just a crazy rant

I feel on friendly terms with all the LCBers and you are a kind group and since I don't really have anyone to talk to, I am going to get some things off my chest.  I have had quite a spiritual weakening with everything that has been going on with my daughter.  I knew when swallowed the hair pretty that meant an emergency surgery and I was the one who figured out she has scoliosis.  She has been sick lately with that stomach bug that seems to be everywhere and now I have myself convinced she has cancer.  Unfounded, I know, but once I get an idea in my head, it stays.  We are taking her to the doctor, but between now and then I haven't eaten and have gone from not smoking to smoking almost nonstop.  I had actually talked with a woman about one day needing to place my daughter in a home and now I feel like God is punishing me for such a selfish thought.  I just feel like dark days are ahead.

I understand the pain, worry and suffering you are going through and i am sure you feel like you just can't take it anymore at moments and ya know what? That's ok to have those moments and there is nothing wrong with that because you are only human.

The last thing God or laws of karma are going to do is punish you for having a moment of feeling totally in despair. And when you are feeling low and stressed out we tend to think the worst because the heart and soul is not in a good place.

I would be willing to bet your daughter doesn't have the dreaded big "C". You are just in a bad place right now and before you know it you will be back to your old resilient self and realize like we your friends here at LCB do that your a fantastic mother. It's written in almost every thread and post you make.

Dust yourself off, pick yourself up and believe in you and quit beating yourself up! This too shall pass.

Lips

Hi Wmmeden, I am so sorry to hear about your daughter and nothing, I nor any1 else can say that  will relieve yr stress, I hv been through something similar. My daughter passed of a brain tumur and there is nothing more terrifying nor heart wrenching then having a sick child.
But you must hv faith & stress will make you yourself sick. If your sick, who will take care of your child...I know it is easier said then done, but you must for your daughters sake to try and take care of yourself. I had a stroke and hv been really sick since she has passed and i too let the stress get to me but I found praying helped and also speaking with other parents who were in similiar situations helped me,  but each person deals with these horrific situations differently.  You, your child and family will be in my prayers, and I truely wish you all the best.   May the Lord Bless you, your daughter and your family.
                       Grace. X0

Don't  be too harsh on yourself, don't blame yourself for a thought. You are a really nice person which has to deal with a lot of pain, most people I know whould have cracked under that kind of pressure.

Stay strong and, most important, proud. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

You've struggled through some very tough times all on your own, you've brought up your son who is a credit to you and yet you are now beating yourself up because you thought that maybe, at some point, your daughter should be in a home to be looked after.  Whatever you decide to do, you will only ever have Kelsea's interests at heart.  You always do whatever is best for her and you know this.

As for the big C - you are probably worrying unnecessarily.  This bug that is going around can take a long time to get rid of.

Take care of yourself and please stop beating yourself up.  Try and take one day at a time.  I wish I could be more helpful.

blue

I know it may seem like you're being kicked when you're down and it's ok to be a bit selfish in your thoughts sometimes. I agree with what's been said about you being a great mother and selfishness doesn't come to mind. You're little girl is lucky to have you and don't worry until you have reason to.

Thank you all for your kindness.  I was in a really dark place last night and felt a low I had never had before.  I try to take everything a moment at a time, but was just overtaken by helplessness.  Day by day, that's all any of us can do.

Stay strong wmmeden, just take one step at the time.

wmmeden, you did the very best thing you could do when things feel so dark and that is open up and tell it to people who care about you. Caretakers are some of the least cared for people in the world... take steps to care for you as well as Kelsea. And admitting that sometime you may need help to care for Kelsea is not selfish. If that day comes it will be in her best interest to get the care she needs.

katt

my dear heart this is not a crazy rant,there are alot of parents here that can lend u an ear or a shoulder to cry on.You are not alone

I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time.  Stay strong and I hope for the best for you and your daughter.