsuper31
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        Mighty! Member
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      Survival tip

      What do you do when you come across a bear?

      You apologize and wipe it off
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        Hero Member
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      Thanks for this post from:

      • Putting on lipstick emoticon 1
      lipstick_xoxos wrote:

      John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

      After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

      "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

      "Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

      "He's a jerk," John said. "Pee on him."

      "You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

      "Well, screw him!" said John.

      "I did. You're back at work on Monday.


      Lips




      LUV THIS!!!!!!  
    • Putting on lipstick emoticon 1
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      dtsweet wrote:

      Survival tip

      What do you do when you come across a bear?

      You apologize and wipe it off


      Ok now i am settin myself up here! Maybe chilly will agree with me on this one......but i don't get it!!!
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      lipstick_xoxos wrote:

      dtsweet wrote:

      Survival tip

      What do you do when you come across a bear?

      You apologize and wipe it off


      Ok now i am settin myself up here! Maybe chilly will agree with me on this one......but i don't get it!!!



      Ummm..... I didn't get it myself @ first...... ummm...let's see here...how 2 put this.........er..... ahem... emphasize the 7th word .......
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      dtsweet wrote:

      Survival tip

      What do you do when you come across a bear?

      You apologize and wipe it off


      Huh?...hmmm...trying to figure out why it is supposed to be funny...

      And,Lips...that was a real good one...I laughed.
      What a smart woman!!!
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      Okay,here is one.

      The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

      "Of course, my son," said the priest.

      "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

      "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

      "It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

      "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

      "Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

      "Of course, my son," said the priest.

      The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"
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      Tinmanfan wrote:

      lipstick_xoxos wrote:

      dtsweet wrote:

      Survival tip

      What do you do when you come across a bear?

      You apologize and wipe it off


      Ok now i am settin myself up here! Maybe chilly will agree with me on this one......but i don't get it!!!


      Ummm..... I didn't get it myself @ first...... ummm...let's see here...how 2 put this.........er..... ahem... emphasize the 7th word .......


      Tinmanfan, I can't believe they didn't get it........HAHAHAHA! That is too funny!!! Even more funny than the joke was.
    • Avatar 21340
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      luvkittynumber1 wrote:

      Tinmanfan wrote:

      lipstick_xoxos wrote:

      [quote author=dtsweet link=topic=14392.msg133860#msg133860 date=1288165658]
      Survival tip

      What do you do when you come across a bear?

      You apologize and wipe it off


      Ok now i am settin myself up here! Maybe chilly will agree with me on this one......but i don't get it!!!


      Ummm..... I didn't get it myself @ first...... ummm...let's see here...how 2 put this.........er..... ahem... emphasize the 7th word .......


      Tinmanfan, I can't believe they didn't get it........HAHAHAHA! That is too funny!!! Even more funny than the joke was.
      [/quote
      luvkitty. I can only imagine, (with udder delight) how you must treat your men, you naughty, naughty young lady.
      What do you do to them? take them out of a closet, beat em with a straw broom, or whatever might be available, ( u know, get the cob webs off em), then use them and abuse em, untill there nothing but a limp wet noodle, then throw them back in the closet, until your ready for them again?
      I grieve, ( only for a second), then I get goose bumps going up an down my spine, thinking of what you must be like.
      Keep the informative posts cumin. Oh sorry, comeing. I can't think straight.

                                Rico
    • Putting on lipstick emoticon 1
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      Thanks for this post from:

      • Index


      Ummm..... I didn't get it myself @ first...... ummm...let's see here...how 2 put this.........er..... ahem... emphasize the 7th word .......

      Ah i think i get it now......lmaoooo!! Thanks for telling me so eloquently!

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