Mens Secrets Revealed- What Women Should or Shouldn't Know! ? !

You all know i love doing this hehe.. I always say.. a man can never figure out a woman.. but us women got you men down packed!!

Men's Secret #1 - He Doesn't Always Want
To Spend Time With You.
He might tell you, over and over in
fact, that he loves spending time with
you. And that might lull you into
thinking that the more often you spend
time with each other, the stronger the
relationship becomes.

That's true and false at the same time!

It's true that spending quality time
with each other makes the relationship
stronger. But spend TOO much time with
him, and he might start feeling
suffocated. And he's going to want to
get away from you.

Usually, he'll give excuses such as, "I
can't meet you on Wednesday, I'm
watching a ball game," or "The weekend's
not good for me -- I'd like to rest."

It's just a polite way of saying, "Right
now, I'm not in the mood."

But don't get mad at him -- after all,
taking care of a relationship takes a
lot of energy, and you'll want to give
your man some time to relax.

My advice? Don't pressure him to meet
too often during the week. Often two
meetings a week -- a dinner during the
workday and a longer date on the
weekend, for instance -- is a great
balance.

Men's Secret #2 - He STILL Thinks About
Other Women.
When you catch your man throwing glances
at other women while you're at the mall,
don't get mad. Sure, he may find them
hot, but he's not about to LEAVE you for
them!

It's much the same way you find soap
opera actors attractive. You look at
them, you admire their good looks, and
you may even wonder what it would be
like to have such a great looker as a
boyfriend.

But do you go ahead and leave your
boyfriend for the guy?

No, right?

I hope not!

Men's Secret #3 - He STILL Loves His
Freedom.
No matter how good your boyfriend may be
to you, it's likely that he had a good
bachelor life -- and secretly wishes to
experience the fun he used to have while
still single.

That's why your boyfriend doesn't seem
to miss you all that much, especially if
you meet more than twice a week. He's
finding his "free time" a lot more
enjoyable.

But don't get mad if he does. Instead,
let him enjoy his free time. After all,
absence makes the heart grow fonder --
and he'll miss you more if he hasn't
seen you in three days than if you just
had a date yesterday!

Men's Secret #4 - He Secretly Doesn't
Want You To Do Better Than Him
Financially
Naturally, it's always a good thing to
advance your career or grow your
businesses, especially as the big "M"
word gets recited more and more in your
relationship.

But secretly, he likes it better if he
was making more money than you were.
It's a guy thing -- after all, it's been
Mother Nature's design that the males of
the species brought home the bacon,
while the females cooked it.

Now how would a guy feel if his
girlfriend both brought home the bacon
AND cooked it?

The best way to avoid this problem is to
NOT talk about your job, your
businesses, or your stock portfolio too
much. If you know you're making more
than he is, don't mention it.

Instead, try to encourage him to grow
his own career. Ask him constructive
questions, such as, "You've been working
hard lately. When's the promotion
coming?" or "I see you like fixing
things. Ever thought of turning that
into a little extra cash for yourself?"

Men's Secret #5 - He Loves You More As
Time Goes By.

Hard to believe, huh?

But seriously -- he DOES tend to love
you more and more as time goes by.
Several scientific studies have shown
this.

Here's the thing -- he just doesn't tell
you.

Which, of course, is a good thing. How
would you feel if he told you, "I love
you more today"? Naturally, you'll be
wondering, "Why? You mean you didn't
love me as much yesterday?"

Men know it's risky to tell you that
they love you more as time goes by. So
they don't say it.

The problem is that some women worry too
much about this. They worry that the
"loving feeling" may be slipping away.

Of course, the WORRY actually makes it
worse!

Whenever you worry, you cast a shadow of
gloom over the relationship. Even if you
don't tell him you're worried, he'll
sense it. And it'll make him feel
uncomfortable in the relationship.

So here's my tip -- get rid of the
worry. Focus on the positive sides of
the relationship. After all, whatever
you focus on GROWS!

source:Alexandra Fox

Putting on the former psychologist's hat here.  I agree with all 5, but number 4 is becoming far less common.

The BIGGEST one I saw in my counseling practice was number 1.  God help a guy who likes to do his "own thing" when he marries a woman who wants to go around joined at the hip!

So you beleive men would rather NOT have their woman all up under them constantly?

You know, i have dated and have had friends including my own daughter date men that won't let us out of their sight, it's like every 5 minutes.. ooop there he is with "what you doing" "where you going" "i need something" or the phone rings constantly.. so what is up with that?

yeah, Lips...I can't even get up to go pee at night without the third degree.  You would think after so many nights, so many times, he would not have to give me the "where ya going" "what are you doing" stuff.

#4? of course i want my partner to make more...less work for me but with the same amount of beer money

Doc, I'll put on my Einstien cap, just because I can't spell Frued, (Sigmund). Yes it's sad, when a gal believes she has to be joined at the hip with her man. But we must not forget, the male species, can be just as demanding, not wanting the poor gal to leave his eye sight. Finishing, then you'll have couples, where the two of them, just can't seem to get enough of each other. Here's the bottom line to this, and I believe you'll agree. We're human beigns, thats right, supposedly the most intelligent, strongest creature on the planet. Unfortunately, any good Doc will tell ya, we're flawed. These three issues I mentioned, are all fixable, some people can fix it on there own, others will need help. Years of help, unfortunately.
I believe we're all of at least average intelligence or better here in the forum, and I'm not sure why I wanted to put on the Einstien Cap, ( I pretty sure I have drain bamadge). I guess I probably went through a bit of this, way back 70's. Anyway it's called Co-Dependency, believe it or not. It's just as crippling as drugs, or alcohol, if left un-checked.

Anyway it's Halloween, Everybody have a good one, win lots of money, get lot's of Candy, etc.
                                      Rico

Imagine, yes there are plenty of clingy men. 

ricorizzo....good comments.  Yes, we are all different, and "healthy functioning" has many looks and styles to it.

You hit on the key point.  It is UNhealthy when it is codependency.  A husband and wife may be joined at the hip and YET remain very self- differentiated.  This would be rare, but it does occur.  I stand on my premise that most jointed-at-the-hip couples are codependent, however....and will probably raise kids who gravitate toward codpendent relationships.

Look at it this way.  A joined-at-the-hip couple have a daughter.  They are joined at the hip because they have "no life" appart from each other.  This will highly influence the daugter's life the same way = have no life and overly cling to another.  Now, do you REALLY want to be the guy who marries this woman?  And have these folks as inlaws?  If you do, "family management" will be very, very burdensome. 

Doc, we're on the same page. You being the pro, me being the one who lived through it. I'm sure you'll agree, we're all Co's anyway, to a certain extent. As long as we're aware of whats going on and it doesn't control us!
And hell no, I wouldn't want to be in any type of a hanging on relationship. It's truely a sad thing to witness, if we want to  talk as pros. lol

           
Have a great Halloween doc, n everyone
                        Rico

Ahhh...I remember the therapy days when I was practicing!  Wife swears up and down their relationship is WONDERFUL.  "We do everything together! My spouse is my best friend!  We never make a move without each other!  We are companions!" 

Husband confesses he plays along, feels sufficated, secretly downloads porn by the gigabit, and employs midget escorts when he is on business trips.

I seriously don't mind it, i'd like having a clingy man.. (it doesn't need to be overboarded though at least let us use the restroom alone) the thing is. is if they secretly DON'T want to be clingy or up under us constantly why do they do it? Are we as women doing something that compells them to do it?

I must have married a Klingon (cling-on).  For real, during the daylight hours I can't use the toilet without him waltzing in.  And if, God forbid, he gets out of the house ever, he calls me 5-6 times a day.  He's called twice while I was writing this!  Maybe I'd appreciate it more if....oh well, if I couldn't write a book about his bad behavior.  Make that a series of books! 

If I may, chilly, an Imagin.cal It's only a problem, when it affects both of you.( I'm sure your aware I'm speaking of you and your partner). If one wants to be the klingon, and the other doesn't mind, then theres no problem, simple.
Unfortunately, in the long run, other issues develope. However, I'm not saying this can or will happen to you too. Couples go all through their natural lives, happily married, kids, white picket fence, etc, lol with this issue, not coming into play.
If I may, I was the Klingon, years ago. I think about it today, I was miserable. I couldn't let the gal out of my site, If someone looked at her the wrong way, oh boy, the cops had to be called.
The only way, that type of a relationship can work, is if the gal can take charge, and run the show. this wasn't the case, for me and the whole thing dominoed.
See, it all gets back to fact we're humans, and where one person or a couple,  flop their mop a certain way, that doesn't mean the next person or couple, are going to flop their mop, the same way. Peace, luv, n spare change. this topic has tired me a bit, sorry

You're right ricorizzo.  I too used to be the klingon.  Now, though, it's like all I want is breathing room!  Jake and I don't have the best of relationships, and I also find he gets over things (flip-flops) in minutes and it takes me days.  So, for me it's hard letting him be all clingy and touchy-feely 3 minutes after he just did some horrible manly thing or another, doesn't work.  And he can't ever seem to just stay away from me long enough for me to get over the issues and cuddle.  I'm starting to hate that word, and that sucks, cuz I'd love to cuddle with a cuddle-able husband!  So I spend all my time pushing him away.  And it's only when he goes away that I start wanting him to be around.  Dumb, I know. 

There is only one thing I can think of where being connected at the hip is fun. Other than that, you do what you got to and I will do what I have to. We can't really do too much together anyways. With our daughter being special needs, one of us is has to be home. We do take the kids to the inlaws occasionally to get out together, but that is rarely. Our daughter's surgery is the 16th, so I won't be doing anything until she is healed.

wmmeden, My thoughts are with you, and your spouse. Just from your brief explanation of what issues, you and your family are up againist, it sounds as if the adults have there heads turned on right, remembering, what works for you, and your family, may or will not work for another! But if it doesn't work for another, thats allright.
Anyway, giving up is not in our vocabulary, enjoy your hip time, things get better, when we allow it too.

                                        Rico

@women: Most of us imo are actually loyal to women we think will treat us with dignity.  Keep in mind we (men) can't walk on water.  In fact we are more vunerable than we appear.  Men can easliy feel unwanted and the little accomplishments we make (or have made in the past) doesn't matter.  Even the worst of us want to *feel* like we've done some good.  We won't leave if our emotional needs are being met (and the not so shapely woman who greets us gingerly at the coffee shop won't be so appealing.
:)

the clingyness is okay, i am single but if i were in a relationship that had a clingy man from the start and he suddenly slowed it down or stopped i'd think something was wrong, is he cheating, is he interested in another woman, he was always around me like a bug-a-boo now he's making excuses to get away, problems might start (but that does depend on how clingy he was if it's just a little breathing room then it would be okay, but a drastic change might alarm me..)

the money part of it, IF and/or am i ever in a serious relationship, i'd hope that whoever makes the more amount of money would have the same idea as me, whatever there is, is an "ours" issue in the finance department, the money doesn't matter, now-a-days a woman can make more then the man, but i'd hope my man would be happy i do make good money rather then feel as though it was competition (my point it would never matter to me)

theres one thing that i do take serious.. and that he is secretly watching porn and/or reading girlie books, or have his jaw drop and eyes popping out when a pretty girl walks by switchin her booty, im gonna sock him in the jaw and two finger pop his eyes out!!! hmmph! ill be all the porn and girlie watchin he needs! if he ever in any way makes me feel as though they are my competition or in any way better then me, i will kick him OUT!!! he better make sure i am the beautiful one in his life and wants none other.. that when it comes to me there is NO comparison and NO competition!!! and yes in return i will make him feel like the king of his castle!!! a handsome knight prince on his steed!!

yes he can have his night out with the boys, but not too many of them..

am i too demanding?

Imagin........too demanding?  That depends on him.  If he REALLY likes it that way, then no problem!  If he is simply trying to satisfy your "high maintenance" demands, then.....well.....look out.  The breaking point will come.

Imagin.cal, the warning signs are all there. However as doc put it, you can go through your entire life, with no problem whatsoever! Just as long as you are honest, you both have your feet on the ground, and of course, each one is aware of what is expected of the other. Gool luck hun. the best.
                              Rico

Imagin..cal, I re-read your post, you might not be in a high risk zone, If you take a few things into consideration. When I say this, since you say your single at the present time, when your going over this, in your head, you have to answer for yourself, and your hypothetical .
I must make this simple for you. Ok, heres the scenerio, you find your guy, at first, the two of you are going to be a bit clingy. normal!!  side bar, normal is a word, that you don't want to get use to useing. serious!!
As time goes on, If you both are 100% sure that the relationship is solid, these clingy issues, the girl watching, etc. will not be a issue. trust me on this. Remember your not going to change him, he's not going to change you. However, as time goes by, if the relationship is solid, you both learn to give and take.
Remembering, your gonna want your little bit of eye candy too, (ex. maybe george clooney candy, I'm not sure, I don't chk. out the boys, lol)
Do me a favor, when you find your don't shake your fist at him and say, you better ever not look at another girl. if the relationship, is solid, this won't be an issue.
                                        Rico

Yeah, I have to wave a yellow flag.  Beware of a husband, or even a long time steady boyfriend, who is OVERLY compliant.  It could be a passive form a control.  Or, he may be growing resentful deep down inside over a period of time...this could lead to an "explosion."  Or, more often, it leads to him developing a secret life. 

I have lost track of the number of women (mostly wives) who very self confidently believe their "little hubby-wubby" on a leash wouldn't look at another woman, much less mess with one.  BUT....in actuality little-hubby-wubby is addicted to porn, is secretly gay, or is exploring a midget fetish, etc.

My gosh, how does little-hubby-wubby get away with it?  Easy....through his wife's delusion that they are both happily joined at the hip.

My professional advice to couples has always been:  Be close to each other, have fun together, do meaningful things together.  But, also have a part of your life that is your own, too.

Doc and RicoRizzo, how do you both feel about the comment and quote i have seen over and over again..

"There is no such thing as a no good woman, it's a no good man that makes her that way"

This goes both ways, does the woman make the man, does the man make the woman, what world do you beleive we live in, sometimes i tend to think it's whatever we are born with, but i also do beleive it's how we are brought up and how we live, a good man or man can get involved with a partner that can be no good for him/her and he/she can end up doing things she would never do (but you never really know this in the beginning of a relationship and sometimes it goes and gets to far) ~ as well as a bad woman or man can get involved with a good woman/man and his/her whole life can change.. do you beleive these things can happen even though we are our own individual person can another actually change us, from bad to good, good to bad? ..

this question is in general it applies to say he/she is a slob, he/she is a demanding person, he/she is outgoing and sporty, he/she is abusive and arrogant he/she is a drinker or non drinker.. can the partner actually change these ways.. good to bad, bad to good

Have you come across this type of experience in your field..?

You nailed it, actually, Imagine.  If someone is waiting for a man/woman to make them "good" then that is quite unhealthy.  You nailed it by refering to our upbringing.  Hopefully, our parents raised us to be loving, caring, and yet able to function independently and not dependent on someone else to "make me happy."

So, if a woman is with a "bad man" then she needs to get out.  And the best tools has has to get out were put in her proverbial toolbox in her upbringing.  If mom and dad were basically "no-selfs"  who were clingy to each other, then a woman will have a harder time pulling away from a bad man.

So, based on my experience in the practice, nothing good comes out of a woman being married to a "bad man."

If you want to ask more specific questions, just PM me.  I can tell from your writing you are a sharp woman....so, DONT PUT UP WITH ANY SH.... FROM ANY MAN!!!!

Doc's on the right page. that little quote you did, about a no good man, makes her that way, just throw that in the toilet, and flush it a couple times. You are in charge of yourself Imagin. Period. Don't let anyone tell you different.
About people getting caught up in unhealty relationships, and people changeing from good to bad, and it being a man vs woman issue, ( a 2 way street), certainly it happens, but the individual allows it to happen. I'm starting to get in another area unfortunately, because good and bad is to general. You have to define good and bad, as it pertains to you, and you only. Then it goes further back on how we we're raised, if the individual is even aware of the basic right and wrongs.
Soooo, reading your posts, it's obvious your of average intelligence or better. You know the the basic right and wrongs, it appears you might have allready gone through an unhealty relationship, and got out, or know someone whos close to you, that is having problems.
When a healthy individual, decides to travel down the wrong path, that individual is aware of whats happening, and it is a Co dependent issue. I know I mentioned this in one of my earlier posts. If left unchecked, it can be devastateing. The other side of the coin to this is, a healthy individual, that sees the situation there in starting to sour, will take action to make sure there own interest, (well being) are not compromized.
Hope this helps
                      Rico

  The Clingy man I am not.  If i am calling my girlfriend asking what she is doing every five minutes that usualy means that either 1. I am hoping that she is making food because I am hungry..  2. I am bored and need something to do(Yes bugging my girlfriend is still funner than nothing) 3. I am waiting for something to happen, such as a package comming in or her to decide that she is horny too!! (just kidding.. mostly)

  What it comes down to is people don't change their basic traits, In the event that one does change it is either over years, or more often there is a single event that dramaticly altered their outlook on life.  That is not to say that there are not deviations from how they would normally act, but in the end deviations are just that, temporary.  Cheaters know what they get away with and how, so they tend to jump on what would be something that you should be watching for in their behavior to catch them.  People that have been cheated on are usually less bold but more angry when they think they see a sign..  We are shaped by our personal histories anyone that says different is a lyer!

All three of you men are absolutely FABULOUS with your answers, you all seem to have had and done the experience or have in some way researched it, i have had some bad relationships, but also some very good ones that still didn't work out for me, either way knowing the signs is a definate way to a healthy relationship. You hit the nail yourself Rico, yes someone close to me is having a hard time and at this moment is separated with the man begging her forgiveness and she is in no way giving in, there is a child involved in thier relationship so it's been difficult but this here with Doc, Rico and Jako, she is getting the sense that their is some goodness out there, men with heads on their shoulders, loving sincere caring men (she was here reading the postings) her relationship started out good 3 years together, but just the past year he just started with "im the man in this relationship" BUT in a way that was overpowering (meaning his strength in muscle) if you know what i mean allowing her kept in the dark under his teachings of the haps in this world (total control, it's MY way and thats that, not sensitive to her own needs and it was done in any way (badly) acheived).. it's been awful for her, i'm helping her she is staying with me.. now he's a man from demanding, physically overpowering thinking he knows it all kind of guy to a down on his knees begging to come back looking like an idiot, it's so bad it's making her sick, i could go on and on, but she won't break down, nor will she go back to it, she's seeing the light.. but do you think with her here with me seeing theres better out there a good or bad thing?

Imagin.......well, I feel for what you are going through. But, I can tell from your posts, you are a decent, smart woman.  And good hearted, too!

Don't waste your time on bums.  You are FAR better off enjoying the single life for a few years than attaching to a bum.

Rico and I are there for you!  (Hmmmm......Say, Rico, want to invite Imagin to Atlantic City for a few days of "forget the bum therapy?"  I suspect we'd take goooooood care of her)

Imagin...apparently doc might of had a cocktail or 2, to many. He was in another area, ( however the Atlantic city idea isn't a bad idea, lol). To answer your question, about better people being out there, let me suggest, this. Your obviously a true friend to this individual whos going through this. Let her make a post, a good honest post. I suggest you use the PM service, but it's up to you. I'll reply.
                            Rico

Well, i myself WAS going through some things, but not like hers, mine was in the field of trying to make an old love affair new again, (broke up on bad terms the first time (several times lol) i absolutely truely loved and cared for this man, tried to make ammends with each other, things got worse, i gave up and walked away, more like i was being very taken advantage of) did my best and tried my best and with all my heart i wanted it to happen, ended up in a relationship worse then it was and with a broken heart, so i'll never try and do something like that again.. well i could say he was the wrong type of man to do something like that with, i just didn't want to give up on a long standing relationship.. ended up it was best we go our seperate ways

but hers.. thats a whole nother ball game, she's doing fine, i can see if i can get her to type something, she's just not really into pc's to much forums, online chats, those kind of things but she reads alot of the threads here theres quite a few other threads that have good stuff in them, the LCB family memebers have told their stories and their haps along with their own experiences alot of goodness and advice.. its kind of you don't feel so alone with your problems

Imagin....OK, sorry I wasn't attempting to make your situation smaller, or  brushing it aside. From your posts, I feel like your clearly on the mend, while your friend is living through this. I wish you both success with your issues, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask.
                                Rico

Imagin....and just remember, a wild, frivolous weekend in A.C. with The Mind Doc would be better than 100 therapy sessions

lololol, mind doc

oh mind doc, lolol

Doc, i absolutely beleive that too, just to get away from it all, would be worth 100 sessions, and i don't doubt for one sec you can show a woman a good time too, Atlantic City, never been there but when i hear it it sounds glamourous and exciting!