Tonight, my heart is broken :(

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    MommyMachine

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    There goes my baby....
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        MommyMachine

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        There goes my baby....
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        I am sorry but I need to talk about something that is bothering me right now. You guys are the only ones that I have right now, and I knew I would get support here.

        Everybody knows that I have 5 kids, but in reality I have 6. I have a son that passed away when he was 17 months old. He was born 3 months premature, and he was sick from the start. He continued to fight, until he got sick with RSV. He couldn't fight anymore and he went to heaven.

        Tonight is a very hard night for me. I really don't talk about him much, not even with my husband, so it gets bottled up inside, and then it pours out. Sometimes I feel like a big peice of my heart is gone.

        I don't know what brought on these feelings tonight, I just know that they are here, and it hurts.

        There are so many things I wish I could say to him, or just hold him one more time.

        I know I have to be strong for my other kids, and I can't bring him back, but why does it have to hurt so bad? :'(

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        helwin

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          Mommy, I am so sorry for your loss. When you look at your beautiful children, they make you strong as well. 
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        wnanhee

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        Mommy... :'(

        I might not know how exactly you must feel but I can imagine what you must going through as being a parent myself...
        There is saying from where I came from that when your parents die, you bury them in the ground but when your child dies, you bury him inside your heart forever...he lives with you!!!
        There is no possible way you will forget about him and expect to live your life as normal,mommy...how can you anyway even with other children...cause every each finger(child) hurts when you bite them...don't try to stop thinking of him or shake the thoughts of him...cause it will only hurts you more.
        Pray for you, mommy who is suffering...and who's crying at this late night...
        for God to give you comforts and repose...take away the burdens...let you experience the peace instead...sometimes, there is time when no human can give you that peace and comforts that you need...pray for him to hold you...and stay with you through the night and always...


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        MommyMachine

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        There goes my baby....
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        It hurts guys, more than I could explain in words. My heart is in a million pieces right now, my face streaked with tears, that sick feeling in my stomach, I can't take it.

        I am afraid to go to bed, because of the dreams.

        Thank you for your support...Love you guys


        :-*
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        givennsz

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        Mommy, Im so sorry for the pain you are feeling Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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        blueday

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          Sweet Mommymachine,

          I'm so sorry for your loss - it is one of the hardest things in the world to come to terms with and a mother can never come to terms with the loss of her child.  I wish I could say something to help you, but I know there are no words to take away the pain you feel.

          Just know that my thoughts are with you, not just today but always.  A Mother's love never dies and that is the one thing that can never be taken away from you.

          Take care x

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          wmmeden

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          Mommy, I feel I have found a kindred spirit in you. Please know that I pray for you often, not for you to forget, but for you to remember with smiles the time you had with an angel.
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          Hi mommy my sweet friend. It is 6:00 am. but i've been up all night.  I can't seem to sleep lately I have a lot of anxiety lately and one reason is worrying about my children. My heart breaks for you I cannot even imagine the full extent of what your feeling and hope I never do,  but mother to mother and friend to friend praying deep in my heart for you
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          drpsyce38

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          Mommy....My heart really breaks for you.  Yes, sometimes the feelings come back like a bad flood. 

          Let me suggest you and your husband get some help.  As your spouse he can be a great source of strength and safe place you can talk.
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          bingocrazy48

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          Mommy,My hearts breaks for you and I know the pain you feel.I deal with the same ache.I think what drsyce said is sound advice.It does help and you need to share your feeligs with your husband too.Know that you are not alone and your little one watches over you and you will be together again.I know we don't know each other very well but if you need someone, I"m here for you.Like the old song goes...call me and I'll be there.
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          lefty2121

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          Mommy, I am very sorry for your loss and the pain u r in right now. I cant imagine losing one of my girls. I often get the feelings of the spirits around us, and it was the first thought I got when I read ur message. Take a moment and talk to ur son, he is with u right now and try to take a few minutes alone to tell him how u feel. There is some reason he is so strong on ur mind and if it is not a certain occasion maybe it because the kids went back to school and u linked him in the order. Try to take comfort from him. U have a big heart and it shows in ur posts, I feel I know u the most here from all ur post,u take time for all and know we are all here for u too.
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          colywog

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          This machine is gonna to hit, I can feel it!!
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          The pain of loss..I guess at some point we all find out it is a part of life...I feel your pain and my sympathies to you.
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          chillymellow

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          I hope the day is better for you.  Last night I kept thinking of my mother, who died 2 years ago. Thinking of what I woulda coulda shoulda said or done differently, and how much I miss her.

          When she had her first baby, somewhere around 1940, he had a heart problem and died after a few days.  I didn't know about him for years, found his name in the family bible when I was a kid.  I missed him immediately.

          My mom never talked about him to me, and I never knew how she felt about him, but I guess my brother knew.  When mom died, my brother didn't say a lot, so what he did say was meaningful.  He said now mom can finally spend time with her baby.

          I've got four of them I'm waiting to be with that I've never seen.  One is with her daddy.  As much as I'd like to see them, I am here for now.  I have to endure patience when I'm crying and lost without them.  Everyday life with those still here with me soon soothes the hurt.  

          It'll be okay, mommy.
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          Lipstick

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          Hi mommy,

          Never apologize for sharing your sorrow and pain with us. I look at the flood of replies and it makes me see just how much of a caring family we really are for each other. Our  greatest sorrow in life is loss of someone we love. It brings us memories of those we lost ourselves in our lives.

          There is comfort in talking about it and sharing it. For you and all members who have lost someone dear to them, i understand the moments of how your heart breaks. It can be the littlest thing that reminds of us of them. As painful as these memories of loss can be there is a healing process that helps us and makes us stronger as time goes on.

          We never forget but we learn our hearts must go on. We find strength in knowing that those we mourn for would want us to move on and and stay strong. And right when you least expect it you might feel and overwhelming calm over you or a sense of peace. Thats when you know they are all around you in spirit, guiding through rough moments.

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          diarylab2

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          Mommy,I know what your are feeling.I only son passed away Nov.5,2009.You never get over it.

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