Funniest Groucho Marx sayings

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        This thread is for Chilly who just made me howl with one of Groucho Marx sayings:

        ""Thirteen at a table is unlucky only when the hostess has only twelve chops." – Groucho Marx."

        The one I remember the most is:

        "I don't usually forget faces, but in your case I'll make an exception".

        I would love to hear some more of this hilarious man's one liners so please post them below if you know any (or find any).

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        "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
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        Ok i had to google for this but i thought it was cute..........

        When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said "I was just whispering in her mouth".
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        "A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."

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        These are brilliant.  Thank you.  Keep 'em coming.

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        I've accentuated my favorites from this bunch:

        A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

        Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

        Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

        From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

        Go, and never darken my towels again.

        I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

        I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

        I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

        It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

        Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

        Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

        Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

        My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.

        Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

        She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

        Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

        Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

        Women should be obscene and not heard.

        I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
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        There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.

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