Need some advice. No joking, please..
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- last active 4 months ago
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- Have not been around in a while, been having relationship problems, and thought I would ask for a little advice here.. Here goes nothing..
We had been arguing a good bit in the past, split up a time or two, but always ended up talking things out. Well, here in the last month she has been acting odd like, whenever she gets some free time she tells me, "I'm coming over to stay the night, and we can talk". Every single time she has told me this, shes never showed up, and I never hear anything from her until the next day. This is when she swears up and down she loves me, didn't do anything, but either fell asleep or just couldn't make it over. The first time or two of this I managed to handle, and look past it. Well tonight she told me the same thing, "I promise I am coming over". Well when she hasn't showed I couldn't just let it go anymore so I messaged her, no response, messaged again, and again with no response. I called her, no answer, called again again and again with no answer. Come tomorrow she will hand me the same old thing, and I really didn't believe it the first time, and don't now. What should I do or say to let her know I'm fed up, and tired of the BS? Please help
No. No games, which is what she's playing with you. You need to leave her behind & find someone who values you & your time; or get her in line & keep her that way - which I doubt will ever happen.
- Replied by
- at May 03, 2012, 05:55:12
- last active 4 months ago
My hunch is she's seeing someone else & stringing you along as "backup" if the new guy fails. You don't need that.
If I were you, I'd go about my day tomorrow and make sure I do something that makes me happy. Don't call her and don't answer the phone if she calls you, at least not the first few times. Then, if you choose to answer, act nonchalant - maybe as if you forgot she was supposed to come over. Don't let her make plans with you.
Actually, if I were you, I'd just tell her to go to hell & go find someone fun!
- Jacob, all relationships do have their ups and downs, but this one is starting to sound like all downs... I wonder if you have done something... like stand her up once, or said something in one of your talks that hurt her... not to say that if you did you deserve her current treatment of you... just wondering if she may feel she is paying you back for whatever slight may have happened from her point of view. It makes very little sense for her to keep saying she is coming over and then not showing up when I am sure she knows this is hurting and confusing you. That is unless it is payback in her mind.
That said, if that is what she is up to, then it seems pretty darn immature and she just may not be ready for a real relationship. And how about you? Are you ready for this... is she the ONE... or is she just the one right now? Maybe it's time for you to evaluate what it is you want out of this particular relationship. And decide if what you are getting fits into that desire. These answers should tell you what to do. Whatever you decide, you should still not keep letting her play this game with you...
Perhaps the next time she says she is coming over, fully expecting you to say yes and to wait patiently for her to come... you could turn the tables and say no, tonight is not convenient, or I have other plans, or I have company coming over, or waiting for you again is not on my calendar. And if she does show up, either don't answer the door or just not let her stay. You do need to let her know that you are not her patsy and she needs to respect your feelings.
- Jacob, I'm sorry your having to go through this. relationship problems can really slow you down, make you feel isolated or even lost.. i don't know your woman nor what you and her have had so good in the past..you're a good guy to have put up with what you described.. the best advice is since she already gives you reasons for not coming is to make yourself unavailable, uninterested, flat out say no don't come over, if she has any kind of feeling for you she will realize whats she's been doing, how she's been hurting you and own up, start showing concern with her promises.. or in the worst case scenario she doesn't want to be the bringer of bad news, like say a break-up and would rather make it so you do it.. either way it's a delicate and difficult situation to be in especially if you have strong feelings for her.. but try not to think the worst, sometimes the worst is what we think but yet the best is what we receive,, you'll have to go as far as your heart will allow, i know no one can tell you exactly what to do but to only have your best interest adviced..
Good Luck Jacob, i hope all turns out for the better,,
- Sorry you're having such a tough time of It Jacob. It sounds as though she want's to stop you going out and meeting someone new by telling you she will be over. Her reasons for not wanting you to go out to meet someone else could be that she has met someone else herself and wants to know if this other relationship goes wrong, you will be there waiting for her.......
Don't put up with it. Don't waste another day waiting for this person who will never show on your doorstep. Next time she rings and tells you she is coming over, tell her to come over by all means but also tell her you won't be there when she arrives.
Alternatively, just don't give her another chance - break it up now before this drags you down.
- Hi Jacob,
Sounds like you got some wonderful advice and it's pretty unanimous that moving on is the best way to go. It can be very hard to let go when your heart is broken and sometimes can seem easier said than done.
By her promising to come over and breaking that promise almost seems deliberate to give you the hint.
We can all give wonderful advice and deep inside you know the best thing to do is just let her go. Sometimes we don't realize what we have til it's gone that may be the wake up call she needs.
- Talking from a men's perspective you need to regain the power. Whether we want to admit it or not, every relationship is a battle of sexes and battle for power ( in one way or another ).
If there is a "healthy" relationship then that power is pretty much equally distributed.
In your case your gf has the control and shes obviously abusing it ( might be the harsh word but you get the point ). In her eyes you are always available, so it means she's not necessarily cheating on you, but rather knowing you always gonna be at her disposal.
If she is just acting irresponsible then you should definitely talk to her and if things don't change then she has to feel it on her own skin. This doesnt mean you are to play games now, but when the talk dont walk, then making her feel the way you do is the only way she is going to understand what you are going through.
However if you suspect the cheat, then your trust in this relationship is shaken big time and you are left only with two options. To confront her or to break up.
- Hi Jacob,
This has got to be so stressful for you. If it were me, I would have to get out what I'm feeling one way or the other. The waiting would kill me. I'd be over at her house getting it all out in the open. If you wait for her to show up you may be waiting a long long time to resolve this. Definitely no games. You need to go to her if she won't come to you.
Something is not right here and you're not getting the love you deserve. People treat us badly only if we allow them to.
- Jacob,I do not know how long you have been seeing eachother but something is definately not right.
Is there any chance she could be using drugs and this is causing her erractic behavior?
It could also be that she is seeing someone else as stated above and keeping you for a backup.
I agree it's time for a confrontation...a talk and if she doesn't have the time than it's time to leave the girl alone and find someone worthy of you!
Ending a relationship is NEVER easy but being used and mentally abused does not make for a good relationship either.
Good luck Jacob in however you decide to handle this.
- As much as I could see, there is a clear patter in your relationship; you two argue then talk things through or you two split up and then you are together again. She feels comfortable in this kind of a relationship but it's good thing that you are starting to be bothered with it. Any relationship should be build up on healthy foundations and not on our pathologies.
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