Online Chemistry/ Laws of Attraction

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Last post made 14 years ago by Shelli
acgofer
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  • This is a topic I got into with a friend.

    Is pure online chemistry between two strangers possible?

    * These 2 strangers have never met, never heard each other's voices, never smelled the other's pheromones. All they've got is a photo and a keyboard, like a dating site, or an instant messenger service.

    My opinion......absolutely 100% it is possible.

    I'm curious to hear what the majority of your opinions on this subject is. Has anyone ever felt that "spark" stricly from an online correspondance with someone? Or do you think it's all non-sense?

    Here is a detailed definition of Romantic Chemistry, I found on a web site:

    "Romantic Chemistry" Detailed Definition
    In psychology, the word "chemistry" is used when referencing natural mutual rapport between two or more people. When two people have "chemistry" they effortlessly feel a natural connection with each other, even if they've just met. The term "romantic chemistry" refers to a natural mutual romantic attraction between two people which results from a mixture of physical attraction and natural mutual personality-based rapport.

    A relationship must meet three criteria to qualify as having true "romantic chemistry":

    * Mutual - One sided attraction is simply "attraction", "infatuation" or maybe even "lust." Once any of those terms become what both sides are feeling for each other then it is mutual and satisfies one requirement of "romantic chemistry."

    * Effortless - "Learning to love someone" isn't generally referred to as "romantic chemistry." The whole idea is that there's an effortless connection, a natural rapport between people which earns the special moniker. Two people who feel like old friends, even though they've just met, qualify as feeling this natural, effortless connection.

    * Sexual - "Romantic chemistry" without sexual attraction is merely "chemistry" or friendship. When two people feel "romantic chemistry" they not only feel naturally like old friends, but they also feel a sexual attraction to each other. The term "sexual chemistry" is used when referring only to the sexual component of romantic chemistry.




    So, what are your thoughts?

  • Hi ac,

    Without a shadow of a doubt! I am absolutely certain its possible. Talking to someone online does not give you the "real time" experience of touching the person that is so vital in any relationship. But there is definite qualities to online relationships that might not be quite as prevalent in real time.

    The reason i say this, is the written word is very powerful. Chatting with someone online forces communication much more than in person where there is outside distractions and pauses in conversation. Online chatting does not allow lagging!!! Lag in a convo on line and your quickly reprimanded for it!

    Also i think there is a tendency to speak more candidly about personal feelings and events in your life online because there is that shield of protection between the two of you. I think that online dating moves alot quicker than in person dating because we tend to open up more. Feelings are more easily expressed, where as in person we might tend to hold back and play the "stand off" game.

    There is restrictions in online dating, therefore there is no time nor room for holding back or playing games. I think when you finally do get to meet them in person it is more powerful than any first time meeting in person.

    Now, im speaking from a point of view of genuine honest relationships here. There is of course online relationships that in the end are not sincere nor real at all.

    All i can say in my personal experience........i have made some of the best friends of my life. I have shared more.....opened up more than i have with many in real time.

    Maybe im a dreamer.......maybe i am too trusting at times....but all i do know is those i have developed close ties with....its real....its very real.

    Lips
  • i would say a lot, but it has all been said by the two of you ^^

  • i met my wife online...:D


  • ***Lips***
    I don't think I could have said it better!!! Well written. About 10 years ago, I met someone online- total undeniable attraction. He was a tall, built, UFC fighter, gorgeous. I lived in NJ at the time, he- in Mississippi.
    We chatted online for 3-4 months, then on the phone maybe 5 times... and I was going to drive to TX to visit family. Instead, I flew into Biloxi, MS,  got off the plane sooooooo nervous yet excited, and the moment our eyes met, it was the biggest "BAM!" - like a movie, he grabbed me, hugged, picked up and twirled around. It was so surreal. I stayed with him for 3 straight days, rented a car to drive to TX, Cried every mile of the way, missing him. Then guess what happened?..............................................
    He moved to Ireland 3 days later. He was married.
    Although I do believe online chemistry is real, and entirely possible, that heartbreaking experience helped keep my guard up for years after.

    So, although it doesn't always work out, sometimes it's worth the risk.

    Chemistry is very powerful  & can have a magical affect on your emotions.
  • i had  a sexual affair once, through a pokerroom chat (the old interpoker, where it was just play money)
    turned out we were both in holland, and we fell in love with eachothers picture/avatar ( both cute kittens:P)
    so i started fooliing around, and we actually had  a great, then deep, and later seually tainted conversation...
    since i was  about to take off to switzerland for  a season-job, i felt the urge to meet her,
    she came driving all across the country to meet up o.o
    (in holland thats  max 3 hours drive )
    RAAAAAWR that was a great long night.
    and guess what?
    she had  a long relationship too!
    lol, not that i really did mind, but she did feel guilty afterwards, later, she told me she had fessed up, and that they were still together...


    also look at this forum!
    i feel like i have made some friends already, so yes its sooooooooo possible, denying that would be ...
    silly?

  • I think it is possible... Where oh WHERE are you Mr. Right??????LOL


  • I think it is possible... Where oh WHERE are you Mr. Right??????LOL


    debo....
    looking at your avatar, my chemistry senses tell me your mister right has an avatar of a nice little sailboat. lol.
    You'll find Mr. Right....but don't waste your life waiting, give Mr. Right Now a chance! smiley
  • It is possible, but unfortunately a lot of people on line are living a lie.  Since my first "on line" friendships developed from playing spades on yahoo almost 10 years ago and everyone there seems to lie.  At one point I had over 500 people on my messenger and I probably caught 80% in their own little lies. lol  

    I do have 11 very good friends that I met through spades and 6 of them I have met in person.  One of them is my best friend Olivia.  She lives in Indiana and I live in California.  We talk everyday, sometimes more than once.  She has flown out here 4 times and we met up in Vegas last year.  I love her and would do ANYTHING for her.

    My friend Jamie met her man on line about 2 years ago.  She was in the Virgin Islands and Howie was in Los Angeles.  They both had significant others and new it, but when we were playing spades they were "a couple" like it was an entire different world.  They finally met in person about 6 months ago and a few weeks after they "met" she packed her stuff, her 2 sons and met him in Tennessee (I think) and they are SO HAPPY it almost makes me sick!! hehe

    Kind of odd that when I started this reply it was about the fact that everyone on line lies, be careful, you can't trust anyone, blah blah blah.......

    But I just realized I would gladly listen to thousands of lies if it meant I might find someone like Olivia. ;-)


  • great stories so far^^
    seems "on-life" has its pro's  grin

  • Acgofer- You are absolutely right!! Now-where is that sailboat?-LMAO

  • I mixed feelings on this....yes it's possible to connect, but is that connect real? I've recently met a few people from online and the ones I have met in the last few weeks, well how do I say this....FAKE!! Some people are just soo easy to talk to online , but then you meet in person and it's a whole night of akward silence....what happened to the chatter box!?? Or you can get along great online, then you meet and you can't agree on a single thing and spend the whole night arguing with a complete stranger! BUT, on the other hand I have met some wonderful people online too.......

  • I am telling everyone from experiance- Do NOT trust anyone you cannot see face to face on a date!

  • ok....blonde question.....

    How can you not see them on a date?

    huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh


  • ok....blonde question.....

    How can you not see them on a date?

    huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh




    hahaha!

    maybe if your really blind?
    or if the guy/girl shows up in mardigrass outfit?
  • I am glad you caught my sense of humor-lol

  • In my 30s I did a fair amount of dating online......eh, it was okay.  A lot of the hard "falls" online crashed with reality when I met them in person.  Plus, I was not looking for a life-time of love, fullfilment and commitment.  I was looking for a shallow half hour.

    I did several research papers back when I was practicing psychology about online dating, etc.  While some happy stories exist, online dating is a rather messy activity.  Hmmmm...just like real life dating! Haha!

  • lol, I tell my husband all the time that if we ever get divorced, I'm done with "Love" & my next husband will be very old, very rich, and very sick! I say I'm going to find him at sugardaddyforme.com hahaha

    Yes its a real site and NO I never even looked on it!!

  • I don't think that this applies only to romantic relationships either. Bonds and close ties develop in friendships too. Here at this forum is a perfect example. There are the regulars who come here everyday. There is a sense of attachment to many members.

    I know in reality i may never get the opportunity to meet some of you, but i do know that regardless of that, online acquaintances are still very important.

    I know i am not alone when i say we miss members if they are gone for too long. We dedicate threads too these members. It is in so many ways a family that we become close to. When a member leaves and returns we all leap for joy that they have returned......and i think that's genuine.

    Lips
  • I've met someone online about 8 years ago..actually a casino rep...we almost spend 24 hours talking online and phone..unreal..it was so perfect. I finally decided to meet him in Vegas and was totally shocked. The whole image..6 feet tall, blond, 185, was 5'4, no hair, 280. I thought that how well I got to know him online, it would not matter how he looked,,,but he was a stranger to me in person and I could not connect anymore.
    If he only would not have lied to me about who he was, I may have given him a chance because I got to know him so well. But after that lie all I thought off, what else did he lie about.

  • Hi Laguna,

    What amazes me is he proceeded to go ahead and meet you. Wasn't he nervous knowing he lied? Even if he would of fessed up before the actually meeting took place would of helped.

    I don't put a lot of stock in looks once i really get to know the person. Of course i am not going to lie and say looks are not a nice bonus. You make a valid point in saying if he had told the truth from the get go you just might have given him a chance.

    I think the real connection to online is how we relate. Some people we talk to there is just an instant click. As we get to know the person more, what draws us in is the person inside.

    There is definitely heartache and sorrow with online romances when they don't pan out. I think in today's times with all the dating services available i hear more and more couples who are meeting online and are very happy.

    Lips

  • I am telling everyone from experiance- Do NOT trust anyone you cannot see face to face on a date!


    LOL deb!!!

    Olivia and I say "None of this is real until I see your face"  That has become our "slogan" because SO MANY times someone say's they want to meet, just for the sake of meeting.  As soon as Olivia says - "tell us when and where and I'll book the flights" suddenly that person isn't online for a while or will have a whole bunch of excuses why we all can't meet! lol

    P. S.    I am letting EVERYONE know that I will be in Indianapolis the end of June for a few weeks and I plan on meeting as many members as I can!  Tony is on the list, Pam and Lips I know you guys are pretty close too!!!! hehe
  • Ive met plenty people online, and my girlfriend im with now, been together over a year, but I have had a bad experience or 2.  laugh_out_loud!!

  • Well i know me and tony had an experience when we were both asked to meet someone here at our forum. I won't mention any names but he was persistent in wanting to meet us.

    Tony and i agreed and thought it would be great fun. We booked our room and once everything was in place me and tony head out to meet this person and guess what?

    He fell of the face of the earth!! Not only did he not show up but he never returned to the forum or corresponded with us again! What was amazing is this guy was the one who suggested it!

    Sad..............

    Lips
  • LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    Jacob, I have soooooo many "bad experience" stories.  Fortunatly I personally have only had ONE bad experience.  You can read about it HERE a post from last year. lol

    But I think the absolute WORST was when I was one of 10 mods at a spades league.  We were all "friends" and a few of them I would talk to on a regular basis.  Kirk & Tina (they lived together) and Elena.  One day Elena tells me she REALLY liked Kirk, he REALLY liked her and that he wanted to leave Tina, blah, blah, blah.  About a month later Kirk and I got into it over a member that he banned and Elena took his side, so I quit the league.  WELLLLL a few months go by and Elena calls me all upset.

    Come to find out, Kirk was really KATHY!!!!!!!  laugh_out_loud  I couldn't believe it, because I had talked to him/her on the phone a hundred times and had no idea!

    I just had to share that story!!! Cuz I laugh about it still to this day!!!!!

    Shelli

  • Hey Lips,

    They are probably still here just lurking around with a different name!!

    Sooooooooooo I guess I see u in June hun!!!!!! hehe   wink

  • As long as you promise not to bail out........wink!!! It's about a 3 hour drive from where i am at i am sure ton is game too! Btw you will love tony in person......he is as adorable here on the forum as he is in person!!

    Lips
  • HEHE!!!  I can't wait.  She has been wanting me to go out there, but I HATE the cold!!  She actually works one of the weeks I am out there so I am going VISITING!! hehe 

    Another good friend of mine is in Chicago too.  I think the WEST side. (I am sure the bad part of town!! lol)

  • Years ago, I found someone online...a very nice, kind, professional woman.  But, turned out she was a "cutter."  When I found that out I ran like hell.

  • met my girlfriend online, 15 months so far..... (:

  • Yes it is definitely possible and I love what Lips wrote-The reason i say this, is the written word is very powerful. Chatting with someone online forces communication much more than in person where there is outside distractions and pauses in conversation. Online chatting does not allow lagging!!! Lag in a convo on line and your quickly reprimanded for it!->Lips, you said everything I wanna say...lol
    I believe that it doesn't matter you either meet the person at online or outside,it's all depends on who you meet with that's what really counts. A person is a person, good or bad no matter where you go they are who they are and everywhere...
    Just because you meet a person in face doesn't really mean you both are sincere and true to every words...how can you truly know the depth of the deep ocean?...It not the place where you meet someone but it is someone who you meet...
    Sometimes I don't even know what's really going on with my own daughter's head... and I live with her!!! tongue tongue tongue
    I just love what everyone said in this thread...see? I feel like I already know you all even though I haven't met any of you yet!!!!!! cheesy but your thoughts and personalities surely show well enough for someone like me to get to know you without seeing in face... cheesy---------geez...I almost wrote a novel!!!
    Anyway, I just found out that Lips and Tony are together from this thread and I am really happy for you both. You make the best picture of the best couple together!!!
    Tony better take good care of Lips...otherwise, he will pay the high price by me... (am not kidding) tongue tongue tongue

  • Hi wnanhee!

    Although i love tonster dearly we are not dating or romantically involved!!!! Let me clear that up before the REAL romance in my life goes completely off the deep end!! I do have to say he is one of my best friends. We argue and bicker like brother and sisters! I think that is the strong component with our friendship. At the end of day, we know we have a friendship that can never be shattered or broken. Thats hard to find in real time!

    Thank you for your kind words in your post and i could not agree with you more or have said it better myself. To be honest there moments in replying to this post where you actually came to my mind! Like when you left and came back.....i was elated!

    Your written word is always so kind and thoughtful. You are among the members that i feel like i know very well. You write from your heart and it shows.

    You make such a valid point in saying  even in person we are still faced with people who are not honest. We are faced with people we may never truly know or understand! But just here at our forum alone gives a good sense of who we are. The written word of expression and our feelings don't lie. There is where lays the  hidden truth of our essence.

    Lips
  • O...my....(shame,shame,shame embarrassed) my goodness!!!!!! I am so sorry,Lips and Tony...I mis understood real bad...my apology!!!-please forgive me!!! kiss I just got over excited to think you and Tony, two people I like so much together as a couple...without really thinking...ha ha ha!
    Lips..."You are one of a kind!"
    To be honest, I almost cried when I read your post...you really made me feel special and blessed to know someone like you as a friend who is not only so wise but has a full of heart that touches many people. Like I said before, I think you should be a writer!
    I am very fortunate to found people like you and Blue... You have a wonderful ability
    To know when to offer advice And when to sit in quiet support
    You are a person who I can turn to when my spirits need a lift...and sometimes You crack me up with laughter and  touch my heart with your kindness just like now. I know you will always be there whenever I need a good laugh through my routine days...once again, you really are one of kind!!! kiss

  • topic of the year!
    :p

    how nice...
    feels like summer is already there with all this love and warmth ^^

    kiss  to all here

  • LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  I don't know how I missed the "Tony & Lips" part of this thread!  Too cute!  But ummmmmm... wnanhee.. Don't u know Tony is my man!! hehe

  • This thread has stirred up alot of secret admirers!!!! Shelli girl you work it!!! If i recall...........i think you still have his cell number. Aren't you the giggler? Lmaoooooooooooooooooooo!!!! 

    Lips
  • LOL!!!!  You know it!  I called him the other day and he said, "who is this?" a few times!!!  laugh_out_loud  I wasn't giggling too much this time though!  hehe    grin

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