Lips and Genenco raise some interesting points and questions about marriage. From about ten years of doing family therapy, let me share what I saw were the marriages that were MOST LIKELY* doomed from the start:
*Obviously, there will be exceptions.
First, marriages that began under some sort of fraud. (He had a secret criminal past and didn't tell her. She had a secret gambling life and kept it from him, etc.)
Second, the inability, or unwillingness, to differentiate from one's family of origin. (He is a big time "Mama's boy", or she has some major daddy hang-ups, etc.)
Third, step kids. I know, I know, we all want to be the Brady Bunch, and that DOES happen. But, most of the time blended famlies are very, very difficult places.
Fourth, not willing to let go of an ex. (Keeping in touch with the boyfriend and meeting from time to time for some old time "flinging.")
Fifth, not having a financial plan. Yep, money problems will wreck a marriage.
Sixth, and this is a BIG one, marriages where the relationship began through cheating. (He and she met through cheating on their former spouses.)
Seventh, and this is controversial. Marrying someone with many past sex partners. The research is pretty clear here. Someone who has enjoyed years and years of "variety" is not as likely to settle on a one item menu. This may apply mostly to men. If a man is 30, had 20-30 sex partners in his past, he is not likely to just STOP playing the field.
Just some thoughts, and again, there are exceptions out there. But, the exceptions tend to have very strong elements in other areas of their marriage that are in play.
Your thoughts? Ones to ADD?
What marriages are MORE likely to fail? EX psychologist's 2 cents. Thoughts?
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