Those we Love, Stay Connected

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Last post made 10 years ago by Imagin.ation
Imagin.ation
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  • Imagin.ation
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  • Theres something I've been dealing with, that I thought i'd share with you all.. it has a message to always stay connected with those you love and care about, never assume by lifestyle or habit that every thing is okay, it not always is...

    My oldest brother was an alcoholic and drug abuser very hard core, in and out of rehabs for many years, he never had a stable relationship, stable home, stable job, we all tried to help in many ways but after many years realized his only help was to help himself, he was 50 years old, he started this alcohol and drug relationship at about the age of 9, through these years he just lived to do the thing he knew best, later in life I believe the longest he stayed sober was 1 year, then binged on and off, once so bad he lapsed into a coma for many months, when he awoke only to find out he had hepatitis and alcohol induced diabetes, after this episode he kind of let up and took it easy but still drinking, he'd tell us he quit, then binge again and again, during the binges he would go off where no one could find him just kind of get lost, I think to hide the shame that he wasn't strong enough no matter what to kick this terrible habit even if his life depended on it,either that or he figured no one really cared if he lived or died... maybe a month or two would go by and no contact, we'd think he was off on another binge and wait for him to call to say he was okay... well this last time three months went by, then four, being worried but still thinking that's just him, then it became not usual that so much time has gone by waiting for word from him... finally a long time friend of the family gets a facebook message from my brothers son, he immediately contacts my sister with information on my brother, my brother had walked into a restaurant fell to the ground and died of a massive heart attack, he had been in the orange county morgue since October of 2012, he was identified by finger prints but unable to find next of kin because he was never legally adopted, finally a dna test was done through that they found his only son who in turn found my brothers long time old friend, a broken web of family not connected... every time I think of my brother dying and in the morgue alone, without a single family member, being cremated months later as a charity case, without our goodbyes, without being able to say we love him and will miss him breaks my heart, this afer all the facts  lump in my throat and the tears behind my eyes feel as though they are permanent ,my brother was sweet, caring, funny, loving, protector, wise and intelligent regardless of his lifestyle, I think they could of done more to find his family, but then probably thought he was just some bum on the streets... he wasn't

  • That is a really sad story Imagin.  I'm so sorry that this happened to you and your family.  Losing touch with family is hard enough but for this to happen is something that will take you a very long time to get over. I hope you don't feel guilty as it seems you and your familty did everything they could to help.

  • Having guilt is the destroyer and from what you described of your brother he would not want you or your family to grieve in this way. He may have not been discovered for a long period of time but he knows you never stopped loving him. His spirit flew high that tragic day in October and freed him of the disease that consumed his life.

    You knew what a wonderful man he was with high regard and did not judge him. That is the greatest gift you could offer and he beams with pride that you recognized it and believed in him. That is better than any physical day to day connection.

    The circle will not be unbroken as the love you hold in your heart conquers all. Your wisdom is commendable and many could learn from someone like you.

    Lips

  • You must remember the good things about your brother like his sweetness. We have to believe that our loved ones are around us in order to cope. He is in a better place and he knows that you loved him. That's what matters and it's what you must hold on to. And although it seems that no words can comfort you, you will see him again.

  • You guys are amazing, the words you all spoke were the most sympathetic, the most kindest, the most soothing, the most healing words ive been told,it is the greatest relief to see sometimes it takes others to speak the words you feel and know deep inside to realize and understand your own self, to comfort what you feel is okay, to open your eyes to certain things you didn't know, like connecting dots and placing puzzle pieces, a picture forms as to why things happen the way they do, and then you just feel better... I believe he didn't want to put it on our shoulders, purposely before hand I think he sabotaged his identity, the hardest thing to admit and say through this is it was easier to deal with in certain ways as it all happened, I think he wanted it this way, you all are just beautiful, thank you so so so much...

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