Ahhhh...its good to be back on U.S. soil!
My mission trip with Rev. Denise was a fantasy come true. With all the lucious signals exchanged between us prior to our departure and the promise of sharing a hut with my dream woman, I was SO ready to go.
We packed the bus for the airport. Denise was looking quite spiffy in her form fitting Tommy Jeans, UCLA sweat shirt and North Face jacket. Her hair was extra stunning and bouncy and had a nice, fresh smell. I couldn't breath her in enough. Her husband, Becker, drove the bus to drop us off at the airport. As expected, this caveman ran the bus up on a curb bursting one of the tires. We had to walk with our luggage and supplies over a quarter mile to the terminal. He just kept saying "dudes, I am so totally sorry!" What a meat head.
Finally, Becker was gone and I was walking with Denise through the terminal. She looked at me and said "I am so glad you are going." Oh, man...her lips were glistening wet when she said that. I was so glad I was going too. We checked our bags and headed off through security. Now, you all know airport security. TSA workers think they are FBI agents. Give someone a badge and they think they are James Bond!
As I went through security and was putting my shoes back on I heard a voice behind me say...."Ma'am do you have a perscription for these?" I looked behind me and was seized with HORROR!!!! To make an aweful story mercifully short, the TSA caught Denise with over 200 pills of Oxycontin! No Rx!!! That's right folks...Hillybilly heroin! Rev. Denise was taken into custody.
I climbed aboard the airplane crushed! To make it worse I was in the middle seat between a fishy smelling woman and a man who ate one oily, sloppy sandwich after another! It was the longest flight of my life......this could have been a new form of CIA tourture!
We took a hot bus to El Peje for the mission project. No advance supplies had been sent, so we had to sit around for four days with little to do.
Now, my roomates (sans Denise!) were the Bible Thumber and the 300 pound woman. Bible Thumper caught a bad case of diarrhea and stunk the hut up. He blew up every pair of shorts he had! He asked to borrow my new Ralph Lauren khahki shorts, but I told him to drop dead. The OBESE woman gave me a horrible fright, too. I got a FULL VIEW of her coming out of the shower...naked! NAKED! My Lord! I worry something happen to my brain that triggered the eqivalent of chemical castration! She must own the record for the most moles, warts and skin tags per bodily sqaure inch!
The supplies arrived and we did get a couple days work in. That was good, ultimately that is why we were there and it made the time pass faster so I could finally get HOME!
I was devasted. My dream and fantasy came to a crashing hault. When we arrived back home, I learned Rev. Denise has been forced on "indefinate leave of absence." Becker has just disappeared.
To drown my sorrows I leave in the morning for Atlantic City! I need some gambling therapy NOW! I may need to watch some strippers for a couple of hours to clear my head of Obese Woman.
***Doc shakes his fist in the sky at the Lord and cries out "Why God? Whhhhhyyyy????"
I'm back! Costa Rica mission, Rev. Denise....trip from feakin' HELL !!!!
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- Wow what a disaster. What can I say.
What on earth possessed her to be carrying drugs. So the "not so squeaky clean" rev. has shocked you I'm guessing.
A stinky hut and a naked woman you don't want to see naked - the mind boggles.
Bad luck and sorry it was so awful. I hope you have better fun in Atlantic City.
- Hi Doc,
First of all i must say Welcome back!!! I so missed our romantic jester!!! While you were gone not visions of sugar plums danced in our heads, but rather lips of red wine and salty nuts loomed in the air for our resident doc!
The doom, the gloom.....the crowd sighs in disbelief as the serendipity connection was some how lost at the hands of our homeland security.
She is disappears........but the signs are everywhere. On every street corner...on every magazine you pick up....to every billboard you see! She is there........her flame still burns an internal ember within you.
Disappeared.........not a chance!! Listen closely.......she whispers your name......she will be back and you will conquer your damsel in distress!
- satansmuff wrote:
Wow...sorry to hear that! At least you were able to get some work done which was really the whole purpose of going in the first place right...Just to bad you couldn't help yourself while you were helping others....lol, Good Luck in A.C.! Oh and wlecome back!!
hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! good one satan...help yourself while helping others...hahahahaha
OMG Doc...this has been the funniest story i have ever read..
i really am sorry it didn't work out...it was getting interesting, when you didn't sound like a stalker ;D
i never would have wished anything like that on you, you poor b******. i don't know which part was worse, but it was all so funny.
i am not really a judgemental person doc...but karma is a bitch, isn't it. i have learned this all too well myself, somethings god doesn't seem to have a sense of humor about.
i try to live accordingly. lol ;D
- Oh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...............
I have 2 confess I've been anxiously awaiting your return so that we could all find out what happened......
Mannnnnnnnnnnn, I can't BELIEVE that stuff!!!! So sorry things turned out the way they did......
I'm not the best Christian out there, but I've learned that God most certainly has a plan....... EVERYTHING happens 4 a reason. So perhaps it's best u found all this out now b4 things got REALLY hot & heavy..
I will continue 2 eagerly await your updates.... take care of yourself... and WELCOME BACK
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