adult jokes

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Last post ago over 4 years by dione
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    • No avatar normal
      • Started by
        Super Hero
        1621
      • last active about 1 month ago
      The Job Interview--a true story

      I was interviewing with a prospective employer about their overnight night audit position at a hotel.  He was explaning the job description, etc and then he asked what would co-workers say I'm known for.  "My jokes" I replied.  "Oh, he said, give me one..."  Alright here goes.  "A man was interviewing for a job and going over the job description..pays 6/hour and after 9 months will pay 9/hour....finally the applicant said "Tell you what sir, I'll leave now and come back in 9 months for the 9/hour rate...haha isn't that funny?"

      The prospective employer said "Hmmm, you were doing so well up to this point.  You really didn't need the joke..."

      Needless to say I never heard from him again.  


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      • last active about 2 months ago

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      Ugh,Joseph...

      That's not a funny but a sad one. :'(
      I am sorry that the guy didn't take the joke as it was suppose to be taken, as merely trying to lightening the mood and all.
      Sometimes, people really don't know how to digest jokes.

      Wish you have a better chance in the future. :'X
    • No avatar normal
      • Replied by
        Super Hero
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      • last active about 1 month ago
      The "Group Hug Guys"--A true story

      It was 21 years ago when I just started attending college and moved away from my parents.  Not knowing my way around a new city I struck up a conversation with a local who invited me to his church.  Seemed innocent enough so I went.  Turns out the guy had five male roomates that had a 'tradition'--The Group Hug.  Anytime when one felt down he could always count on his roomies for this particular activity.  At the time he introduced me to his friends they insisted I take part.  "Ok..guys...Group Hug..." the guys would drop everything and run to one another and hug everone with a tight squeeze "Mmmm"...I wasn't sure, but I went along with...ok, that's done, whew.  Five minutes later, another guy was feeling down and needed his hugs.  Reluctantly I gave the fellows another hug.  I asked the guy I struck up the conversation with at first "Do you have a girlfriend?"..."No, he replied, but I'm working on it----Group Hug Guys?"  as they embraced again.  As quickly as I could, I finally managed to get home, exhausted and grateful...

    • Avatar 21340
      • Replied by
        Sr. Member
        279
      • last active 7 months ago
      Yup, you need to make a new thread, with your experiences. Cause they don't belong here!
    • No avatar normal
      • Replied by
        Super Hero
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      • last active about 1 month ago
      Talk to Lips, Rico
    • Putting on lipstick emoticon 1
      • Replied by
        admin
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      • last active 3 hrs ago
      Butt Measurements

      A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

      With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.

      "Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"
      The woman chose to ignore her husband.

      Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky.
      He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. ..............

      She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?
    • Nirvana
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      • last active 25 days ago

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      How does a man know when he has reached the age of being a full blown adult and can no longer blame poor decisions on "growing up"?

      After he's been seriously hurt by accidentally sitting on his own balls...

      Funny to some,
      painful to others
      and unfortunately true.
    • No avatar normal
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        Sr. Member
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      • last active 3 months ago
      A man walks up to the bartender and says, "I bet you $100 dollars that I can stand on your bar and leak into a jar without spilling a drop."
      The bartender laughs and tells him that is it such an impossible bet, he'll take it. So the man stands up on the bar, and cheering to his friends in the back, begins to leak.
      He not only misses the jar, but doesn't even get a single drop in. He pisses all over the bar and floor and over the bartender. When he is done the bartender is still laughing and asks the man to give him the hundred bucks. The man hands over the money and smiles at the bartender.
      The bartender asks him what is so funny when he just obviously lost so badly. The man replies, " I just bet my friends $1000 that I could leak all over you and your bar and not only would you not mind, but you would find it hilariously funny!".
    • Cat press ups
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        Super Hero
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      What's the difference between Monica Lewinski & a vending machine???

      In a vending machine, the BILL goes in FACE UP!
    • Cat press ups
      • Replied by
        Super Hero
        1387
      • last active 14 days ago
      EEEK! Tough crowd out there.......I guess nobody thought that joke was as funny as I did.

      lipstick_xoxos wrote:

      Butt Measurements

      A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

      With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.

      "Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"
      The woman chose to ignore her husband.

      Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky.
      He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. ..............

      She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?



      LOL Lips! I just noticed that the last joke u posted was the exact same 1 that I posted a few pages ago, but u told it much better than I did.
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      • last active about 2 months ago
      A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
      The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
      'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

      'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies.

      'Put them back, we can't afford them demands the wife, and so they carry on
      shopping.
      A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and
      puts it in the basket.

      What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

      'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

      Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'
    • Archnye
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      Thanks for this post from:

      • 2d4818989f1ca7ccfaccc9b2527a6916
      A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger boobs'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your boobs for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make them bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
      'Well it worked for your a$$' says the boyfriend.
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      • Replied by
        admin
        20451
      • last active 4 hrs ago
      LMAO   Brilliant
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      • Replied by
        Superstar Member
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      • last active about 2 months ago
      Hah ha ha...what a smart a$$ 
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      • last active 7 months ago
      what do u see when the pillsbury doughboy bends over? Ans: "Doughnuts!"

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