Why gay??

Hi guys!  Just answered about same sex marriage and a question came to my head...
I've always thought why people become gays! You know there are different theories ...One of them is that something happens during pregnancy! Whether nerves or stress...It sounds reasonable, I believe that it's given from the birth! How do you think?

Let me give a bit of a clinical view.  It appears there are a variety of "causes" for being homosexual.  There are many who believe it is genetic, hence, the belief one is born "gay."  Though, there is far from 100% consensus on this.  There is some controversy in the medical/psycholgical field as to whether or not the "gay gene" exists.  Another cause is malfunction in the family of origin can produce homosexual traits in offspring.  For example, an abusive, neglectful father **possibly can** trigger the perfect storm that ends up exhibiting homosexual traits in a male offspring.  Also, an extremely smothering mother can also possibly produce a gay oriented man child.  (This can happen with females, if you reverse the genders in the above mentioned examples.)

Now...having said this, keep a couple of things in mind:

First, I am not stating homosexuality is wrong or gays and lesbians should be denied civil rights.  There just is a large body of research out there and I am simply giving a "chat room summary."

Second, human sexuality is almost always COMPLEX.  The conditions that triggered homosexual behavior in one child, may not trigger them in another.  Talking about sexuality in broad, sweeping paint brush strokes is highly, highly problematic.

Hi Phib,

I think being gay is not a choice, but rather genetic. The same reason that a person is heterosexual, is the same reason a person is gay. We don’t ask why someone is straight, and for obvious reasons…”it just is”. The same rule of thought should apply to someone gay….”it just is”.

As far as “becoming” gay due to up bringing or life's experiences, that is a whole different subject. Just as straight people who are exposed to factors in their life cause them to splinter out of main stream sexuality, there are coping mechanisms. Some become more promiscuous while others abstain all together…etc. The psychological path taken do to environment goes on and on depending on the individual.

I really struggle with one of the first thoughts that people conclude is that the reason someone is gay is due to trauma. It insinuates to me that there is mental issues.

Whether straight or gay, the reasons for what we are, are the same. We were  both either born that way or in a small percentage, life's experiences cause us to take a different approach to our sexuality.

Straight or gay…there really is no mystery to it…..the same rules apply to both.

In closing, I'm not going to quip the stereotype conclusions that is so typically often said….”my best friend is gay”...”I have friends who are gay”…”my sister is gay”…it’s irrelevant. What is relevant is our sexual preference should have no baring on who we know, or what we are.

Lips

Well, unless empirical evidence proves otherwise, I believe it's a choice.

If this "Gay by Birth" or "It's Genetic" is believed, then how long before Pedophiles and others latch onto this method of supporting their sexual preference?

You get em' Geneco!

I believe that their is a small percentage of people that it happens to genetically and that the others are just using that to justify their sexual preferences!
I was watching a TV program one day on this and they did a bunch of brain testing on men/women and found that some of the men had whatever it is women have for braincells and vice versa... which causes them to feel the opposite of what should be normal Everybody else...is just gay! But hey whatever makes you happy....get ya freak on, get, get ya freak on

Hummmmmmmmmmmmm~~~~~~How 'bout, Let's not forget some women who were abused by their fathers, brothers, boyfriends...become  gays and I can understand. Were they born to be abused and changed?

Again, i think things that happen in our lives definitely have cause and effect.

That goes for anything that happens to us. The coping mechanism to dealing with tragedy or trauma varies from person to person. I think if a person was sexually abused, turning to the same sex for comfort is probably not the answer. I would think dealing with it through some type of counseling would begin the healing process.

I just don't necessarily think its fair to assume that there is some emotional issues for choosing same gender relationships.

I have talked to many gays, and have asked everyone of them when did they first discover they were gay........the answer was unanimous.......from the time they were old enough to have a crush.......usually 5 years old.

Lips

AGREE 100% with Lips and Wnan...

I agree with Lips and Nan, but remember choosing to live that lifestyle isn't a BAD thing, it's a choice.

blah blah blah blah blah...


there are more bisexual animals than there are are humans...do you suppose they were abused, beat, etc?

 

Nagenie -  HA!  Well.....first, I'd ask you where you got your data from?   The research and data is not monolithic in their conclusions.  Yes, lots, maybe the majority, are homosexual with no significant environmental reason.  However, the data does clearly show that a significant number of people who now exhibit homosexual behavior were abused, had the distant-cruel father, a smother mother, etc.

Now, to be fair, we can start a thread about outlying heterosexual behavior resulting from similar environmental situations.

Again, human sexuality is too complex to attach any "this and only this" type conclusions.  This is why I believe one can have various opinions about gays, but they (homosexuals) should not have their civil right violated.

Thank you, drpsyce38 for great explaining. That was exactly what I wanted to say.

I'm not really sure if it is genetic, or choice. I worked with a young man once that I was really close with and he was talking to me one night and told me he was gay but didn't really want to be. He told me he had been sexually molested by an older man when he was young and he felt unworthy of being intimate with a woman. He had many issues and was in therapy. I really felt bad for him knowing what he had experienced as a child.

I don't agree with that argument. Attraction to someone based on age/level of physical development cannot possibly be genetic. Gender clearly is genetic and so is gender preference.

You said it well!!!

first off doc...the name is nalgenie..you have been here long enough to at least get my name right, haven't you?  let alone a statistic?

second...i clearly understand why you are not in practice any more.

third...to answer you question...i don't have any supporting data, but i am sure i would not be hard to find if i was interested...if you are, knock yourself out, i have real things to do.  i found my information from a couple of different animal shows i watched on television. 

My apologies, I didn't mean to offend you.  And, I am sorry didn't type your name correctly.  The issue of homosexuality is common topic in the culture, and I simply wanted to join the conversation. 

Well.....the reason I don't practice anymore is not due to offending folks.  I burnt out big time.  Also, I was greedy and wanted to make more $.  And you are correct in this respect:  I am now too opinionated to do family therapy anymore!

Peace???

Apology accepted doc.

It has always been my stance that people should not preach of things they know nothing of.  :-\

Personally it doesn't matter to me why??? I don't think it is important at all. I have many friends that are gay and they are gay by choice and that is fine I love them dearly and they are no different than any of my other friends. I only brought up the young man who was abused to make a point that people have different reasons for the lifestyles they  choose. 

Well, i don't believe i am going to type this on this blog but i feel the need to set the record straight! I am a sixty year old grandmother of nine mother of four grown kids two boys and two girls. I was married for 29years to my high school sweatheart until he died! Never had any interest to marry again but did have a few flings. So one would feel i am pretty straight rilght? Well for the last seven years i have been in a civil union with my best friend! That's right a woman! And as much as i felt i loved my husband I am evan happier how then i have ever been! My kids and grandkids except my life choice and I believe that we can not help who we fall in Love with we just do! So, put that in your pipe and smoke it! 

That is a happy story and I would be happy to smoke it!  Thanks....good witness!

you just made my whole night!  that was the greatest story..specially the put that in your pipe and smoke it!!  my mom always used to say that, and if she was alive, she probably would have a thing or two to say, followed by that herself
nice story...nice ending

Good for you and I believe as you do, we can't help who we fall in love with. I know that I get along much better on a daily basis with my female friends and I have always said if something happened to my spouse I would probably look for a relationship with one of my female friends.

What a TERRIFIC post  

Mam,

Thank you for such openess. I know for a moment you hesitated. One of the wonderful things here is we can all express ourselves......and at the end of the day we are still like a close family.

Now hand me that pipe!!!!!

Lips

ok so why r some of us bi, r should i say why r some people bi,cant wait to read the response to this one

Hi Laughes,

That's a good one!!! I think that there is definitely a preference for one sex or the other. I'm not sure if there is such a thing as "bi". Yes, i know there is people who claim they are and have experimented with both sexes and have enjoyed both sexes. But when it comes down to the bottom line i really think one sex is more preferred than the other.

Exactly what does bi sexual mean? Being attracted to both sexes equally? I don't believe that exists. There is always going to be one sex that is more gravitated to.

To be bi sexual is to have NO preference over the other. I don't think many people can say that realistically.

It's a very interesting question with alot more controversy than being gay as far as opinions.

I am open minded enough to hear what people say and not hardcore opinionated on this subject. I'm very curious to see what how others feel about this.

Great question!!!

Lips

Hi Lips...

I have to disagree with you on this.  When I meet someone, have a connection with this person, there has to be something about "them" that pulls me toward them, whether it was their smile, or sillyness, or something special that sets them aside from the rest.

When you say there is NO preference...for me, I can honestly say, I think this is true.
Because I don't get attracted to people easily.  For me, I guess, its more mental.

I can have sex with anyone, and it is just sex.  But to have honest feelings for a person, I have to be around them for a little while, and by then can feel their essence.
I am not thinking if they are male or female, but only how well we connect.

I fell in love with Caleb, because he was such a character.  And Laurie and Paul were very
passionate about life, and both very intense people.  Anna, I fell in love with her mind before her. 

With me, it has always been, having a strong attraction for the person first, then sex later.

If I have to make a choice between one or the other, I couldn't do that...because I don't even know who I am going to become attracted to.  It really takes a lot for me.

But this is just me...

I cannot vouch for the whole bisex world 

nal I just feel the same! For me it doesn't matter what person's sex or their sexual orientation is! Inside world and energy are most valuable!

I'm not bi, I might be wrong, but I disagree with you Lips about no preference! I think it's like when people like sweets: chocolate and ice-cream, for example...Sometimes you want one, then another! lol You get pleasure from the both!

As for bi...personally I have no acquaintances...but I know a very curious story! It happened with my couch...She fell in love with a local actor. She missed no his performance trying to find a chance to see and communicate with him! Only a year later their relationships started, but suddenly she knew that he had a fiancé!!! She was just shocked! I'm for gays, bi, but I'm soooooo against such surprises! lol

I'll second that

Once again, I point out that human sexuality is very, very diverse and complex.  Even in the heterosexual community there are multiple sub-sets.  I know religious fundamentalists often are critical of homosexuals, BUT they themselves may practice diverse forms of their own orientation.....feet obsession, S and M, dressing up like Little Bo Peep, etc.

ROFLMAOOOOO!!! Little Bo Peep........that cracks me up!!

Nal,

Very insightful post. I guess i equated it to going to a club and seeing chicks make out, trying to impress the guys.

These chicks aren't really bi......they are just trying to tease the guys. That's just a show to get everyone hot and bothered!!!

Lips

Hey Doc...why don't you have someone take a pic of you in that Bo-Peep costume, they are given out a Halloween Prize here a LCB   

  (its ok...we're all family here)

Nal....dang my secret sin is out!  No, for halloween I thought I would pull my Little Dutch Boy outfit out of the closet. 

Oh, Lips.....helluva great new pic!

Lmao! thanks for the laugh!