What would you do?

Feel free to talk about anything and everything in this board.
Headline back 2
    4,026
    views
    17
    replies
    Last post ago over 6 years by Lipstick
    Avatar 1502

    lucky8s

    • Hero Member
    • female
    • offline
    • 43
      thanks given
    • 95
      thanks received
    • Started by
      Hero Member
      543
    • last active 4 months ago

    Readers of this topic also read:

    Please or register to post or comment.
      • Avatar 1502

        lucky8s

        • Hero Member
        • female
        • offline
        • 43
          thanks given
        • 95
          thanks received
        • Started by
          Hero Member
          543
        • last active 4 months ago
        We all know the joy of sending a child to College, the excitement of them being accepted, applying for financial aid. Then they graduate and you hope they land a well paying job to justify the expense of College. Then the reality kicks in you have to pay it back. I am $42,000 in debt due to my little graduate who is now 27 yr old man. My wages are being garnished for $27,000 and the other I have to pay back starting next wk. Of course he took out his little $15,000 Pell Grant for books etc. and is paying that back. But I am a single Mom and PAID his Rent, Frat dues including Rent in the summer months when he was not up in college because you have to sign a years lease you get no financial aid in the summer. I did this for 3 yrs. They financial aid money I would deposit into his bank acct for $3,718.50 he blew threw it and did not pay his rent,dues, etc like he was supposed to and would call me up saying I need you to pay for it out of your own money or i will get kicked out of school. Of course I PAID it. A college loan is not something you can claim bankruptcy on and even if you retire they will take your social security pymts,irs tax refunds etc. My son feels that ALL parents should pay for and send their child to school and that he is paying his $15,000 back. I think this is outrageous and want to have him sign a promissory note to pay for half and he is not willing to do this. My sisters say what Parent would make their child pay for college? What would you do? :'(
      • Index

        blueday

        • admin
        • offline
          • 18134
            thanks given
          • 9803
            thanks received
          • Replied by
            admin
            20,105
          • last active 6 hrs ago
          I think the fact that he had the money and blew it and then asked you for it, is way out of order. 

          No I wouldn't ask him to pay half but I would expect him to go out and get a decent job and once he had a decent job, then maybe I would ask for some help to help clear it.  Does he still live with you?

          If he still won't pay, then no - I would not ask my son to sign a promisory note.  Do tell him not to expect any further help though because of the debts you have because of him.

          One day in the future, when he is older and wiser -  you never know, he may eventually help you with it. (But I do doubt it very much)

          blue


        • Avatar 1502

          lucky8s

          • Hero Member
          • female
          • offline
          • 43
            thanks given
          • 95
            thanks received
          • Replied by
            Hero Member
            543
          • last active 4 months ago

          Does not live with me does not pay any Rent. Lives with my sister in a 4 bedroom house, sister unmarried no kids. He owns his own company foreclosure cleanout homes and moving makes around $4000 a month. >:(
        • Index

          blueday

          • admin
          • offline
            • 18134
              thanks given
            • 9803
              thanks received
            • Replied by
              admin
              20,105
            • last active 6 hrs ago
            lucky8s wrote:


            Does not live with me does not pay any Rent. Lives with my sister in a 4 bedroom house, sister unmarried no kids. He owns his own company foreclosure cleanout homes and moving makes around $4000 a month. >:(


            Well that is just plain mean then. 

            I still don't think the promisory note is right because he is your son but I would have thought his conscience would have got the better of him.  He could at least give you something every month to help clear this awful debt he has landed you with.

            Maybe it's time for you to plead poverty to him and tell him you can't pay your bills cos you spent all your money.  I wonder if he would come to your rescue?

            My experience makes me think that he won't but you never know!

            blue
          • Avatar 1502

            lucky8s

            • Hero Member
            • female
            • offline
            • 43
              thanks given
            • 95
              thanks received
            • Replied by
              Hero Member
              543
            • last active 4 months ago

            It's the Generation X mentality, it's the facebook I can say whatever I want because we have 1st amendment rights. It's the "Hell no we wont go Berkely mentality". It's the youth against the establishment generation. It's the you try to spank me and I'll throw you in jail for assault generation.  "Spare the rod spoil the child" I spanked him one time, thats my problem now. It's his attitude all my friends parents paid for college you should also. His friends parents were Mom and Dad and were Drs and lawyers and oh yes the mayors kid. There was only me MOM period. Now of course he calls and says I would like to take you out for a Mothers day dinner? This year I told him I really have to think about it, I will get back to you. You see it is fine as long as I don't mention it and just suck it up, because as he says I should because everyone else did.
          • Index

            blueday

            • admin
            • offline
              • 18134
                thanks given
              • 9803
                thanks received
              • Replied by
                admin
                20,105
              • last active 6 hrs ago
              I totally know where you are coming from.

              He must know how you struggled to help him out - of course he does.  He doesn't worry about how you struggle now because of his actions.  Sounds like he doesn't get that you were on your own and that you did it all by yourself. 

              You truly should be proud of what you have done for him- even if he doesn't appreciate it.  You were the one that put him through college, you were the one that bailed him out and you were the one that probably sacrificed things you probably needed but instead you gave the money to him.  He doesn't appreciate you that is for sure and he doesn't understand what you have done for him all by yourself.

              As for the Mothers day meal - only you can decide whether to go or not. 

              blue

            • Avatar 7881

              drpsyce38

              • Super Hero
              • male
              • offline
              • 42
                thanks given
              • 289
                thanks received
              • Replied by
                Super Hero
                1,492
              • last active about 1 month ago
              I am sending my kid off to college.  Run #1  Never, never sign for a loan.  Make the kid do it.

              Lucky, I am sorry.  I really am, but your child has some serious "entitlement" issues.  When I was a practicing psychologist I saw it ALL the time:  Mom and dad going BROKE so their kids can live the highlife. 

              All you can do is live-and-learn.  And perhaps just keep a check on youself so you don't do any enabling. 

              I reallly am sorry.......this sounds very, very painful.
            • Avatar 10150

              genenco

              • Mighty! Member
              • male
              • offline
              "Today, most of the good people are afraid to be good. They strive to be broadminded and tolerant. It is fashionable to be tolerant but mostly tolerant of evil and this new code has reached the proportions of demanding intolerance of good."
              Just trotting along
              • 273
                thanks given
              • 683
                thanks received
              • Replied by
                Mighty! Member
                3,010
              • last active about 1 month ago
              Well, you "Could" instigate a lawsuit, but this would drive a wedge into the relationship of yours.

              I wish there was a solid answer, but sounds like he's still an irresponsible child. I think it's best to try and pay and write it off...But you can just send him a nice card for Christmas and his birthday.

              You already gave enough cash wise.
            • Avatar 7881

              drpsyce38

              • Super Hero
              • male
              • offline
              • 42
                thanks given
              • 289
                thanks received
              • Replied by
                Super Hero
                1,492
              • last active about 1 month ago
              Gen, I am afraid she wouldn't have a leg to stand on to sue.  If she signed the note, she is 100% stuck with it.  I am sure there will be lots of genuine empathy from the LCB family.  I am just trying to make the point that parents should not go on the hook for their adult children. 
            • Index

              blueday

              • admin
              • offline
                • 18134
                  thanks given
                • 9803
                  thanks received
                • Replied by
                  admin
                  20,105
                • last active 6 hrs ago
                drpsyce38 wrote:

                Gen, I am afraid she wouldn't have a leg to stand on to sue.  If she signed the note, she is 100% stuck with it.  I am sure there will be lots of genuine empathy from the LCB family.  I am just trying to make the point that parents should not go on the hook for their adult children. 


                You are totally right - but we do and if we had our time again, we would do it again because no mother want's to see their child fail because we couldn't come up with the money.

                It's a terrible situation and I agree, write it off and just give him cards for Christmas and Birthday.

                blue
              • Avatar 10150

                genenco

                • Mighty! Member
                • male
                • offline
                "Today, most of the good people are afraid to be good. They strive to be broadminded and tolerant. It is fashionable to be tolerant but mostly tolerant of evil and this new code has reached the proportions of demanding intolerance of good."
                Just trotting along
                • 273
                  thanks given
                • 683
                  thanks received
                • Replied by
                  Mighty! Member
                  3,010
                • last active about 1 month ago
                drpsyce38 wrote:

                Gen, I am afraid she wouldn't have a leg to stand on to sue.  If she signed the note, she is 100% stuck with it.  I am sure there will be lots of genuine empathy from the LCB family.  I am just trying to make the point that parents should not go on the hook for their adult children.  


                Well, not being a lawyer though. she could prove where the cash went and what for. Unless (I may have not seen/read) that she took out the loan personally.

                If that is the reason, then you're probably right.

                Heck with all the financial help offered to students, seems few should have to hit up the parents for cash...Or for some minor stuff...Pity...
              • Avatar 1502

                lucky8s

                • Hero Member
                • female
                • offline
                • 43
                  thanks given
                • 95
                  thanks received
                • Replied by
                  Hero Member
                  543
                • last active 4 months ago

                Technically Geneco is 100% correct borrowing Federal Financial Aid and not using it for purposes intended Education can be investigated it is MISSAPPROPRIATION of federal funds and it is a FELONY! In that case I would not have to pay it back. But look at the cost and I do not mean financial. Students have been borrowing Financial Aid and buying houses with it, taking trips etc. This is NOTHING to brag about and if you get caught you will go to jail. I posted so that NO other Parent falls into this trap. Your child will have many yrs of employment to pay it back. Never take out a loan for your child to go to College. On one loan only $8,000 it will be $15,000 by the time I pay it back thats interest.
              • Putting on lipstick emoticon 1

                Lipstick

                • admin
                • female
                • online
                • 6796
                  thanks given
                • 10310
                  thanks received
                • Replied by
                  admin
                  12,324
                • online
                Hi Lucky,

                The real question here is what does your heart tell you? From what i read in your post i think you are feeling he should pay at least half. I would have to agree with that.

                You raised him, took care of him during his college years and it sounds like he will be doing pretty good for himself thanks to good parents. Your not obligated to "owe" your son anything, he is a grown man.

                You have had your share of misfortune with the accident. You need to think about yourself now and your future. Follow your heart and your instinct.

                Whatever decision you make, just make sure its your own and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

                Lips
              • Avatar 1502

                lucky8s

                • Hero Member
                • female
                • offline
                • 43
                  thanks given
                • 95
                  thanks received
                • Replied by
                  Hero Member
                  543
                • last active 4 months ago
                Also always have your student apply to College as an Independent. Which means he is 100% on his own and you do not get to ride him off your taxes as a dependent. It is kinda sneaky they way they make you apply to Colleges it is a database that asks for your taxes and if you student lives with you. Now you think you are just applying to colleges to be accepted you are and you are not. Two things are happening at that time they take this info you provided and you and your student pick all the colleges they would like to attend they are prequalifying you both at that time, checking to see if your student has a checking/savings acct they will hold that against him for FINANCIAL AID,  then they are sending in your application with your financial ABILITY TO PAY to all the colleges you choose at the same time. The colleges have already seen your financials before they send you an acceptance letter. Then they tell you upon acceptance wel the College will cost about $30,000 to attend a year. BUT what they do NOT TELL YOU is that there is ALSO the COST OF ATTENDANCE this is ROOM/BOARD FOOD,TRANSPORATION,HEALTH INS and that is ANOTHER $28,000 A YEAR. So your $30,000 College yearly is $60,000. Parents always ask what does is cost to go to your College THEY NEVER ASK WHAT IS THE TOTAL COST OF ATTENDANCE.
              • Avatar 1502

                lucky8s

                • Hero Member
                • female
                • offline
                • 43
                  thanks given
                • 95
                  thanks received
                • Replied by
                  Hero Member
                  543
                • last active 4 months ago
                My sons response was absolutly Beautiful, and a promise to help, when i am hurting he is hurting he wrote. But upon reflection it is something that is dear to my heart and not to the internet although I have known some of you for years and consider you all family it is still the internet and some things should be kept private. His words were priceless and even if I never see a dime his words were beautiful. There is no more important job in the world than that of a parent your success or failure with your child will effect generations to come. If you raised them with love they in turn will raise their child with love. That is priceless.

              lcb activities in the last 24 hours

              • 27
                new members
              • 589
                members online
              • 11307
                guests online
              • 100
                new posts
              • 3030
                free games played
              Join the club

              Most viewed forum posts

              Join today and start earning rewards

              You will immediately get full access to our online casino forum/chat plus receive our newsletter with news & exclusive bonuses every month.
              S logo
              Select Language
              Search
              Search Results

              Report to moderator

              Use this function to inform the moderators and administrator of an abusive or wrongly posted message.

              Please note that your email address will be revealed to the moderators if you use this

              Submit
              39012170