Just Joking around in June

LOL  Good one.  I wasn't expecting that.

blue

I've seen that on tv a bunch of times in a commercial for something.  Not to say it isn't funny....

Haha, great one!

Courtesy of the JokeYard:

The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.
The first one out the door at 2:00 o’clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.
Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.
Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.
Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away.
Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.
The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyzer test, to which he readily agreed.
When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, “How can this be?”
To which the man replied, “Because tonight, I’m the designated decoy.”

LOL Love it

Nice one dazzlingdebra, it might give an idea to some people too!

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

A guy dies whilst making love to his wife.

A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, “Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?”

The wife replies, “Cut it off and shove it up his arse!”

The undertaker does as he is told.

On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, “It fucking hurts doesn’t it!”

A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees.

I don't want to know! the child says, bursting into tears. Promise me you won't tell me!

Confused, the father asks what's wrong.

Oh, dad, the boy sobs. When I was six, I got the There's no Santa speech. At seven, I got the There's no Easter Bunny speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the There's no tooth fairy speech. If you're going to tell me that adults don't really have sex, I'll have nothing left to live for.

These are great dazzlingdebra. I particularly like the pharmacist one.

blue

hehe, luv it.  tx

Love them all, Debra.

I called my mom right away and read her the first one ( while spanking my butt with a whip). She was and couldn't wait to pass it on to my dad.

:)

A furious pounding in a hotel room late at night awakened a number of guests.

The hotel manager was called, and he let himself into the room.

Inside, he found an elderly man cursing and banging away on the wall with both fists.

"Stop that!" the manager ordered. "You're disturbing the whole hotel."

"Damn the hotel!" the eldery man spat. "It's the first erection I've had in years, and both my hands are asleep."

A man and his girlfriend are having a sexual encounter.

He asks her to "go downtown" so, with a sigh, she gets on her knees in front of him and starts peering at his genitals, looking and tipping her head this way and that, studying the whole business.

After about five minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of peeved voice, "Well, just what are you doing?"

She replied, "I'm doing what I always do when I'm downtown with no money..... just looking."

Little Johnny's teacher noticed that he was sporting a black eye. She asked him what happened, and he replied, "Ma'am, you remember I told you how I sleep on the floor next to my parent's bed? Well, last night, my dad asked me if I was still awake, I said yes and then he punched me in the face."

"Ok, Johnny", the teacher said, trying to help, " the next time your dad asks you if you're still awake, don't answer, just lay still and pretend to be asleep."

All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came to class with another black eye. The teacher asked him why he didn't follow her advice.

Johnny explained, "Ma'am, I tried to, when dad asked me if I was awake, I kept quiet and lay really still, and pretended to be asleep, but then Dad said 'I'm coming', and Mom said 'I'm coming too', and I didn't want them to go anywhere without me, so I shouted, 'Let me just put on my slippers, I'm coming too' and that's when I got punched in the face."

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

New Seniors AlphabetJune 21st 2010 03:16
New Alphabet

A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

Now The Alphabet:

A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?

D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.

H. High blood pressure--I'd rather it low;

I.For incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L 's for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.

W for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind.

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to screw your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.


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A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."


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A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"


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I love those jokes!

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"


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A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...

'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."

So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"


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ok I just caught up with all of these hilarious jokes! What a great thread!
Thought I would share one too... 

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'

'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.
 
'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.  Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self.'

Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'

'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.

'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'

'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'

You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!'

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other.

The genie was insatiable.  After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.

'No Kidding,' he said.

'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?' 

^^^^^    

Two lil boys were sitting at the breakfast table. Their mother asks the first lil boy, Johnny, what he would like for breakfast.
He replies, give me some damn Post Toasties.
The mother walks over and smacks him upside his head.
She then proceeds to ask him again.
He replies, give me some damn Post Toasties.
So, she wacks him a good one, again.
So now the mother turns to the second son, Timothy and sweetly asks him what he would like to eat for breakfast.
He replies, you can bet your sweet ass it won't be those damn Post Toasties! 

F***in Chocolate

A man went to the store and asked the female cashier behind the counter, "Do you have any chocolate ice cream?" The cashier replies, "No we are out of chocolate ice cream."

So the man asks, "Can I get a gallon of chocolate ice cream?" The cashier says, "No! we are out of chocolate ice cream."

The man asks, 'Can I get a half gallon of chocolate ice cream." The cashier, getting frustrated, says "No! we are out of it."

The man asks, "Can I get a pint of chocolate ice cream?"
So the cashier says, "Sir, can you spell the van in vanilla?"
He says, "Yes! V-a-n."
The cashier says, "Can you spell the straw in strawberry?"
He says, "Yes, S-t-r-a-w."
The cashier says, "Can you spell the f*** in chocolate?" The man thinks and says, "Hey! there is no f*** in chocolate!"

The cashier says, "Right! That's what I been trying to tell you! There is no f***in chocolate!"

A truck driver was driving on the freeway when he noticed a young girl standing on the side of the road next to a broken down car. The truck driver pulls up behind the car and rolls his window down. The young girl comes up to his window. He says "hey lady need a lift?" she replies to him "yes my car broke down i need to get to a phone." She opens the door and jumps in. As they are driving the truck driver introduces himself. "my name is Snow, what’s yours?" "June" she replies to him. He then asks her her age, and she replies to him that she is 22. He goes on to ask stupid questions to get her into a talking mood. After a while she notices he has been staring at her ever since she got into the truck. She decides to ask him "is there something wrong? You have been staring at me." He looks over and replies "No. Im just thinking," "thinking about what?" he replies with a grin on his face "thinkin what it would be like to have seven inches of snow in June."

DIVORCED VIRGIN JOKE

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced five husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin."


"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you’ve been married five times?"


"Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband 2 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband 3 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband 4 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband 5 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!"

>:DWARNING.......THESE ARE VERY VERY VERY DIRTY, I HOPE THEY DONT OFFEND ANYONE SO IF I DO, PLEASE COMMENT TOO!...LOL
>:D >:(


(Row Row Row Your Boat)
Roll, roll, roll your joint
twist it at the end,
take a puff,
that's enough and pass it to a friend.

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner playing with himself,
he stuck his thumb up his ass
and found his uncles underpants
and said "What a good boy am I"
>:D

Mary Mary quite contrary
shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy.

Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
I live in a flat you f***ing twat so how the f*** should I know

Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
With wizz and e’s and ganja trees and coke as white as snow

Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E
Mary was a kiky slut and give them H.I.V

Abraham Lincoln was a good old man.
He hopped out the window with his Dick in hand.
He said, "Excuse me ladies,
just doing my duty
so why not pull down your pants
and give me some booty."

HICKERY DICKERY DOC
THIS BITCH WAS SUCKIN MY COCK
THE CLOCK STRUCK TWO
I DUMPED MY GOO
AND DUMPED HER AT THE END OF THE BLOCK.

Jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana,
jack got high
unzipped his fly
and then they had a little fun,
jill forgot to take the pill
and now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf,
Jack got high and dropped his fly and Jill said "Where’s The Beef?"

Jack be nimble
jack be quick
jack jump over the candlestick,
if jacks so nimble
and jacks so quick
why is he in the hospital
with a lil burnt dick.

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over,
Rover took over
And the bitch got a bone of her own!

Peter peter pumpkin eater
had a wife loved to beat her
smacked her twice across the head
f***ed her ass and went to bed

Little bow peep f***ed a sheep
blew a horse, licked his feet,
she ate his ass so very nice
tongued his balls not once but twice.

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,
He's an alcoholic and I am too,
Whenever we go downtown
The people always frown
What a shame John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt

Twinkle, twinkle, little star
Hey baby have you seen the backseat of my car
With your legs up high
I'll make you cry
and make you forget where you are

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider
That crept up beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

(Row Row Row Your Boat Animorphic Version)

F***, f***, f*** a duck.
Screw a kangaroo.
69 a porcupine.
Orgy at the zoo.

F***, f***, f*** a duck.
Screw a kangaroo.
Finger an orangutang.
Orgy at the zoo.

F***, f***, f*** a duck.
Screw a kangaroo.
Eat a grape, rape an ape.
Orgy at the zoo.

F***, f***, f*** a duck.
Screw a kangaroo.
Masturbate with a snake
Sunning at the zoo.

F***, f***, f*** a duck
Gently in the ass
Roll around on the ground
Until you cum at last!

New Tyson burger: There is a piece of the champ in every bite!!!

They are making a new boxing term for Tyson....instead of KO, it will be a Van Gogh. "Evander was Van Gogh'd in the third!!!"

Can't beat um...Eat um!!!!

If Tyson fights Golatta,is it more points for a low blow or an ear bite?

In this corner Evander "the Real Meal" Holyfield!!!!!!!

Before the fight, Mike's trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfied. Oops, bad advice.

Iron BITE Tyson, the heavyweight CHOMP of the world!

Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!

Tyson's psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood....good thing he didn't say two!

Tyson's favorite football team-the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS.

For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants it to be held in Earie, PA.

Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

Yo mama so stupid I told her to do the robot.....and now R2D2 has AIDS

Yo mama so stupid she thought Hamburger Helper came with a friend

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo mama so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

Yo mama so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.

Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon

Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read

Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

submitted by: soccerperson62819

Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo mama so stupid she wouldn't buy a gameboy because she was a girl

Yo mama so stupid she got a wig with christmas lights in it

Yo mama so stupid, she went into the YMCA thinking it was Macy's

Yo mama so stupid, I saw her running into a subway restaurant asking people if she was late

Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo mama so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a mexican phone company

Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.

Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"

Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo mama so stupid I rang the doorbell and she checked the microwave

Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo mama so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo mama so stupid she thought TuPac Shakur was a jewish holiday

Yo mama so stupid she put cheese on my dad because he's a cracker

Yo mama so stupid she sent me a fax with a stamp on it

Yo mama so stupid she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order

Yo mama so stupid she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats

Yo mama so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone

Yo mama so stupid she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate"

Yo mama so stupid she put lipsick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind

Yo mama so stupid she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK"

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death

Yo mama so stupid if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back

Yo mama so stupid they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade

Yo mama so stupid at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"... she put "Sagittarius"

Yo mama so stupid she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store

Yo mama so stupid if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless

Yo mama so stupid she studied for a blood test - and failed

Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train

Yo mama so stupid when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved

Yo mama so stupid when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill

Yo mama so stupid she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order

Yo mama so stupid she thought Fruit Punch was a gay boxer

Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo mama so stupid she got hit by a parked car

Yo mama so stupid when asked what the capital of California was; answered "C"

Yo mama so stupid after losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

Yo mama so stupid she couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

Yo mama so stupid she got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in Furniture World and slept on the floor.

Yo mama so stupid she ordered a cheeseburger from McDonald's and said, "Hold the cheese".

Yo mama so stupid She went to Dr. Dre for a pap smear.

Yo mama so stupid she thought Hamburger Helper came with another person.

Yo mama so stupid she studied for a blood test and failed.

Yo mama so stupid she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a piece of gum to come out

Yo mama so stupid I told her to buy a color tv and she said "What Color?"

Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo mama so stupid she thinks socialism means partying.

Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Yo mama so stupid if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.

Yo mama so stupid she was on the corner giving out potato chips, yelling, "Free Lays!".

Yo mama so stupid when I was drowning and yelled for a life saver, she said, "Cherry or Grape?"

Yo mama so stupid when the computer said "Press any key to continue", she couldn't find the "Any" key.

Yo mama so stupid she took a knife to a drive by
submitted by: californialuv213


Yo mama so stupid that she has to put lipstick on her forehead just to make-up her mind.
submitted by: chaingang1

Yo mama so stupid that she went for a walk and stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go.
submitted by: boat84

Yo mama so stupid, that she went to a clippers game for a haircut.
submitted by: jcgarcia9190

Yo mama so stupid that when she went through the drive through she said can I get chilly I'm hot.
submitted by: www.sharodsilas

Yo mama so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory because she kept throwing away all of the W's.
submitted by: bob

Yo mama so stupid she tried to drown a fish.
submitted by: darkexodia13

Yo mama so stupid when she went to heaven they said they were passing out brains, she thought they said trains so she said give me a slow one.
submitted by: carrielaughlin

Yo mama so stupid she stared at an orange juice carton for 2 hours because it said concentrate.
submitted by: cman

Ya mama so stupid she sold her refrigerator to buy groceries!
submitted by: bluboi504

Yo mama so stupid she fell UP a flight of stairs.
submitted by: lil_andy3

Yo mamas so stupid that she has to put lipstick on her forehead just to make-up her mind.
submitted by: chaingang1

Yo momma so stupid that she went for a walk and stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go.
submitted by: boat84

Yo mama is so stupid she tried to drown a fish
submitted by: darkexodia13

Yo mama is so stupid she tried to teach a bird how to fly
submitted by: niknasty

yo mama so stupid when she went to heaven they said they were passing out brains she thought they said trains she said give me a slow one.
submitted by: carrielaughlin

yo mamma so stupid that she sat on the t.v. and watched the couch
submitted by: swanydf

Yo mama so stupid when she went to court and the judge said order she said fries and coke please.
submitted by: jackie30122

Yo Mama is so stupid , she put a quarter in each ear and said she is listening to Fifty Cents
submitted by: itanni

yo mama soooo stupid that when her ink pen ran out of ink she asked where the pencil sharpener was!!!
submitted by: thebadkidd

Yo mama is so stupid that she asked you wats the number for 911
submitted by: thediazfamily

Your mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking mider and said " Wheres my gum ball."
submitted by: cc182

Yo mama so stupid she threw a bird off a cliff.
submitted by: puckmaster

Yo mama so stupid she thinks that a scholarship is a boat full of students
submitted by: kryssy-t

Yo mama so stupid she went inside a grocery store and she got locked up and she starved to death at the grocery store.
submitted by: abc123cesar

Yo mama so stupid she put a food stamp on her phone bill and tried to mail it.
submitted by: NBGthickchick53

Yo mama so stupid, she cut holes in her umbrella to see if it was raining!
submitted by: smits017

yo mama so stupid she thinks that a scholarship is a boat full of students
submitted by: kryssy-t

Yo mama is so stupid a school bus passed by and she said go catch that twinkie
submitted by: nPetrov

Yo mama is so stupid she put a piece of paper on the tv so she can watch paperview.
submitted by: lazyandrea14

Yo mamma is so stupid she put a quarter in the parking meter and waited for a gumball to pop out.
submitted by: happy_fireball

Yo mama so stupid she tried to drown a fish.
submitted by: creechtaylor

Yo mama so stupid she fell up a flight of stairs
submitted by: lil_andy3

Yo mama so stupid when she went to court and the judge said order she said fries and a coke please
submitted by: jackie30122

Yo mama so stupid when we went golfing and i told her to keep her eye on the ball she actually put her eye on the ball.
submitted by: bagleyb.10.wm

Yo mama so stupid when her friend asked her "What was IQ test result?" she said "I came back negative"

LOL

The 7 dwarfs thought Snow White was hot.  They decided to  peek in her room.
The dwarfs stacked themselves shoulder on shoulder to look in her window.

Dopey was on top relaying what he saw.

Shirt coming off.  Down the chain was said...
Shirt's coming off, shirts coming off, shirts coming off....

Dopey said " Shorts coming off".  And down the chain was repeated... Shorts coming off, shorts coming off, shorts coming off.......

Bra coming off. And down the chain... bra coming off, bra coming off... etc

Panties coming off. And down the chain.... panties coming off, panties coming off, panties coming off.....

Dopey said "Someone's Coming!"  And down the chain was...
Me too.  Me too.  Me too.  Me too.  Me too.

That was a good one!

MR AND Mrs Davies were lying in bed. “Do I please you in bed?” asked Mrs Davies.
“Yes,” grinned Mr Davies. “I especially enjoy that trick you do with your mouth.”
“What trick?” asked Mrs Davies with a cheeky wink.
“The one where you shut the f*** up and go to sleep.”    :-X

Hi dazzlingdebra,

I would appreciate if you refrain from posting profanities.

Zuga

I wont anymore, I apologize, could you please delete those that are like that..thanks Zuga.

Ten Signs You Are Obsessed With Online Gambling

  1. When your English professor says the author made his point; you ask if he pressed or not.
  2. You show up early at the bakery to take advantage of the hot rolls.
  3. You go into a 7-11 and ask to play the "don't."
  4. You go to a hockey game and wonder what happened to the dealers and boxman.
  5. When your kid says math "came easy" today, you ask if it was a 4,6,8 or 10.
  6. When an ambulance passes with flashing lights, you assume someone hit a "hand pay."
  7. You go into a shoe store and ask if they have 4, 6, or 8 deck.
  8. You hear the bible story where Lazarus is told to "Come out", and you ask for a 2-way C & E.
  9. You wonder if a salad shooter is really a gambling device.
  10. When the bartender asks if you want a "double", you say not against an ace.

This guy has a spare $10 that he decides to spend on his first hooker ever.

He goes out, he gets one, then he brings her home.

They have hours of hardcore sex. Then she leaves when he falls asleep.

The next morning, he wakes up and discovers that he has crabs, he goes and finds the hooker again and says, "Hey, Bit^%, you gave me crabs!"

She replies, "Well for $10 what did you expect, Lobsters?"

Two Hookers

Two hookers were standing on a street corner ready for a night of business.

"It's gonna be a good night tonight, I can tell" says one of the girls.

"How can you tell?" says the other.

"I can smell cock in the air" replies the first hooker.

"Sorry", her friend replied, " I just burped!" amp;