St Patrick Day is almost here...you know I love jokes and history.....

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      St Patrick - the story

      St Patrick was born a Briton under Roman rule - the exact location of his birthplace isn't known but it was either the north of England or southern Scotland.

      In his teens he was kidnapped and brought to Ireland as a slave by Niall of the Nine Hostages, a famous king of Ireland whose son Laoghaire was later to play a large part in Patrick's mission to convert Ireland to Christianity.

      Patrick was taken to Antrim where he was sold to a local landowner, Meliuc, who put him to work as a shepherd.

      For six long years Patrick lived upon the Slemish mountain with only his sheep for company. The land was bleak and the conditions harsh but Patrick found solace in the faith that his people had abandoned under Roman rule. He prayed day and night to the Christian God who brought him comfort during this time.

      One night he heard a voice calling to him, telling him that the time had come to escape. It told him, "See, your ship is ready." Patrick knew that he had to travel south to seek the ship God had told him of. He travelled for 200 miles until he came to Wexford where, sure enough, a boat heading for Britain was waiting.

      Patrick approached the captain, who at first denied him passage. He turned away, praying for God's guidance. Before he finished the prayer he heard a member of the crew calling to him to come with them - they had changed their mind and could provide him with safe passage home.

      Patrick did not seem destined to have an easy life - when travelling home through Britain he was captured by a band of brigands, who returned him to slavery. Desperate, Patrick heard God's voice reassuring him that, "Two months will you be with them."

      Sure enough, after sixty days in their company, God delivered him from their hands. Patrick then spent seven years travelling throughout Europe trying to determine what his purpose on earth was. Eventually he came to the conclusion that he should study to become a true servant of God, taking his message throughout the world.

      He first studied at the Lerin Monastery, situated on an island off the Cote d' Azur. On completing his studies he returned to Britain as a priest. He remained in Britain until a voice came to him in a dream. He recognised it as the voice of the Irish, which begged him, "We beseech thee, holy youth, to come and walk once more amongst us." At this point, Patrick's purpose in life was revealed to him - he would convert the Irish to Christianity.
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      A good laugh always helps, and more so when it is celebration time. On the eve of St. Patrick's Day, enjoy-n-forward these Irish jokes, for jokes are for sharing. Enjoy your St. Patrick's day with these Irish Jokes.
      amp; :'$
      Mick and Paddy were walking in Covent Garden in London. It was their first week in the capital and they were a bit naïve.
      'Lord above Paddy, this is a great city,' says Mick.
      'Why's that Mick?' responds Paddy.

      'Well, to be sure,' explains Mick, 'where else in the world would a complete stranger come up to you, make idle chat, invite you to dinner and then offer you to spend the night at their house?'

      'Begorrah, ' splutters Paddy, 'did that happen to you?'
      'No,' says Mick, 'but it happens to my beautiful sister all the time.'


      A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in Davy Byrne's pub in Grafton Street, Dublin, when, O'Leary, an irate Irishman stands up shouting, 'You're making out we're all dumb and stupid. I oughtta punch you in the nose.'
      'I'm sorry sir, I...........'

      'Not you,' says O'Leary, 'I'm talking to that little fella on your knee.'


      Two Irish mothers, Kate and Lorna were talking about their sons.
      Kate says, 'My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years.'

      Lorna responds, 'Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time.'

      'My word,' says Kate, 'You must be so proud.'

      'I am,' announces Lorna, 'And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party.'


      Kieran O'Connor always slept with his gun under his pillow. Hearing a noise at the foot of the bed, he shot off his big toe.
      'Thank the Lord I wasn't sleeping at the other end of the bed,' Kieran said to his friends in Donegal's pub. 'I would have blown my head off.'


      Donncha and MacArthur are preparing to be blasted into space and have just left the mission briefing when one turns to the other and says, 'Mac, where are we goin?'
      MacArthur replies, 'Well Donncha, the man in charge said we are on a mission to the sun.'

      'OK,' says Donncha, he thinks for a while and then asks, 'Won't it be a bit hot, it being the sun and all?'

      'Don't be stupid, Donncha,' says MacArthur, 'the man said we'd be going at night.'


      A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in Davy Byrne's pub in Grafton Street, Dublin, when, O'Leary, an irate Irishman stands up shouting, 'You're making out we're all dumb and stupid. I oughtta punch you in the nose.'
      'I'm sorry sir, I...........'

      'Not you,' says O'Leary, 'I'm talking to that little fella on your knee.'


      Paddy Was driving his lorry when he saw a bridge with a sign saying 10 foot max. headroom. He slowed down wondering if he could drive under it or not , 'A shure I'll give it a go, he thought only to find that his lorry got stuck underneath it.
      Paddy sat back in his seat, poured out a cup of tea and lit a cigarette. A policeman arrived a short time later and knocked on the cab door which Paddy then opened, 'what do you think you are doing? asked the policeman in a sharp tone, 'Sure I'm having me tea break, replied Paddy, 'And what do you work at? asked the policeman, 'Agh shure I deliver bridges,! smiled
      Paddy!
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      An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
      The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.

      'It was in honour of St. Patrick's Day, 'he smiled.

      'I gave you a sham rock.'


      O'Malley was leaving his favourite bar when he was run over by a bus. He gets to the gates of heaven and St. Peter tells him he cannot enter unless he passes a test. What choice did he have, O'Malley agrees to try as he never was the brightest bulb in the box.
      St. Peter decides to go easy on him, 'What has 5 fingers and is made of black leather?' he asks. O'Malley scratches his head, thinks hard and finally gives up. 'It's a glove says St. Peter.'

      Let's try again. 'What has 10 fingers and is made of black leather?' asks St. Peter. O'Malley is clearly stumped. After a few minutes of pacing in a circle and scratching his head, O'Malley gives up. 'Why it's 2 gloves - don't you see 10 fingers, black leather, says St. Peter amazed.' Being in a generous mood, St. Peter decides to give O'Malley yet another chance but thinking of an even easier question.

      'Who is the patron Saint of Ireland?' asks St. Peter, thinking he can't miss this.
      'It wouldn't be 3-gloves, would it?' says O'Malley.


      Two Irishmen had just won $5000,000 in a lottery. Having a pint in a pub Tim say to Sean, what about all them beggin letters, Sean replies, we'll just keep sending them.

      The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!

      'I had an accident opening a can of alphabeti spaghetti this morning,' said Murphy.
      'Were you injured?' inquired Seamus.

      'No, but it could have spelled disaster,' concluded Murphy.


      A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World drinking beer and conversin' with the barkeep. Another comes in and sits besides him. He says how you do and hears the lilt and says you be Irish? Yes I am. The first man yells barkeep give us another round and one for my friend here he's from the mother country as well. The second man asks-so where in the old country ye from. Dublin responds the first. Dublin you say - so am I and the second man hollers barkeep bring us another round and a shot of your best Irish Whiskey for me and my friend here. Afterwards the first man asks from where in Dublin and the second man responds with the street and the first man says well I'll be - so am I and yells barkeep another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for the pair of us. The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeep answers it. The owner of the pub asks - how is business. The barkeep responds - not too bad - The O'Malley twins are here getting drunk again.
      More St. Patrick's Day Jokes
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      THe Black Irish, this is an awesome movie., you can watch it free! :'$


      &list=UUlcDlQ8_DmjpSXcyne0hlvA&index=15&feature=plcp

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      A brief comparison of the discrimination between the Irish-Americans and the African-Americans in the United States.


      African-American Discrimination vs Irish-American Discrimination


      Irish-Americans were a group not familiar to most people. They migrated from Ireland to the United States because of a problem that they faced in their own country. It was a potato famine, and this famine, also known as the Great Famine, caused many Irish to starve. It was said to be caused by a airborne fungus that made the potato plants rot (Gavin). This forced the Irish to find new places to get jobs and feed themselves, otherwise they would die. So they decided to migrate to the United States. African-Americans on the other hand, were forced to be in the United States because of something that happened a long time ago. European colonies needed labor forces to manage themselves, so they got many slaves from Africa and shipped them to the colonies which were located in areas like modern day Latin America, as well as the United States (Stevenson). They have been there ever since. Both, while in the United States, faced oppression. This oppression was similar and different and can be best looked it in three different factors.
      Both groups faced problems because of their stereotypes. A stereotypical Irish person was said to be dirty, lazy and stupid. Also part of the stereotype was that they were all Catholic (Patterson, Reddit). These suspicions arose due to how the Irish came into the American society. Since they were out of their jobs, they needed new ones, and Americans saw this as stealing their jobs. Americans probably believed this because they wanted reasons to be angry at the Irish. Saying they were lazy justifies criticizing them for stealing their jobs, and saying they are stupid gives them a sense of superiority. A stereotypical African-American person was said to be lazy, ignorant, and also dirty. These stereotypes came to be due to the African-Americans being former slaves. Since they worked like slaves even then, it was common for someone to think of them as lazy, if they weren't working as hard as a slave was. Because of their skin color, there came a misconception that they were dirty. Both groups faced negative stereotypes. They caused them to have harder times getting jobs. They caused people to try and stay away from them. But the Irish were in worse shape than the African-Americans. At least the African-Americans had jobs that they were believed to be made for. Jobs such as farming, and cooking, and cleaning (Lee, 190). The Irish on the other hand weren't expected to do things like this. People saw the African-Americans as slaves, and therefore tried to keep them alive. The Irish were not treated the same, they were treated as intruders, and Americans did not want to incorporate them into their way of life as they did to the African-Americans.
      Another factor in the oppression of both groups was religion. Most Irish were Catholic, which was a problems since most Americans were Protestant. The two religious groups have a violent past, and this as well as many other factors caused much strife between the two groups in the United States. An example of this was in 1831 when the Catholics in the United States burned down St. Mary's Church in New York. Another occasions of violence was when a riot occurred in Philadelphia living thirteen people dead (McDonaugh). African Americans did not face the same problem as they were the same religion as the Americans. Although, it is understandable to say that African-Americans had a different religion, because they were forced to go to different churches. They weren't segregated because of religion, but instead were segregated using religion. Both groups had different churches, but due to different reasons, Irish because they were Catholic, and African American because there was that much segregation. Religion however, never posed as much of a problem to the African Americans as it did to the Irish, since there were never really that many events of violence concerning African American religion.
      A final factor in the oppression of both groups is employment. The Irish were usually paid less for their work, even for the exact same jobs as Americans. Some newspaper ads would say “No Irish Need Apply” meaning they won't accept any Irish people applying for the job, so they shouldn't bother applying. There were some cases when the job suppliers said that the minimal wage would be a certain price, but when Irish men applied, they changed it (Ahn, Shah). African American's weren't even allowed to apply for jobs like Americans could. African Americans usually only worked in jobs like laborers in factories, fields, and the streets (King Jr.). The African Americans were once slaves, and they were still treated like them at those times. Both groups were segregated when it came to employment, but Irish were at least offered jobs that Americans had, while African Americans weren't even considered for the jobs, even if the pay was the lowest possible, so Irish were better off when it came to jobs.
      Because of the oppression that occurred against both groups many things happened. In order to not be discriminated against some Irish people changed their last names so that people would not recognize them as Irish. They also got rid of their accents so people couldn't pick that out. They also even abandoned Catholicism. On the other hand African-Americans forced through, and much of their culture is still preserved today, and although many of them are still discriminated today, it affected them a lot worse than the Irish. It affected both groups, but in different ways. The Irish had a huge part of their culture wiped out because they wanted to blend in, and the African Americans still face some discrimination, but at least they still have their culture. The American discrimination affected the Irish more.

      Bibliography


      Read more: http://www.bukisa.com/articles/118006_african-american-discrimination-vs-irish-american-discrimination-in-the-united-states#ixzz1p9yxik8t
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      This is a classic corned beef and cabbage recipe, perfect for St. Patrick's Day or any family meal. I like to add rutabaga to my corned beef and cabbage, and others prefer parsnips or turnips. Feel free to add an extra cut-up vegetable to your dinner, leave one out, or go with the ingredients listed below.
      Large Photo of Corned Beef and Cabbage
      Prep Time: 15 minutes

      Cook Time: 2 hours, 20 minutes

      Total Time: 2 hours, 35 minutes

      Yield: Serves 6 to 8

      Ingredients:

      8 allspice berries
      1 teaspoon black peppercorns
      2 medium bay leaves, crumbled
      2 fresh thyme sprigs or about 1/2 teaspoon dried leaf thyme
      1 corned beef, about 4 pounds
      3 cups beef broth
      Water
      1 large onion, cut in 6 to 8 wedges
      1 medium clove garlic, minced
      2 1/2 to 3 pounds Yukon gold potatoes, washed and quartered (peel if desired)
      4 large carrots, halved and cut into 3-inch lengths
      1 small head Savoy cabbage or green cabbage, cored and cut into 6 to 8 wedges
      1 medium rutabaga, cut into 2-inch chunks, optional
      Chopped fresh parsley, optional
      Preparation:

      Combine the allspice berries, peppercorns, bay leaves, and thyme in a bouquet garni bag, or fashion a small bag from a double piece of cheesecloth. Tie the bag tightly to keep the herbs and spices inside.
      Put the corned beef in a 6- to 8-quart saucepan or Dutch oven; add beef broth and the bouquet garni bag. Add enough water to cover the corned beef brisket. Add garlic and onion. Bring to a boil; reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 2 hours. Remove the corned beef to a platter, cover with foil, and keep warm in a very low oven or warming drawer.

      Skim fat from the broth and add the potatoes and carrots to the broth (remove some of the broth if there is too much liquid). Bring to a boil; cover, reduce heat to medium-low and cook for 10 minutes. Add cabbage wedges and continue cooking for about 20 minutes, or until cabbage and vegetables are tender.

      (If you add other vegetables, such as sliced or diced parsnips or rutabaga, add with the potatoes.) Slice the corned beef and serve with the vegetables. Sprinkle parsley over the potatoes and cabbage, if desired.
      Serves 6.
      • Corned beef cabbage 2
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      Thank you Johnny Karp, Happy St Paddy Day!
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      dazzlingdebra wrote:

      'I had an accident opening a can of alphabeti spaghetti this morning,' said Murphy.

      'Were you injured?' inquired Seamus.

      'No, but it could have spelled disaster,' concluded Murphy.


      That was too funny 

      I love corned beef and cabbage. That's a yummy recipe. I bet the allspice gives it a nice flavor.     

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      In Honor of St. Patrick’s Day – You Gotta Love The Irish!

      Q: Why do the Irish honor St. Patrick
      A: Because St. Patrick chased the lawyers (snakes) out of Ireland.

      Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’

      The man said, ‘I do, Father.’

      The priest said, ‘Then stand over there against the wall.’

      Then the priest asked the second man, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’

      ‘Certainly, Father,’ the man replied.

      ‘Then stand over there against the wall,’ said the priest.

      Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and asked, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’

      O’Toole said, ‘No, I don’t Father.’

      The priest said, ‘I don’t believe this.  You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?’

      O’Toole said, ‘Oh, when I die , yes.  I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.’

      ***
      Paddy was in  New York .

      He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.  The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, ‘Okay, pedestrians.’  Then he’d allow the traffic to pass.

      He’d done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

      After the cop had shouted, ‘Pedestrians!’ for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, ‘Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?’

      ***
      Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.  He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

      ‘Did you see the paper?’ asked Gallagher. ‘They say I died!!’

      ‘Yes, I saw it!’ replied Finney.  ‘Where are ye callin’ from?’

      ***
      An Irish priest is driving down to  New York  and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut .  The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

      He says, ‘Sir, have you been drinking?’

      ‘Just water,’ says the priest.

      The trooper says, ‘Then why do I smell wine?’

      The priest looks at the bottle and says, ‘Good Lord! He’s done it again!’

      ***
      Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, ‘Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman.’

      ‘Oh yeah?’ said Charlie, ‘And how did this one end?’

      ‘When it was over,’ Mike replied, ‘She came to me on her hands and knees.’

      ‘Really,’ said Charles, ‘Now that’s a switch!  What did she say?’

      She said, ‘Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.’

      ***
      Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.  He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

      He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.  As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.  A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

      Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.  He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

      He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed..

      In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

      She said, ‘You were drunk again last night weren’t you?’

      Patton said, ‘Why you say such a mean thing?’



      ‘Well,’ Kathleen said, ‘it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ……. it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror
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      Stupid Wives



      An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.

      The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a freezer to keep it in."

      The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

      The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both fell out of the stupid tree and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every toime oi tink of it," he chuckles. "Moy woife just left to go on a holiday in Greece. Oy watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. And she doesn't even have a penis!"
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      You are here: Irish Paddy Jokes » The New Irish Priest
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      The New Irish Priest










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      A new irish priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't stand still. He asked irish father Murphy for some advice. irish father Murphy replied, "When I'm worried about gettin' nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o' whiskey. Just to calm my nerves." So the next Sunday he took the older irish priest's advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

      1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle.

      2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

      3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

      4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

      5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

      6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

      7. The irish father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Senior, Junior, and the Spook.

      8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

      9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say "He was stoned off his ass."

      10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

      11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body"; he did not say, eat me."

      12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".

      13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God"

      14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peters', not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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