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    ricorizzo

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        Imagin.ation

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        Use Your Imagination
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        LMFAO @ These jokes.. ahahha.. okay here's one.. and LMAO some more, i didn't get it either until i emphasized..

        A father and son were on a walk and saw 2 dogs doin' it.. the son asks "Father what are they doing?" The Father a little embaressed but quickly answers "they are making puppies".. Later that week, the son walks in on his father and mother in the bedroom, the son asks" Father what are you doing?" the father embaressed again answers quickly, "we're making babies".. the son brightly and quickly answers back.. "well turn her over, i want puppies!!!"
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        wnanhee

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        lipstick_xoxos wrote:



        Ummm..... I didn't get it myself @ first...... ummm...let's see here...how 2 put this.........er..... ahem... emphasize the 7th word .......

        Ah i think i get it now......lmaoooo!! Thanks for telling me so eloquently!


        A ya ya ya...

        I still don't get it...
        I even tried to emphasize the 7th word but have no clue...
        Guess I am just gonna move on...
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        ricorizzo

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        ok, nan,........the seventh word is come, ( as in sexual explosion, right?) so you have a sexual explosion on a big ol bear. theres about 1 of 3 things that can happen.1) He's gonna gobble you up, 2) your gonna run like hell, 3) you can say excuse me, and wipe it up. 
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        Lipstick

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        Oh nan you are too precious! Imagin that is too damn cute!!! You guys are killin me!
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        ricorizzo

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        If I may, heres a triology of jokes, about one, Dirty Ernie.
        You'll have to let me know if u want to here the other 2.
        OK here's the setting, 1920's, times we're still good, no great depression yet, things we're simple, but kids we're still kids. Dirty Ernie, comes from a jilted family, the fathers a drunk, the mother has to work 2 jobs, so they have a roof over there head, an keep food on the table. At school, (Ernie of course picking up all the bad habits at home) swears at the the little kids he goes to school with, makes them cry, cusses out the teachers, and just makes everyone miserable. he always has to stand at the end of the girls line, as they march into the classroom, or off to the cafeteria, for lunch.
        The faculty, and administration have attempted to call his parents, with no luck. They receive more of the fowl language and threats from the parents, basically it's a no win situation. He has to be seated at the back of the classroom, so the rest of the kids, might have a chance to learn something, even with Ernie always complaining, swearing, etc.
        So on a uneventful morning so far, the teacher is at the head of the class attempting to teach some type of lesson to the kids, Ernie's at the back of the class, pulling little girls hair, swearing, not paying attention to the teacher, looking out the classroom window, when an abandoned dog, attempts to cross the street. Well unfortunately, an old model A comes chugging down the road, and hits the dog. The cars of that time, had those hand cranks, to get started.
        Dirty Ernie starts jumping up and down, in the back of the classroom, waving his hand. TEACHER, TEACHER, he's yelling. The teacher thinks for a moment, what does this child want now.
        She goes, yes Dirty Ernie, what is it?
        Ernie answers, teacher a dog just ran out in the middle of the road, a car hit the dog, and the crank of the car went right up the dogs asshole. The teacher replies, Dirty Ernie, you don't say asshole, you say rectum.
        Dirty Ernie goes, rectum, HELL IT KILLED HIM
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        wnanhee wrote:

        lipstick_xoxos wrote:



        Ummm..... I didn't get it myself @ first...... ummm...let's see here...how 2 put this.........er..... ahem... emphasize the 7th word .......

        Ah i think i get it now......lmaoooo!! Thanks for telling me so eloquently!


        A ya ya ya...

        I still don't get it...
        I even tried to emphasize the 7th word but have no clue...
        Guess I am just gonna move on...



        U r just 2 damn funny   You're killin' me here!!!!
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        Tinmanfan

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        I gotta say this is one of the BEST DAMN ideas anyone has come up with 4 a topic!!!!!!!       
      • Pi

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        I'm with ya Tinmanfan. These are awesome!
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        ricorizzo

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        well I didn't get any nah's, on the first Dirty Ernie, and I have time to type, so heres the second installment, of the pathetic prankster.
        OK Dirty Ernie has been sent back to the first grade, and we all know why. Uncontrollable outbursts, not attempting to do any of the assignments, behavior unbecoming a child of his youth, etc. Faculty and administration, are looseing sleep at night, trying to figure out, what to do with this child.
        So again on an uneventful morning so far, the teacher marches the kids into the classroom, Ernie's at the end of the girls line, pulling little girls poney tails, cussing at the little boys and girls, makeing them cry, while the teacher is attempting to get the class, in some sort of order.
        After everyone is in, an seated, the teacher goes, ok kids, today we're going to learn all about the different types of meat we eat. Heres how it works. You can see the little blind folds I put out on your desks, you put those on, and I'll pass around different types of meat, you taste the samples I pass out, and if you think you know what type of meat it is, raise your hands, and you can guess. If your answer is wrong, I keep calling a student, untill we get the correct answer.
        Dirty Ernie's in the back of the classroom, laughing an careing on, saying, shit, at least I'll get a free meal, out of this.
        So the teacher passes out chicken first, well that was pretty easy, little Lisa raises her hand and guessed that right away. Thats very good Lisa the teacher replies, Dirty Ernie's going not so fast, as he hasn't finished his sample, and the 3 samples, he took from 3 other kids, makeing them cry.
        So the next sample was stake, and that was also pretty easy. Bobby, answered that right away.
        So the lesson is going along pretty good, the kids are learning about there meats, Dirty Ernie, is makeing a glutten of himself, stealing other kids samples, and filling up on food. But otherwise, not to loud.
        So the teacher says to herself, I'm going to try and fool the kids, so she passes out venassin, deer meat. she goes, ok kids, can anyone guess what this is, Well it's obvious, that not to many kids are going to know what deer meat is. Dirty Ernie's in the back of the classroom, with his mouth full, chompin away, (mmmm). and none of the kids could answer. So the teacher gives out a clue. What does your mother call your father, everyday when they come home from work, ( as in, high dear). Dirty Ernie thinks for a moment, with his mouth full, what does my father call my mother, when they see each other in the afternoon, after work? He spits out his food, in the middle of the classroom, and hollars, SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, SHE FED US AN ASSHOLE
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        luvkittynumber1

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        Get in, get out....Nobody gets hurt!!!
        Meow-mix, meow-mix please de-liv-er!!!
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        Ok, it has come down to this huh? I have finally resorted to posting a dirty joke due to the almost nonexistant NDBs. Well ricorizzo, u said u were anticipating a reply from me on this particular thread, so...............here u go.

        THERE'S A HORSE & A CHICKEN WALKING ACROSS A FIELD. ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE HORSE FALLS IN A BIG HOLE. HE SAYS TO THE CHICKEN "GO FETCH THE FARMER!" SO THE CHICKEN GOES TO THE FARM, BUT THE FARMERS NOT ANYWHERE AROUND, BUT NOTICES HIS BMW IS. SO HE JUMPS INTO THE FARMERS BMW, DRIVES IT TO THE HOLE, TIES A ROPE TO THE BUMPER & PULLS THE HORSE TO SAFETY. THE NEXT DAY THEY ARE WALKING ACROSS THE FIELD AGAIN & THIS TIME THE CHICKEN FALLS INTO THE HOLE. HE SHOUTS "GO FETCH THE FARMER!", BUT THE HORSE SAYS "HOLD ON A MINUTE, I THINK I CAN REACH U. GRAB AHOLD OF MY D*CK!" THE CHICKEN GRABS HIS D*CK & THE HORSE PULLS HIM TO SAFETY.

        WHATS THE MORAL OF THE STORY!?!?!
        IF YOU'RE HUNG LIKE A HORSE, YOU DON"T NEED A BMW TO PICK UP CHICKS.

        LOVE THAT JOKE! HEHEHE
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        ricorizzo

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        ah luvkitty, thats a good one, keep em cumin. Oh sorry, comeing. lol
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        Lipstick

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        On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung!”

        I took a drink from my bottle of beer, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied, “I am. That’s why she cuts the grass.”


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        luvkittynumber1

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        Get in, get out....Nobody gets hurt!!!
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        GOOD 1 lips!
      • Pi

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        What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
        A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

        This list was never ending but here's a few funnies:

        HOW THEY HAVE SEX

        ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.
        ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.
        BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.
        BAKERS knead it daily.
        CARPENTERS hammer it harder.
        COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.
        DENTISTS do it in your mouth.
        DIETICIANS eat better.
        FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.
        GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.
        TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.


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        I must be hungry cuz I'm fishin' chips!
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        An elderly nun was sitting with another elderly nun on a park bench reading books
        A flasher came by and opened his coat
        The poor old nun had a stroke
        Her friend would have too but she couldnt reach

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