Best funny insults poll

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    Last post ago over 3 years by Lootva
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      • Flapjack
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        Britons have spoken. Here's the complete top ten of the best insults of all-time:

        1) Winston Churchill (when berated for being drunk by MP Bessie Braddock): 'My dear, you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober, and you will still be ugly.

        2) Barack Obama (After Sarah Palin's quip that the only difference between a pitbull and a soccer mom is lipstick): 'You can put lipstick on a pig...it's still a pig.'

        3) Liberace (In response to a negative review from a critic): ' Thank you for your very amusing review. After reading it...I laughed all the way to the bank.'

        4) Noel Gallagher (speaking about Robbie Williams): 'You mean that fat dancer from Take That?'

        5) Winston Churchill (After being disturbed while at the toilet by the Lord Privy Seal): 'Tell him I can only deal with one s**t at a time.'

        6) Frank Sinatra (speaking about Robert Redford): 'Well at least he has found his true love - what a pity he can't marry himself.'

        7) Elizabeth Taylor: 'Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.'

        8 ) Groucho Marx: 'She got her good looks from her father, he's a plastic surgeon.'

        9) Bette Midler (speaking about Princess Anne): 'She loves nature, in spite of what it did to her.'

        10) Liam Gallagher (speaking about Victoria Beckham): 'She can't even chew gum and walk in a straight line, let alone write a book.'

        LOL

        What do you think, any suggestions?
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        That Winston Churchill one is superb.
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        #5 and #10 are hilarious
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        Haha they are all awesome, I gotta give it Churchill, topping the charts twice! 
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        Sir Churchill is the best, by far! And he was a great leader as well
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        I love all the tongue and cheek sarcasm and it's really tough to pick just one.

        Here is another one of my favorites quoted by Dorothy Parker, US Poet in the 1800's.

        "She speaks 18 languages and can't say "NO" in any of them".

        Who she is referring to is still a mystery!

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        I love that old drunk Churchill!
        Wondering if any of you read the famous Devil's Dictionary?
        Here are just some of the quotes:

        “Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
        “Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.”
        “Patience – A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.”
        “PRAY, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.”
        “Ocean: A body of water occupying two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”
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        Ouch, those are pretty depressing...my dreams of what everlasting love have been crushed. 
      • Flapjack
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        Lootva wrote:

        Wondering if any of you read the famous Devil's Dictionary?


        Great book indeed.

        These are only a few that I wrote down while I was reading the book.

        FUTURE, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

        CONGRATULATION, n. The civility of envy.

        CYNIC, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.

        PATIENCE, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
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        fried-eggs wrote:

        Ouch, those are pretty depressing...my dreams of what everlasting love have been crushed. 

        Well, yeah, Ambrose Bierce was kind of a misantrop, and although I don't agree with most of his definition, some of them are right on spot!

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        It's obviously apparant he is a true hater of all mankind with the statements he makes! Although I have to admit his future definition is pretty accurate.
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        He is pretty consistent at his statements, and I appreciate that. However, most of the things are really depicted just awesomely... I can read the dictionary any time!

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