The Green Eyed Monster is it in us all?

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    Lipstick

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        Lipstick

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        Hi Members,

        Everyone is jealous at one time or another. For someone to say they are NEVER jealous is a lie. The question is just how jealous are you?

        I do have my moments that's for sure. But in most situations i have to be provoked. I think it depends on the personality of the person you are with as well.

        Jealousy can stem from one's own insecurities as well as mistrust of your partner. One thing i never really understood....and i have seen it over and over....is getting mad NOT at the partner but the person they are cheating with! It just doesn't make sense to me. He/she gets off scot free while the the lover is being scorned and sent running down the street!

        As far as i am concerned.....the only one i would be mad at would be my man. She owes me nothing.....she didn't betray me....HE did. Which also poses the question....once betrayed...can we ever really trust our lover again?

        Lips

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        I must admit that i am a bit more on the jealous side then most.

        It doesn't have anything to do with me being insure in a relationship, there are just some things i don't want to see or hear.

        I agree with you 100% that it should be your partner that you get angry with, the "outsider" in the affair is not betraying you, your partner is.

        I think you can trust again, obviously its not with the one who betrayed you, but as far as your new partner, they are a totally different person and should be given the chance to prove there loyalty to you before we go jumping to conclusions because of a past relationship.


        Tony
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        genenco

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        "Today, most of the good people are afraid to be good. They strive to be broadminded and tolerant. It is fashionable to be tolerant but mostly tolerant of evil and this new code has reached the proportions of demanding intolerance of good."
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        I'm sorry, but I had to vote "Not at all" as I'm not engaged..I do wonder though how I would feel..But that's moot

        Here and I thought the "Green Eyed Monster" was Greed, or Envy...I guess jealousy figures in there too...:)

        Oh and Lips I agree about the "Blaming" your lover and not the other one after all, they had to say "Yes" "Sure" or "Why Not?" and they committed the act of betrayal.

        As for trusting again..???  wow, I have seen some forgive quickly, some made a "Scale" of repentance and some say "There's the door!".


      • Jimbeaux

        Jimbeaux

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        There is always a problem when using definitives such as "Always" or "Everyone" when describing human actions... there is "Always" an exception. I am one such.

        I don't get jealous... dont feel it and though I can recognize it, and maybe sympathise with it in someone else, to me it is unfathomable.

        I love her... unconditionally. if someone calls I dont know, no biggie. If it is obvious that there is something going on, it is also probable that she would have told me of her interest in advance. If it was her choice... I will probably ask if she had fun... if it was not her choice, I will hunt the bastard down and have a new rearview mirror dangly... But in either case I don't see it as a "Betrayal'... I Know who she Loves... Who she will grow old and die with... I have spent most of My adult life ensuring her happiness...

        There is a vast gulf between Love and Lust... Vast enough to be completely separate animals. I doubt there are very many who have not, at one time or another felt Lust, whether it was acted on or not. Lust is easy, like breathing...

        Love takes work...
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        I am just a bit confused here Jim,

        I think jealousy is a natural emotion when your in love. How can you not feel that at times?

        If my woman made the choice to step out on me i for sure would not ask if she had fun, how is that love, her bags would be packed and sitting on the curb when she got home. That is the ultimate in "betrayal" when your partner makes it there choice to cheat or even consider cheating on you.

        Tony
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        Lipstick

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        Tony,

        I second that emotion!!! How on God's green earth could ANY one say " did you have fun"?? Unless your views on outside pleasures are VERY open and it is viewed as a natural instinct like back in the cave man days. Otherwise i just can't see that emotional response not present.

        What sets love apart from any other emotion with your partner is being committed and having loyalty and intimacy and romance that no other person should be allowed to share.

        When that boundary is crossed.....i can't imagine not having a flood of emotion...hurt emotions.

        God i love debates.......and Jimbo will be back with both barrels......Annie get your gun....wink!

        Lips
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        Jimbeaux

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        Tony Trader wrote:

        I am just a bit confused here Jim,

        I think jealousy is a natural emotion when your in love. How can you not feel that at times?

        If my woman made the choice to step out on me i for sure would not ask if she had fun, how is that love, her bags would be packed and sitting on the curb when she got home. That is the ultimate in "betrayal" when your partner makes it there choice to cheat or even consider cheating on you.

        Tony


        Tony,
        I agree that betrayal of your own more's is abhorrant, and a conscious decision to Cheat on the values and trust's established would warrant a harsh response... My point is that I do not consider a healthy libido cheating. I do not feel betrayed that someone I love has chosen to exercise what is truly a healthy (and intensely pleasurable) interest.

        Unshackled by long term commitments, emotional baggage and free to enjoy and savor the moment, having it known upfront that it does not stir the green eyed monster, that it is not viewed by me as a betrayal nor "cheating" allows me to be solely concerned that she is safe, enjoyed herself and is happy. My own interests are viewed in a similar fashion.

        That said, don't get the impression that we are out and out hedonists, nor some caricature of some 80's swinging couple with gold chains dangling. In 25 years of marriage this has come up a total of twice with her... a few more times with me. For her, it was a high school crush that she had never had the nerve to follow through on, and when chance brought us together, and I had met him and got to know him well enough to see what sort of man he was... when she asked... I allowed it. A second time was a typical girls night out, alcohol and laughing good times followed by a natural progression... again... I was more than happy that she felt secure enough in our relationship to feel no guilt, to look back on it as a one time fond memory and move on. Destroying a life you have built together for a moments pleasure... and angst over it completely evades my mental process.

        Yes I know that this is not how the norm views it, but that is why my original post warned about the words "everyone" and "Always"...
      • Jimbeaux

        Jimbeaux

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        lipstick_xoxos wrote:

        Tony,

        I second that emotion!!! How on God's green earth could ANY one say " did you have fun"?? Unless your views on outside pleasures are VERY open and it is viewed as a natural instinct like back in the cave man days. Otherwise i just can't see that emotional response not present.

        What sets love apart from any other emotion with your partner is being committed and having loyalty and intimacy and romance that no other person should be allowed to share.

        When that boundary is crossed.....i can't imagine not having a flood of emotion...hurt emotions.

        God i love debates.......and Jimbo will be back with both barrels......Annie get your gun....wink!

        Lips



        I cant agree with you more on what set's love apart, Lips... I just don't see how satisfying a Lust compromises her or my Loyalty, effects our own healthy intimacy or negates the romance of our lives together... unless I allowed myself to believe that something I possessed had been wrongly taken from me...

        To me, that would be a true barbaric and caveman mentality.
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        Then why take the "vow" of marriage if you are gonna satisfy your sexual needs with another other then your partner? Even if it was just one time.

        To me marriage is a sacred institution and everything intimate should only be shared with the 2 of you..sexual desire is natural in all of us but to act on it with someone other then your partner is without a doubt the ultimate in betrayal, no matter how open a mind you might have.
      • Jimbeaux

        Jimbeaux

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        Tony Trader wrote:

        Then why take the "vow" of marriage if you are gonna satisfy your sexual needs with another other then your partner? Even if it was just one time.

        To me marriage is a sacred institution and everything intimate should only be shared with the 2 of you..sexual desire is natural in all of us but to act on it with someone other then your partner is without a doubt the ultimate in betrayal, no matter how open a mind you might have.


        Tony,
        My marriage, to me, is much more than simply mere sexual gratification. Rather it is a commitment to share a life together, A life filled with the tens of thousands of things between each half hour spent "gratifying" our sexual needs. It is a commitment to strive to be happy, to share hardships and joys, to tackle tough situation's, financial and physical... to having and raising a family, and instilling in that family a healthy set of mores that will carry them in good stead throughout life...


        A marriage to me is much more than simply an opportunity to have my own private concubine... (although she serves that position quite well).

        That said, If that marriage were to be based on a strict monogamy, and that in gratifying a desire you were left feeling guilty, angry and felt you had to hide it away from someone you Trusted... Then this would truly be something abhorrant.... as a destruction of the trust and lack of faith in our relationship... and yes, would probably warant reassessing what and who we felt we were.
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        Jimbo,

        How's Friday say at 8............wink!

        Lips
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