Todays' Youth

I'm confused about some of the kids today.My stepson came to stay with us 3 months ago.He called his dad sone after he graduated and said his mom and him were fighting could he move in with us.I had no problem with that.His dad told him he'd have to look for work and not sleep away the day.OK...warning sign right there because that is what he did,Stay up until 2 or 3 and get up at 12 or 1.In all he put in 3 job applications and nothing else,wouldn't help his dad at yardwork or at anything he asked of him.Last week he informed us he wants to go back so now we had to pay for his flight back and yes we paid for the one here too.He has brought him things since he got here none of which he could even say thank you for,one way a $60 game that 3 weeks later he wanted to trade in. Almost forgot he never comes out of the room he is in except tp shower and eat and the eating part..well there is always food in our house and yet at 5 or 6 he comes out like is dinner ready yet...grrrrrrrrrr My husband is really hurt by this. I'm sorry I didn't mean to write a book but I think maybe we wanted to give our children what we didn't have and messed-up.The.. you had me, now you can take care of me for the rest of your life attitude

So sorry, Rose.

I don't think that is necessarily a sign of all of today's youths.
I personally have been blessed, so far, with respectful kids. 
My daughter turned 21 and hasn't gone to a bar yet. *shocking*.  The worst I have received from her in 21 years was eye rolling.
I won't speak too soon since my sons are 10 and 14 so I have to keep my fingers crossed with them.

I think many kids (and adults) seem to have a sense of entitlement.  Maybe it was all us moms who worked and tried to replace being home with monetary things. Maybe.

I'm sure your husband is hurt.  I would be.  It's tough as they get older, but it's never to late for some tough love. 

Good Luck and hang in there. 

Rose, I sometimes feel the same way as you about our youth today but then I spend some time around my three awesome teenage nieces and nephew and realize that there really are some pretty terrific young people out there.  My sister and her husband are very involved in their church as are their kids.  The have raised their kids with alot of love, respect and discipline when needed.  I think there are just so many outside influences in today's world that effect our kids behaviors that often times, parents just get out numbered when trying to raise them with high morals, work ethic and respect for other people.  I wasn't all that happy as a kid and had some bad things happen to me but I didn't let it ruin me as an adult...my parents sucked as responsible adults sometimes!  But I still turned out ok...and I bet your stepson will figure things out at some point, hopefully.  Like Gabby pointed out, tough love can be a very valuable tool in some of the more challenging youths.

My daughter gave me so much grief from the time she was 12-18 that I thought I would never live through it.  She was AWFUL.  I was always waiting for the call to come pick her up from jail...or a morgue because she was such an out of control teenager. But something miraculous happened to her the day she moved out of our home (on her 18th birthday)...she realized what a tough world it is out there without her parents watching over her everyday.  She eventually got on the correct side of the jail bars...becoming a deputy sheriff...very involved in gang enforcement...married and is now raising her own children with a stricter hand than I ever had...imagine that!

Hang in there girl...

Rose try not to take it so hard and your hubby too, i'm sorry im reading this.. BUT there is something teenagers go through.. theres a possiblity he is depressed (and i will say if he plays games they are addicting, trust me they want to do nothing else except play that game and will lock themselves up to do it) getting use to not having to get up like he di d going to school every morning is like a vacation not having to do it.. find out what he fought his mom about maybe it's the same thing, trying to get him out to get a job, when they have it easy trust me they keep it that way UNLESS a parent puts the foot down and  gets hardcore.. say something like.. get a job do something with your life, we NEED your help..theres two things he should be doing right now since he has no resposiblities and that is to provide his help and  to respect what you say.. the consequences need to be a time limit and if he doesn't get on the ball he won't have a place to sleep, shower and play his game..

its works for most teenagers..

Thanks,it's not me but my hubby is really upset..I tell him to give him time and to quit feeling guility...the divorce wasn't his fault but that's easier said than done sometimes.I know all of our youth are not lazy or have the I don't care attitude...thank God.Besides my son having his autoimmune diease,I've been blessed too.I hope for his own benefit he changes and realizes that nothing in life is free and will become the kind of man both him and his dad can be proud of.    PS....yes he did the same with his mom and he is going back this Friday,I really hope all goes well for them both.

I see lots of spoiled kids like this one these days Rosebud and I guess there's not much you or his dad could do to change him at this point.

I can only imagine how your hubby is feeling Rosebud.  But what are the chances in a few weeks time, he gets a phonecall and his son will be asking to come back? 

Your hubby sounds like a very caring person and he doesn't have anything to feel guilty about.  HIs son is lucky to have a father to turn to. 

blue

  Very true Blue but as it stands right now after spending ALOT of money on him,trying to get him to at least talk to him,show some appreciation,which he has done none of,I don't think that's gonna happen. My hubby had a very rough childhood which somehow he overcame to become a caring father and I guess the total disrespect he has received, he now is going to do the tough love thing.It broke my heart to see him cry when his son decided to leave and his son couldn't have cared less.It seems the only time he does is when he wants something from him and that's usually money and the bank has decided no more.

How very sad Rosebud.  Your hubby's son doesn't have a clue does he.  One day, when this lad is older, I hope it hits him like a ton of bricks and realises how badly he has behaved.  It sounds like a case of self first, self last, any left, self again.

blue

Exactly Blue,we just hopes that as he becomes a man with more experiences in life he will understand where both his mom and dad were coming from otherwise I'm afraid he'll have a rough road ahead of him.

Not sure about the rest of the world but in New Zealand the youth have no respect for society ..this has become more and more of a problem because of a range of factors. :

(a) Discipline is out the window now that the strap was taken out of schools this was a form of Corporal punishment allthough archaic in sounding it did put some respect into the early stages of child development.

(b) The basic morales and values that were common in the old days
are sadly being lost ...the generations coming up are not having core values being taught to them ..and it starts in the home ..also cycles of poverty can hinder development.

(c) Kids are becoming more and more mediarised and t.v's are becoming portable babysitters for many .. as are playstations ..and etc etc .. I remember meeting a farmer once who didnt let his kid watch t.v because he thought it was better for his son to experience the real world ..and not something on a screen.
At the time i didnt consider the depth of his thinking but as time flowed i did see his point ..over exposure to media can be non productive ..i guess one could argue that it depends on the media being exposed too ..but the general emphasis is apparent in nature.

(d) Kids in New Zealand keep complaining about being bored all the time ..half leave school just to get the dole and go "roaming" ..scooting around in mummy and daddies 20k bmw to look cool and take their friends around for a ride ..getting drunk ..then *bang* reality hits ... problem is where do you start ..i see a whole generation before me trying to mimic my generation ...and they dont even come close..their like this wrongly cloned experiment ...kids are gettin out of hand these days.

Best thinking I can muster is Old School Tactics like in the 20's...well
thats my five cents worth on the youth.

Your husband feels hurt and i understand but i hope he is always proud of himself for being there for his son when so many dead beat dads are not.

He did what was right for his child and i hope he realizes that. Maybe when his son has a family of his own someday he will see the wrongs he has done.

Lips