Just Joking around in June

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Last post ago over 5 years by dazzlingdebra
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dazzlingdebra

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    • Avatar 18606

      dazzlingdebra

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      A man walk into a supermarket and notices a beautiful woman staring at him.

      She stares for quite some time, so finally the man asked "Do I know you?"

      The woman answers "I think your the father of one of my kids".

      The man thinks for a minute then realizes this kid she is talking about must be the result of the one and only time he ever cheated on his wife.

      So he says to the woman "are you the stripper that was at my best friends bachelor party about 5 years ago?" "You know, the one I had sex with on the pool table while your friend spanked my butt with a whip?"

      The woman looks at him horrified and says "No, I'm your son's teacher".



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      blueday

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        LOL  Good one.  I wasn't expecting that.

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        chillymellow

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        ...chillymellow...
        My turn to play bingo!
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        I've seen that on tv a bunch of times in a commercial for something.  Not to say it isn't funny....
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        Johnny Karp

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        Haha, great one!
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        dazzlingdebra

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        Courtesy of the JokeYard:

        The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.
        The first one out the door at 2:00 o’clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.
        Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.
        Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.
        Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away.
        Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.
        The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyzer test, to which he readily agreed.
        When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, “How can this be?”
        To which the man replied, “Because tonight, I’m the designated decoy.”

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        gabby

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        dazzlingdebra wrote:


        A man walk into a supermarket and notices a beautiful woman staring at him.

        She stares for quite some time, so finally the man asked "Do I know you?"

        The woman answers "I think your the father of one of my kids".

        The man thinks for a minute then realizes this kid she is talking about must be the result of the one and only time he ever cheated on his wife.

        So he says to the woman "are you the stripper that was at my best friends bachelor party about 5 years ago?" "You know, the one I had sex with on the pool table while your friend spanked my butt with a whip?"

        The woman looks at him horrified and says "No, I'm your son's teacher".






        LOL     

        That was GREAT!
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        blueday

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          Johnny Karp

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          Nice one dazzlingdebra, it might give an idea to some people too!
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          dazzlingdebra

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          A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
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          dazzlingdebra

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          A guy dies whilst making love to his wife.

          A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, “Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?”

          The wife replies, “Cut it off and shove it up his arse!”

          The undertaker does as he is told.

          On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, “It fucking hurts doesn’t it!”
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          dazzlingdebra

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          A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees.

          I don't want to know! the child says, bursting into tears. Promise me you won't tell me!

          Confused, the father asks what's wrong.

          Oh, dad, the boy sobs. When I was six, I got the There's no Santa speech. At seven, I got the There's no Easter Bunny speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the There's no tooth fairy speech. If you're going to tell me that adults don't really have sex, I'll have nothing left to live for.
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          blueday

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            These are great dazzlingdebra. I particularly like the pharmacist one.

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            TAAADAAA

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            hehe, luv it.  tx

            dazzlingdebra wrote:

            A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
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            Lipstick

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            These are great dazzling! I can't decide from one to the next which is my favorite. Keep them coming 

            Lips
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            gabby

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            Love them all, Debra.

            I called my mom right away and read her the first one ( while spanking my butt with a whip). She was and couldn't wait to pass it on to my dad.

            :)

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