Is There a Fine Line Between Being Phony and Nice?

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    Lipstick

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        Lipstick

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        Hi Lcb'ers,

        We have all been in situations where we have been in the company of someone we do not like. Whether it's a coworker, a neighbor or someones friend.

        Is it always correct to be polite no matter what? If so, would it be considered a phony or just showing some manners in a bad situation.

        There seems to be a fine line between being a phony and being nice. Have you ever walked away and regretted speaking to someone who you didn't like and felt you were not true to yourself?

        Lips
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        I am pretty sure at one time in everybody's life we have put on that fake smile and played the phony part just to be nice. 

        I know i have.

        Tony
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        drpsyce38

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        Yeah....we've all had to "grin and bear it."
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        Nice is an effort.  You say, I tried to be nice, you don't say I was trying to be phony.  Being nice is polite and courteous, it is respect for another person even if you don't like them.  Phony is acting like you really like them, but you DON'T!  We would have many more problems in life if we weren't nice people.  I am a kind person.  I am nice to some people and I am not a phony!  Never that!.  If I don't like a person, they know.
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        drpsyce38

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        debra.....I like your point.  Some social comentators would say we have become too nice.  Sometimes we have to love people enough to tell them the truth...and that is hard to do.
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        lyndalou

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        It's funny that you asked this question. Just yesterday was opening day for hunting,for those who know about me (spinalcord stim) I was acually feeling okay and maybe up to it...so i went knowing there was one of the hunters house that we could go and keep warm etc. it was our "meeting place" and other wives were there to cook, not hunt. I was the only female going on the hunt,and 5 other men. We did a couple of drives and decided we would go back to the house and when we did, they decided to go for "ONE MORE" by that time, I was hurting and knew I would not be of any good use and stayed behind. There was this couple there that I have never met before and the "husband" began talking to me while I was finishing my glass of wine, he asked me if I would like another, thank you with a nod of my head and his wife gave him a look, and boy if looks could kill! Here I was dressed in my camo, hair in a ponytail and my camo cap on, it was 3  pm and had been up since 4 am I am quite sure was nothing to look at! Her huffs and puffs could not go un-noticed!I know he was imbarrassed and excused himself and went to take a nap....I know all were uncomforable, to break the ice I guess, she jumped up and said let's play scrabble! Okay gang, believe it or not I have never played scrabble before EVER! I am sure she was snickering under her breath. Well, sure i'll play but I have never played before, so the game begins and she was off and on her way! She did win the game, but I did come in 2nd and only like 35 points away, she had all she could do but jump up and down and carry on, I really couldn't believe how "happy" she was to win----good for her I thought. He husband then came in right after our game was over and she yelled "Honey, I won, I won...." his comment GO FIGURE. I then chuckled.....thank god the guys came in and boy I could hardly get my boots on to leave! I guess she was the one that was fake and phoney, and I am sure it was more work for her then me! (using her brain and all!) lol p.s. She was the one who brought the game.......GO FIGURE!
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        Shelli

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        Lips, you know me, I guess I am just a B**** I would rather be RUDE than fake.   
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        BIGLEAN

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        I am to down to earth and real to be phony!  I won't be rude, but I won't be phony either :-\

        I just can't do it!
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        phibbie

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        Shelli wrote:

        Lips, you know me, I guess I am just a B**** I would rather be RUDE than fake.   


        It also about me, Shelli! 
        If I don't like a person I try to not to talk, contact with him/her at least! Argument and rudeness is the last thing for me...only if I'm offended somehow...Even if we meet in a party of something, there are other people who I can communicate with...
        I usually don't have such problem because people who I don't like feel that and try to avoid me!
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        Lipstick

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        lyndalou wrote:

        It's funny that you asked this question. Just yesterday was opening day for hunting,for those who know about me (spinalcord stim) I was acually feeling okay and maybe up to it...so i went knowing there was one of the hunters house that we could go and keep warm etc. it was our "meeting place" and other wives were there to cook, not hunt. I was the only female going on the hunt,and 5 other men. We did a couple of drives and decided we would go back to the house and when we did, they decided to go for "ONE MORE" by that time, I was hurting and knew I would not be of any good use and stayed behind. There was this couple there that I have never met before and the "husband" began talking to me while I was finishing my glass of wine, he asked me if I would like another, thank you with a nod of my head and his wife gave him a look, and boy if looks could kill! Here I was dressed in my camo, hair in a ponytail and my camo cap on, it was 3  pm and had been up since 4 am I am quite sure was nothing to look at! Her huffs and puffs could not go un-noticed!I know he was imbarrassed and excused himself and went to take a nap....I know all were uncomforable, to break the ice I guess, she jumped up and said let's play scrabble! Okay gang, believe it or not I have never played scrabble before EVER! I am sure she was snickering under her breath. Well, sure i'll play but I have never played before, so the game begins and she was off and on her way! She did win the game, but I did come in 2nd and only like 35 points away, she had all she could do but jump up and down and carry on, I really couldn't believe how "happy" she was to win----good for her I thought. He husband then came in right after our game was over and she yelled "Honey, I won, I won...." his comment GO FIGURE. I then chuckled.....thank god the guys came in and boy I could hardly get my boots on to leave! I guess she was the one that was fake and phoney, and I am sure it was more work for her then me! (using her brain and all!) lol p.s. She was the one who brought the game.......GO FIGURE!
        Great example lynda i sensed a little bit of jealous mixed in as well!! Thanks for sharing this story.....nice reading!

        Lips
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        lyndalou

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        Lips, Yeah I guess your right, I was hoping to an "S" or an "ING" to add on to her words! snicker, snicker,snicker.....
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        nalgenie

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        Shelli wrote:

        Lips, you know me, I guess I am just a B**** I would rather be RUDE than fake.    

        Hey Shell,
        I am right there with you.  I definately have a caustic tongue...and I am always true to myself.   I do not think every situation calls for it as Lips asks.  There are many times in my line of work I need to bite my tongue, but I will NOT go out of my way and be phony or nice...that is NOT me.  I will just NOT tell them to go screw themselves, when I really, really want to  ;D
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        blueday

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          I would never be "phony" towards someone.  Its just not in my nature.  I'm a bit of a WYSIWYG - what you see is what you get.  If someone doesn't like it, thats fine by me.  I try to be open and honest in my life and I have taught my son to be open and honest.

          However, if I did not like someone, I wouldn't "be phony" towards them - I just wouldn't talk to them.  I do consider that peoples feelings are important not just to them but also to me and I would never want to knowingly hurt someone, even if I didn't like them. 

          An example was that I met this Australian girl when I was working during the school holidays...many many years ago.  For some reason, I took a dislike to her and I couldn't put my finger on it.  Anyway, we were slung together to do a job and we started talking about the job that we had to do and you could have knocked me down with a feather - she was a really nice person. 

          From that day to this, I try not to judge, I try to be honest and I try to be open but I would never tell someone I didn't like them.  That would be wrong and hurtful.

          In fact there is only one person on this planet that I really don't like and she lives below me and she has made my life a bit of a misery and I go out of my way not to talk to her i.e. cross the road, jump in my car etc.  If I walked past her, I wouldn't talk or say hello. 

          So I don't think that being phony comes into it, Im just not interested in talking to her.

          I feel like I may not have got my feelings across.

          blue

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          Hi Blue,

          I think you did a fine job of getting your feelings across. I can also relate to what you are saying. It is very difficult to be nice to someone when there is bad chemistry.

          I think you make a very good point in saying that once you knew her....you were amazed at how much you really did like her. I think this happens alot.

          I heard somewhere a quote....."the things we don't like in other people is the very things we don't like in ourselves". I think there is some truth to that.

          We all have a part of ourselves we wish we could change. I just wonder if the person we are not liking is a reminder in some way of us.

          I think about that every time i run across a person i don't like. It is never easy for me to even think i am remotely like that person!!

          Lips
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          blueday

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            Thanks Lips.

            There are very few people I "instantly dislike" after that "eye opening" experience.  I think I was 15/16.

            They have to be vile in every way (like the woman who lives under me).  She has no redeeming features about her whatsoever.  She is mean, nasty, rude and vile.  Thank God I am nothing like her.  But the Australian girl - yes I guess we were quite alike in some ways.  

            There was a woman at work - every time I said hello to her, she would sniff and stick her nose in the air.  She did this to me time after time for many months.  In the end I thought, oh get on with it then.  Anyway, I never spoke to this woman for a couple of years and then the worst happened.  They put me in the same office as her.  It was just her and me.

            The first morning, I walked in and said "morning" - she stuck her nose in the air and sniffed loudly.

            The second morning, I walked in and said "morning" again.  She did exactly the same thing.

            The third morning, I decided I wasn't going to say anything....and she said "good morning" to me.  Sods law.

            Anyway, we "got along" as best we could - she had quite a kind heart.  But she still did the nose in the air and the sniffing thing to me.  Time moved on and we moved into different sections as there was a huge shuffle up at work.

            I was never nasty to this woman..ever.  But I was never "phony" to her either.  I just didnt talk to her.

            We ended up working together again and I was her boss when my boss was away.  She was quite an "up front" person in a lot of ways.  Well we got talking one day and I asked her outright if she remembered how she used to be.

            Her reaction was one of total horror.  She couldn't believe that she was like that and my friend backed me up and told her exactly how she had been towards me for so long all those years ago.  

            She retired before I was made redundant and I must say, I did miss her.  So I guess the point of all this is, there is no point in being phony as it will never serve you well.  

            blue

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