Is this selfish or understandable?

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    Last post ago about 5 years by gabby
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      Mighty! Member
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      • Avatar 26589
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          Mighty! Member
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        I live in Minnesota and my parents live in Reno.

        My mother in law had surgery on Monday and was too be released on Tuesday.  There were some complications and she didn't get discharged until Friday.
        My husband has many siblings who were all there for her.
        My plan was to visit her in the hospital (obviously) and make meals for my father in law, as he had his hands full and a lot of stress.

        On Tuesday, my dad called from Reno letting me know he had to call 911 for my mom.  Things didn't look good.  :'(  My mom is 67 and has always been a vibrant outgoing lady.  She couldn't lift her arm to move her pillow and no way could even walk. I'm going to wait until she goes home to fly out and help since my dad still works and she will need help then.


        I couldn't go see my mother in law.
        I couldn't make my father in law meals.  
        I just couldn't do it since I wanted to be there for MY mom and make meals for my dad.  

        The family says they totally understand and are being very supportive.  I still feel torn and like I'm not doing all I can even though I'm trying so hard.
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          Mighty! Member
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        I'd tell you to do what you're doing. I know some friends who had something like this and as much as they loved their in laws, their own Parents came first.
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          admin
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        I would choose my parents over my in-laws too Gabby and I guess most people would. So, in my view, you're doing the right thing there.
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        Definitely stick with your parents Gabby.  What a horrible position to be in. 

        There isn't really a choice here - it has to be your parents.  If it was your hubby, I'm sure you would expect him to be with his parents over yours. Don't feel bad for what is the right decision.

        blue
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          Mighty! Member
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        Gabby you are one hell of a woman, but you are not superwoman... your parents absolutely must take first place... you can't do it all and the in-laws have a lot of support so you are not leaving them high and dry...


        (ppppsssssstttt... don't sweat the small stuff)


        katt
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        so sorry to hear this gabby i would help my parents hands down gl on all dear
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        This is a very difficult position to find yourself in, gabby, and seeing clearly when so many negative things surround you is sometimes extremely hard. However, I do think you're doing the best thing you can do - caring about both sides, and letting them know how much you want to help out, even though you're torn between them. That's the whole point, and whom you'll help physically matters less, because it's much more important that they all know they're loved and appreciated.

        And helping out your parents is a natural thing to do, so there's no need to stress out about that at all!
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          Mighty! Member
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        Thank you so much for the kind words and support.  It really means a lot to me right now.

        My mom seems to be doing worse.

        It broke my heart to hear she told my sister "I wish there was a Fairy Godmother to wave her wand and make things all better."

        My family needs to get to Reno.  The drive is 27 hours and plane tickets would cost $3,488.  I can't finacially swing that twice.... many sleepless nights trying to figure out the best thing to do.
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          Mighty! Member
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        Gabby,my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.I hope you can find a way to be there for mom.
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        Gosh Gabby, what a job to even get there.  I hope you can find  a way too.  My thoughts are with you and your family.

        blue
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          Mighty! Member
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        Thanks again all for the tremendous support.

        I'm beside myself with stress.  I wish I had not lost my biggest business account so funds were not a problem seeing my mom.

        She's 5'7" and down to 88lbs. 

        My son turned 11 today.  He's having a sleepover on Saturday, planned before this all occured.  I don't know that I can handle 5 girls from 6pm -10pm and 12 boys sleeping over.
        Any volunteers to help with THAT????

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