Tonight, my heart is broken :(

6,080
views
28
replies
Last post made 13 years ago by blueday
MommyMachine
  • Started by
  • MommyMachine
  • United States Mighty! Member 3746
  • last active 2 years ago

Readers of this topic also read:

  • Rooli Casino Review Welcome Bonus: 100% up to €/$500 + 200 Spins 2. Deposit Bonus: 100% up to €/$500 + 50 Spins 3. Deposit Bonus: 50% up to €/$1000 + 75 Spins 4. Deposit Bonus: 75% up to...

    Read
  • The benefits of cryptocurrency in online gambling include: 1. Anonymity: Cryptocurrency transactions are relatively anonymous, allowing players to gamble without revealing their personal information....

    Read
  • Novajackpot Casino Review Sign up Bonus: 100% up to €/$500 + 200 Spins Sign up Bonus - Brazil:100% up to R$2000 + 200 Spins Sign up Bonus - Canada: 100% up to C$750 + 200 Spins Sign up Bonus - New...

    Read

Please or register to post or comment.

  • I am sorry but I need to talk about something that is bothering me right now. You guys are the only ones that I have right now, and I knew I would get support here.

    Everybody knows that I have 5 kids, but in reality I have 6. I have a son that passed away when he was 17 months old. He was born 3 months premature, and he was sick from the start. He continued to fight, until he got sick with RSV. He couldn't fight anymore and he went to heaven.

    Tonight is a very hard night for me. I really don't talk about him much, not even with my husband, so it gets bottled up inside, and then it pours out. Sometimes I feel like a big peice of my heart is gone.

    I don't know what brought on these feelings tonight, I just know that they are here, and it hurts.

    There are so many things I wish I could say to him, or just hold him one more time.

    I know I have to be strong for my other kids, and I can't bring him back, but why does it have to hurt so bad? :'(

  •   Mommy, I am so sorry for your loss. When you look at your beautiful children, they make you strong as well. 

  • Mommy... :'(

    I might not know how exactly you must feel but I can imagine what you must going through as being a parent myself...
    There is saying from where I came from that when your parents die, you bury them in the ground but when your child dies, you bury him inside your heart forever...he lives with you!!!
    There is no possible way you will forget about him and expect to live your life as normal,mommy...how can you anyway even with other children...cause every each finger(child) hurts when you bite them...don't try to stop thinking of him or shake the thoughts of him...cause it will only hurts you more.
    Pray for you, mommy who is suffering...and who's crying at this late night...
    for God to give you comforts and repose...take away the burdens...let you experience the peace instead...sometimes, there is time when no human can give you that peace and comforts that you need...pray for him to hold you...and stay with you through the night and always...


  • It hurts guys, more than I could explain in words. My heart is in a million pieces right now, my face streaked with tears, that sick feeling in my stomach, I can't take it.

    I am afraid to go to bed, because of the dreams.

    Thank you for your support...Love you guys


    :-*

  • Mommy, Im so sorry for the pain you are feeling sad Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Sweet Mommymachine,

    I'm so sorry for your loss - it is one of the hardest things in the world to come to terms with and a mother can never come to terms with the loss of her child.  I wish I could say something to help you, but I know there are no words to take away the pain you feel.

    Just know that my thoughts are with you, not just today but always.  A Mother's love never dies and that is the one thing that can never be taken away from you.

    Take care x

    blue 

  • Mommy, I feel I have found a kindred spirit in you. Please know that I pray for you often, not for you to forget, but for you to remember with smiles the time you had with an angel.

  • Mommy....My heart really breaks for you.  Yes, sometimes the feelings come back like a bad flood. 

    Let me suggest you and your husband get some help.  As your spouse he can be a great source of strength and safe place you can talk.

  • Mommy,My hearts breaks for you and I know the pain you feel.I deal with the same ache.I think what drsyce said is sound advice.It does help and you need to share your feeligs with your husband too.Know that you are not alone and your little one watches over you and you will be together again.I know we don't know each other very well but if you need someone, I"m here for you.Like the old song goes...call me and I'll be there.

  • Mommy, I am very sorry for your loss and the pain u r in right now. I cant imagine losing one of my girls. I often get the feelings of the spirits around us, and it was the first thought I got when I read ur message. Take a moment and talk to ur son, he is with u right now and try to take a few minutes alone to tell him how u feel. There is some reason he is so strong on ur mind and if it is not a certain occasion maybe it because the kids went back to school and u linked him in the order. Try to take comfort from him. U have a big heart and it shows in ur posts, I feel I know u the most here from all ur post,u take time for all and know we are all here for u too.

  • The pain of loss..I guess at some point we all find out it is a part of life...I feel your pain and my sympathies to you.

  • I hope the day is better for you.  Last night I kept thinking of my mother, who died 2 years ago. Thinking of what I woulda coulda shoulda said or done differently, and how much I miss her.

    When she had her first baby, somewhere around 1940, he had a heart problem and died after a few days.  I didn't know about him for years, found his name in the family bible when I was a kid.  I missed him immediately.

    My mom never talked about him to me, and I never knew how she felt about him, but I guess my brother knew.  When mom died, my brother didn't say a lot, so what he did say was meaningful.  He said now mom can finally spend time with her baby.

    I've got four of them I'm waiting to be with that I've never seen.  One is with her daddy.  As much as I'd like to see them, I am here for now.  I have to endure patience when I'm crying and lost without them.  Everyday life with those still here with me soon soothes the hurt.  

    It'll be okay, mommy.

  • Hi mommy,

    Never apologize for sharing your sorrow and pain with us. I look at the flood of replies and it makes me see just how much of a caring family we really are for each other. Our  greatest sorrow in life is loss of someone we love. It brings us memories of those we lost ourselves in our lives.

    There is comfort in talking about it and sharing it. For you and all members who have lost someone dear to them, i understand the moments of how your heart breaks. It can be the littlest thing that reminds of us of them. As painful as these memories of loss can be there is a healing process that helps us and makes us stronger as time goes on.

    We never forget but we learn our hearts must go on. We find strength in knowing that those we mourn for would want us to move on and and stay strong. And right when you least expect it you might feel and overwhelming calm over you or a sense of peace. Thats when you know they are all around you in spirit, guiding through rough moments.

    Lips
  • Mommy,I know what your are feeling.I only son passed away Nov.5,2009.You never get over it.

  • MommyMachine, I don't know how I would feel about this, knowing that a child of my own would never get to experience the joys (And sorrows) of this world, to see them grow, understand and love all who they do.

    It would break my heart knowing this all along though, even with 5 to enjoy, nothing wrong with more also. Be assured though, he did his job by having you appreciate the others as much as his presence would have made.

    Be blessed and strong, you are an example of strength and courage to us all here.

  • Thank you guys. I finally got to bed around 3:30 am, and I cuddled up with my Brooklyn. She was asleep, but when I got in bed she wrapped her arms around me soooo tight, it made me feel better. Almost like it was my son hugging me. I don't know how to explain it.

    My mind was racing with thoughts, and the tears kept coming, but this morning I feel a little better.

    I don't know why I keep it bottled inside, maybe because I am too scared to feel the pain. I am not that kind of person, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

    I was reminded today by a friend, that it's ok to grieve. It's time I grieve for my baby.

    I am blessed to have so many friends here at LCB, thank all of you so much.


    :-*

  • Mommy, I am sorry you are hurting so much right now and glad you are feeling a little better today.

    When you keep the hurt inside like that, it will build up and eventually must come out and last night you must have got too full and your  dam  had to burst. When it does finally come, let it wash over you, cry, sob, scream (into a pillow if you must), get it all out - don't try to push it back in, you will feel better once you let it ALL out and allow yourself to grieve.

    I have 3 kids, and I can only imagine what you go through during these times. Again, I am sorry and hope you feel better and better as the day goes on. My heart truly goes out to you and I am sending you big hugs.

  • I'm sorry Mommy.. i really am and i know what you are going through.. my brothers things are all here still fresh, i can even still smell his cologne sometimes, i sometimes almost knock on the bathroom door, or make his plate to eat.. i go in his room, wrap myself up in his clothes, curl up on his bed, kiss and hold his pictures.. missing and still needing him so much.. i cry so many tears.. wishing he'd just come home, walk through that door, that is was just a bad dream to wake up from.. trying to face reality he is gone forever, never coming back.. i get angry, constantly asking why him..

    I know that sometimes nothing eases the pain..i too bottle up and won't talk to anyone, in fact it's what i'm going through now, being in pain you don't want to spread to others, or thats how you can feel.

    What gives me comfort.. is knowing he is in heaven, in good hands, well taken care of, he is happy, comfortable, loved and painfree from inside his soul to the top of his head to his toes, i think about the good things he gave me and left behind, knowing this i smile for him and i move on, staying strong, i realize i'd have to be selfish to want and keep him here when he has lived and done his deed and it was time for him to go be an Angel in Heaven.

    Mommy think of your beautiful son shining down on you in heaven, with his smile, know that he loves you and misses you too, your son wants you to be a mommy to his brothers and sisters the best you can be, give to his family the love and nurturing that of what you would give to him. It hurts for a child to see their mommy hurting, especially one as beautiful, loving and caring as you.. He is an Angel in Heaven, the highest honor this life can give us, he is also your angel in heaven.

    Time and understanding will get you through it, beleive and have faith that he is just fine.






  • Mommy, Im so glad to hear u r feeling a lil better. there is nothing in the world more precious than ur childs arms around you even if they r asleep they respond that way because of the way u take care of them. As a mother we try to be all to our kids and you did the best thing by sharing ur pain with those here and didnt keep it inside so u can enjoy the lil ones today. I am in awe of the support here, and feel blessed to have become a member. Now go win some of the tourny money!!

  • Oh mommy... like Lips I am so touched by the many replies and support.  That is why I love this site.  I believe that God only gives us what we can handle (even if hard), which would make you the strongest toughest most awesome superhero ever created, able to go through so much yet still go on and live and bring smiles to others each day.  As I said before, I am so very sorry for your loss, I have been through a lot, but this is one that I could not bear.  But you do it with grace, and I second some of the above that he is with you now, in your heart.  Have you joined any of the online groups for parents who lost a little one?  We are always here for you, but I find that talking with others who know exactly what you are dealing with (my cancer etc.) is different, it is a different kind of support, and helps healing.  I'm glad you got some sleep:)

  • I guess what kills me the most, is I feel guilty. I don't know why, there is nothing I could have done to change things. I just wish I did things different. I am amazed on how much support is here for me, I really feel like this is my 2nd family now.

    I really wish I could just cry the day away, but I can't. I have to be strong for my other kids. I do feel a little bit better though.


    :-*

  • Glad you're feeling a little bit better than you were MommyMachine.

    Guilt is a terrible thing - and you should not be feeling any guilt at all.  Nothing you did made what happen, happen.  There was nothing you could have done to change what happened.  You really shouldn't be feeling guilty at all but I can understand that you would, even though you have no reason to.

    blue

  • Aw Mommy, I am so sorry your feeling down and I totally understand your pain,your a mother and a good mother,so naturally you would feel what you do for any of your babies...he might have suffered a lot if God hadn't decided he needed him more and to spare him a life of pain and constant sickness.And I hate to sound like a cliche but you will see him again and when you do he will be healthy and perfect.Please don't be so sad Kiddo, we all love you here and are praying that you will get thru this dark time and will be back to your vibrant and loving self. I feel bad that I havent been in the site earlier than this and just read that your feeling the blues.I want you to be happy and ok. (((((((((MommyMachine))))))))


  • I am sorry but I need to talk about something that is bothering me right now. You guys are the only ones that I have right now, and I knew I would get support here.

    Everybody knows that I have 5 kids, but in reality I have 6. I have a son that passed away when he was 17 months old. He was born 3 months premature, and he was sick from the start. He continued to fight, until he got sick with RSV. He couldn't fight anymore and he went to heaven.

    Tonight is a very hard night for me. I really don't talk about him much, not even with my husband, so it gets bottled up inside, and then it pours out. Sometimes I feel like a big peice of my heart is gone.

    I don't know what brought on these feelings tonight, I just know that they are here, and it hurts.

    There are so many things I wish I could say to him, or just hold him one more time.

    I know I have to be strong for my other kids, and I can't bring him back, but why does it have to hurt so bad? :'(




    Mommy, I could never understand how you feel, but I can hurt for you, and I do! 
    You are strong and a good person which is why God blessed you with other little angels! He is still there with you!
    It is probably him who helps you get up when you don't want to, It is probably him who makes you smile when you don't feel there is anything to smile for, It is probably him that helps you be more patient with your other children, It is probably him...he is still there with you, he is!
  • Another semi-sad day for me. I really haven't been myself lately...I have been trying to just put a smile on to get through the day...I have an appointment next week to talk to someone about it. I am a little nervous.



    :-*

  • Feel better soon Mommy.  For some reason, this past few weeks have been bad for a lot of people.  I get really nervous too having to talk to people about my issues, but usually it's worth the effort.  Hang in there.


  • Another semi-sad day for me. I really haven't been myself lately...I have been trying to just put a smile on to get through the day...I have an appointment next week to talk to someone about it. I am a little nervous.



    :-*


    Sorry to hear you're having another bad day MommyMachine.

    The good thing about talking to a third party is, they are not involved, they can help you in a positive way and you can say exactly what you feel about everything and he/she won't have a go at you about it or judge you. 

    This could be just what you need....to let it all out.

    I hope it goes well.

    blue

Quick Reply

Please enter your comment.

lcb activities in the last 24 hours

Most viewed forum topics

Sylvanas
Sylvanas Serbia 27 days ago
229

Let's welcome spring with another real cash contest! We've had many new casinos launching and of course - we want to test them all! Choose a casino to test and take part in the March contest for a...
March 2024 $500 REAL CASH Contest: Let's Test Casinos!

Melcb
Melcb 15 days ago
16

Reel Fortune Casino - Exclusive No Deposit Bonus New players only - US OK! Amount: 40 free spins on slotCa$hablanca How to claim the bonus: Players need to sign up through our LINK . once registered...
Reel Fortune Casino Exclusive No Deposit Bonus

MelissaN
MelissaN Serbia 2 months ago
10

Slots777.Casino - Exclusive Free Spins New players only! - NO US 20 free spins on Fruletta How to claim the bonus: Players need to sign up through our LINK , open the game and the free spins will be...
Slots777.Casino Exclusive No Deposit Bonus