Chili Cook-Off - ROFL

Feel free to talk about anything and everything in this board.
Headline back 2
    2,265
    views
    8
    replies

    Currently viewed by

    0
    members
    0
    guests
    Last post ago almost 5 years by kattboots
      9s1jj83

      kattboots

        Mighty! Member
      • female
      • offline
      • 1673
        thanks given
      • 1103
        thanks received
      • Started by
        Mighty! Member
        2,814
      • last active about 2 months ago

      Readers of this topic also read:

      Posting to the forums is only allowed for members with active accounts

      Please or register to post.
        • 9s1jj83

          kattboots

            Mighty! Member
          • female
          • offline
          • 1673
            thanks given
          • 1103
            thanks received
          • Started by
            Mighty! Member
            2,814
          • last active about 2 months ago

          Thanks for this post from:

          • Index
          • 2d4818989f1ca7ccfaccc9b2527a6916
          • Putting on lipstick emoticon 1
          • No avatar small
          New Mexico Chili Cook off

          If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico .

          For those of you who have lived in New Mexico , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chile taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , Illinois.

          Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3.'

          Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

          CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

          Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick..
          Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
          Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

          CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

          Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
          Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
          Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

          CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

          Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
          Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
          Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite . Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.

          CHILI # 4 -- BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

          Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
          Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
          Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb.. Woman is starting to look HOT ... Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

          CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

          Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
          Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
          Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

          CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

          Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
          Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
          Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

          CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

          Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
          Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
          Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

          CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

          Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili.. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
          Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
          Judge # 3 -- No report.


          katt
        • Avatar 10150

          genenco

            Mighty! Member
          • male
          • offline
          "Today, most of the good people are afraid to be good. They strive to be broadminded and tolerant. It is fashionable to be tolerant but mostly tolerant of evil and this new code has reached the proportions of demanding intolerance of good."
          Just trotting along
          • 273
            thanks given
          • 684
            thanks received
          • Replied by
            Mighty! Member
            3,010
          • last active about 2 months ago

          Thanks for this post from:

          • 9s1jj83
          Tears rolling down cheeks....Oh God....LOL
        • Index

          blueday

          • admin
          • online
            • 17650
              thanks given
            • 9675
              thanks received
            • Replied by
            • admin19,744
            • online

            Thanks for this post from:

            • 9s1jj83
            Absolutely brilliant Katt.  Made me howl. 

            What a great start to a Monday morning.

            blue
          • 2d4818989f1ca7ccfaccc9b2527a6916

            Johnny Karp

              admin
            • male
            • offline

            "Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game." -- Michael Jordan

            • 6415
              thanks given
            • 2316
              thanks received
            • Replied by
              admin
              3,656
            • last active 18 hrs ago
            Hilarious, thanks a bunch!
          • Index

            bingocrazy48

              Mighty! Member
            • female
            • offline
            • 787
              thanks given
            • 1456
              thanks received
            • Replied by
              Mighty! Member
              2,673
            • last active about 2 months ago
            Katt,thank you this is hilarious....just what I needed!! I had to go into my sons bathroom at the hospital and turn on the shower cuz I was lmafo and didn't want the nurses to think I had finally lost it
          • Putting on lipstick emoticon 1

            Lipstick

              admin
            • female
            • offline
            • 6865
              thanks given
            • 9986
              thanks received
            • Replied by
              admin
              12,275
            • last active 14 min ago
            He he he loved em all! Hey btw got any recipes to go with them!!

            Lips
          • No avatar normal

            Imagin.ation

              Mighty! Member
            • female
            • offline
            Use Your Imagination
            Crazical Imaginical
            • 1789
              thanks given
            • 1200
              thanks received
            • Replied by
              Mighty! Member
              4,841
            • last active about 2 months ago
            I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone

                 

            ..lmao i can't breathe...

          • 9s1jj83

            kattboots

              Mighty! Member
            • female
            • offline
            • 1673
              thanks given
            • 1103
              thanks received
            • Replied by
              Mighty! Member
              2,814
            • last active about 2 months ago
            lipstick_xoxos wrote:

            He he he loved em all! Hey btw got any recipes to go with them!!

            Lips




            Recipes....? Recipes...? RECIPES...?  Lips those would be ummmmm kitchen related? I am not usually allowed to go in there...  8'|
            LOL

            katt

          Live activity feed

          • Panda kiss
            "Welcome to the best forum online! Thanks for being here to assist our wonderful members."
            READ
            Started by
            Newbie
            Banking icon 1
          • Win 20160723 022535
            $/£/€360
            Sign Up Bonus
            READ
            Omni cas

            Omni Casino

            4.5
            / 441 votes
          • Panda kiss
            " Kais ben rachid wrote: Is it a new contest for this month? i m waiting for it :p  We are chatting with the rep and seeing if we can restart this contest for you guys."
            READ
          • 58d35d6d21db6ddf7c2bc29695b15c60d56c261b full
            " mfayyaz wrote: For real, we have no idea which casino you are on about but I'll take a random guess and say it's a RTG casino which I would advise all gamblers to stay clear of. RTG are the best for me they paid me 300$ without depositing a cent. But you have to deposit after this if you still want to withdraw from a free bonus."
            READ
            Started by
            Newbie
            Banking icon 2
          • 58d35d6d21db6ddf7c2bc29695b15c60d56c261b full
            " LimoPlay wrote: Hey guys! Long time no see! We've decided to start our Special LCB Contest again! Each week you will be able to win 20 Freespins by simply answering questions posted by me, Alexander, in the thread. So, today's question is: What do you think of the new Motörhead slot by NetEnt? (Did you like it? Why?) All of LCB'ers are welcome to participate, but only 10 luckiest of you will be granted the Freespins. The winners will be chosen randomly tomorrow, so hurry up! LimoPlay Casino Team wishes you good luck and a great day! Is a weekly contest or a daily contest? you said that it s a weekly contest ! i want to take part of it and you already designed the winners with just 24hours after submitting it. So can i still take part of it?"
            READ
          • 58d35d6d21db6ddf7c2bc29695b15c60d56c261b full
            "Is it a new contest for this month? i m waiting for it :p "
            READ
          Swipe left or right to see more

          lcb activities in the last 24 hours

          • 30
            new members
          • 633
            members online
          • 11143
            guests online
          • 114
            new posts
          • 40
            free games played
          Join the club

          Latest forum posts

          • Panda kiss
            Welcome to the best forum online! Thanks for being here to assist our wonderful members.
            Vbet
          • Panda kiss
            Kais ben rachid wrote: Is it a new contest for this month? i m waiting for it :p  We are chatting with the rep and seeing if we can restart this contest for you guys.
            Royal Panda Contest - win free spins every week!
          • mfayyaz wrote: For real, we have no idea which casino you are on about but I'll take a random guess and say it's a RTG casino which I would advise all gamblers to stay clear of. RTG are the best for me they...
            Winnings not Paid

          Most viewed forum posts

          Join today and start earning rewards

          You will immediately get full access to our online casino forum/chat plus receive our newsletter with news & exclusive bonuses every month.
          S logo

          Search

          Search Results

          Select Language

          Report to moderator

          Use this function to inform the moderators and administrator of an abusive or wrongly posted message.

          Please note that your email address will be revealed to the moderators if you use this

          Submit
          39012170