Haunting Ex's..

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    Last post ago over 6 years by toodleedoo
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    Imagin.ation

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        Imagin.ation

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        I have a friend that was with man she was crazy in love with, she went through some things in her life that caused some problems in the relationship, she did what she could to clean it up, straightened herself up, because she did love him, but it ultimately ended in a bad break-up with him bitter towards her. Heart broken she went away with all her apologies and has been trying to move on..

        now here's the problem.. he is on her MSN and she uses her MSN quite often to speak with friends and family, she has removed him but updates on his MSN keep coming through showing his new woman, with sayings like i love you, and blah blah blah, she is happy for him, but hates seeing this stuff in her face, she says it hurts her and makes her feel all funny in her stomache..

        what should she do? or i'll ask what would you do? email anyway?
        I told her she could email him a nice letter asking him to remove her from his updates, but she says shes worried he'd come back with mean and cruel words, or he might think she's jealous or something..
        or not log into her MSN.. theres no way she will do that..

        I myself have had some haunting ex's, like suddenly i'll get alot of calls from ex's or emails or messages just out the blue, and i myself do feel yucky seeing them or finding out they have another woman, not that i'm jealous it's just uncomfortable, and wouldn't dare let them know how i feel, i got my pride.

        Anyone have any stories about haunting ex's or suggestions on how to handle them? Any does anyone know the best way to get over and let go of someone they love?

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        MommyMachine

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        Well first of all, I would close that MSN account and open a new one...I know it's a pain in the ass, but it would get rid of the updates.

        Change her email, if she has too..

        Just my opinion...


        :-*
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        Imagin.ation

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        She won't do that i beleive she's had the email for over 10 years, something like that.. to much connected with it..

        Kiddingly i told her.. why dont you go get a picture of some handsome man and start your statuses with i love you so much baby, just absolutely glorifying this man in the picture, dedicate some songs like he does.. maybe he might get the hint, thats something she never has done lol
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        Lipstick

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        Hi Imagin,

        I think we all have been down this road once or twice. Getting over someone you love is never easy and never a quick fix. Without trying to sound cliche the healer truly is time. It has to be one of the most painful things to go through next to death. Well in reality it is like a death.

        She needs to change her messenger so she doesn't have to see updates and messages from another chick. I wonder though if she is really ready to do that. As crazy as it sounds when you lose someone you love you will take any little part of them you can no matter how small or painful it may be.

        It sounds like this is the only connection to him she has left. She probably doesn't need any advice at all. Her heart knows what she needs to do.......she just in ready to do it yet. To completely cut him off like this will slam the door shut completely. That is never easy to do.

        My best advice to her is to say when she is ready and healed she will know what to do. I hope she can move on soon or find someone else in her life to replace him without rebounding. Rebound relationships never work......it only covers up the heartache.

        Keep us update imagin and let her know she is just frozen in time. When the time is right she will know exactly what to do.

        Lips
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        Imagin.ation

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        Everything you say there is all so correct, i know i have been through it, you'd almost dream and pray for someone to replace that love, anything to forget, any price you'd pay to free your mind of the torment, but only finding it be just a fantasy.. so i agree it is something only time can render.. and i am very sympathetic and tender with her about it, it is very painful losing someone you love, i too beleive she is not ready to let go of that piece of him she views even though it is painful, she doesn't want to slam the door.. she does have tiny hopes of him coming back.

        I just wish there was an easier way or simple answer...
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        Lipstick

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        I understand how you feel imagin, when it is a real close friend you feel the pain right with them. She will come out of this stronger and wiser and learn too what a good friend you have been to her.

        Lips
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        chillymellow

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        Sounds like your common everyday sociopath - How would she know so she would take it more seriously- 13 questions:
        "
        1. Do you often feel used by the person?

        2. Have you often felt that he (or she) doesn't care about you?

        3. Does he lie and deceive you?

        4. Does he tend to make contradictory statements?

        5. Does he tend to take from you and not give back much?

        6. Does he often appeal to pity? Does he seem to try to make you feel sorry for him?

        7. Does he try to make you feel guilty?

        8. Do you sometimes feel he is taking advantage of your good nature?

        9. Does he seem easily bored and need constant stimulation?

        10. Does he use a lot of flattery? Does he interact with you in a way that makes you feel flattered even if he says nothing overtly complimentary?

        11. Does he make you feel worried? Does he do it obviously or more cleverly and sneakily?

        12. Does he give you the impression you owe him?

        13. Does he chronically fail to take responsibility for harming others? Does he blame everyone and everything but himself?

        And does he do these things far more than the other people in your life? If you answered "yes" to many of these, you may be dealing with a sociopath. For sure you're dealing with someone who isn't good for you, whatever you want to call him."

        It's extremely hard to escape them, they can seem so much like they have real emotions....
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        toodleedoo

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        Ahh the Ex factor.  I too have suddenly been talking to my ex, in a strict friend capacity, and I am actually OK now.  He heard about my illness and wanted to see how I was doing, and see if I am happy.  He must have asked me if I'm happy 3 or 4 times until he was satisfied.  It wasn't the jealous way, I think he honestly wanted to know if I was happy since I was so ill.  And I care for him also, and felt bad that his fiance left him.  So somehow, over the years- 15 he was my first love- we have surpassed the emotional drama and fell into some weird sinkhole of real friendship.  I would definitely say time is what did it mostly, it does heal.  Lips gave great advice about when she is ready to move on, she will.  Chilly- good points there too.  Thanks

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